Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance?
Sample Response
Computers are extensively used these days almost everywhere. This includes banks, offices, hospitals, homes, schools, research labs, retail shops, space stations and so on. People have different views about the benefits and drawbacks of computers while this essay examines how could computers be considered an impediment. To begincommence with, using computers for long hours by children is counterproductive because overuse of computersit can make children addicted to digital games, less inclinedenthusiastic to socialise, lethargic and obese due to a lack of physical activitythe lack of their physical activities. Moreover, many childrenmany children often rely on calculators and computers for simple arithmetic, spelling and grammararithmetic operations, spelling and grammatical rules. This can lead to poor academic and career performance. For example, a recent study reveals that many high school students fail to do well in mathematics due to their over-reliance on computers and calculators in early childhood. Apart from that, the health hazards that overuse of computers causes cannot be overlooked. Computers can causeComputers can be the reason for poor eyesightweak eye-sight, back pain and severe headaches among userssevere headache for the users - according to the Medical Alliance for Public Health. Besides, hacking, spamming, and computer viruses are very common these days, whichthese days which can lead to fraud, data breachesbreaching and monetary loss. When someone's bank account, email, and blog are compromised, it can lead to disaster. Furthermore, online perpetrators can impersonate other peoplepretend to be someone that they are not and deceive people in order to take advantage of themtrap people to take unfair advantages. In additionIn addition to that, any country's national securitythe national security of any country could be compromised because of overreliance on computersdue to the over-reliance on computers. For instance, “Garry McKinnon” who was accused in March 2002 of perpetrating one of the biggest military computer hacks of all time, hacked the Pentagon's serverthe server of “The Pentagon” and learned about details of the country's defencethe secret of the country's defence. To conclude, every technology has both positive and negative sides and its overall impact depends on the people who use and control itthem. Rational and proper use of computer technology would benefit us tremendously, but it can also bring disaster when we are overly dependentdependant on it or misuse it.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response answers the question fully through a substantial range of relevant drawbacks, with explanations and examples that make the argument persuasive. Its main weakness is organisation: the entire discussion appears as one paragraph, and frequent additive linkers make the progression feel list-like. The highest-priority improvement is to group related harms into focused body paragraphs and use more natural transitions between them.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response explores several relevant ways computers can be a hindrance and supports them with developed explanations and examples.
Prioritise the strongest drawbacks and deepen their analysis rather than adding further examples to an already broad discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a discernible sequence, but the absence of paragraphing and heavy use of additive linkers weaken cohesion.
Divide the response into an introduction, two or three thematic body paragraphs, and a conclusion with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and often precise, although several collocations and word forms are awkward or inaccurate.
Use more natural combinations for health, cybercrime, and social effects, and proofread forms such as dependent and data breaches.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex sentences is attempted, but recurring article, agreement, preposition, and clause-structure errors reduce control.
Review agreement and pronoun reference in long sentences, then simplify structures where grammatical control begins to weaken.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.