Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance?
Sample Response
Computers are extensively used these days almost everywhere. This includes banks, offices, hospitals, homes, schools, research labs, retail shops, space stations and so on. People have different views about the benefits and drawbacks of computers while this essay examines how could computers be considered an impediment. To commence with, using computers for long hours by children is counterproductive because overuse of it can make children addicted to digital games, less enthusiastic to socialise, lethargic and obese due to the lack of their physical activities. Moreover, many children often rely on calculators and computers for simple arithmetic operations, spelling and grammatical rules. This can lead to poor academic and career performance. For example, a recent study reveals that many high school students fail to do well in mathematics due to their over-reliance on computers and calculators in early childhood. Apart from that, the health hazards that overuse of computers causes cannot be overlooked. Computers can be the reason for weak eye-sight, back pain and severe headache for the users - according to the Medical Alliance for Public Health. Besides, hacking, spamming, and computer viruses are very common these days which can lead to fraud, data breaching and monetary loss. When someone's bank account, email, and blog are compromised, it can lead to disaster. Furthermore, online perpetrators can pretend to be someone that they are not and trap people to take unfair advantages. In addition to that, the national security of any country could be compromised due to the over-reliance on computers. For instance, “Garry McKinnon” who was accused in March 2002 of perpetrating one of the biggest military computer hacks of all time, hacked the server of “The Pentagon” and learned about the secret of the country's defence. To conclude, every technology has both positive and negative sides and its overall impact depends on the people who use and control them. Rational and proper use of computer technology would benefit us tremendously, but it can also bring disaster when we are overly dependant on it or misuse it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural transition Original: commence Suggested revision: begin Why it matters: 'To begin with' is the conventional transition for introducing the first point.
- 2. Fix pronoun agreement Original: it Suggested revision: computers Why it matters: The singular pronoun 'it' does not agree with the plural noun 'computers'.
- 3. Correct adjective pattern Original: enthusiastic Suggested revision: inclined Why it matters: 'Inclined to' is the natural expression for reduced willingness to socialise.
- 4. Fix noun phrase Original: the lack of their physical activities Suggested revision: a lack of physical activity Why it matters: The uncountable noun phrase does not need a possessive determiner or plural ending here.
- 5. Remove redundant frequency Original: many children often Suggested revision: many children Why it matters: Using both 'many' and 'often' makes the frequency wording unnecessarily repetitive.
- 6. Improve list parallelism Original: arithmetic operations, spelling and grammatical rules Suggested revision: arithmetic, spelling and grammar Why it matters: Parallel subject-area nouns make the list more concise and consistent.
- 7. Use a direct verb Original: Computers can be the reason for Suggested revision: Computers can cause Why it matters: The direct verb expresses causation more naturally than 'be the reason for'.
- 8. Correct spelling and wording Original: weak eye-sight Suggested revision: poor eyesight Why it matters: 'Eyesight' is one word, and 'poor eyesight' is the standard collocation.
- 9. Fix number and preposition Original: severe headache for the users Suggested revision: severe headaches among users Why it matters: The general condition requires a plural count noun and the natural preposition 'among'.
- 10. Add clause punctuation Original: these days which Suggested revision: these days, which Why it matters: A comma is needed before the non-defining relative clause describing the preceding list.
- 11. Use the correct noun Original: breaching Suggested revision: breaches Why it matters: 'Data breach' is the countable noun for an incident in which data is compromised.
- 12. Use a concise verb Original: pretend to be someone that they are not Suggested revision: impersonate other people Why it matters: 'Impersonate' expresses the same idea more precisely and concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- commence begin
- it computers
- enthusiastic inclined
- the lack of their physical activities a lack of physical activity
- many children often many children
- arithmetic operations, spelling and grammatical rules arithmetic, spelling and grammar
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response answers the question fully through a substantial range of relevant drawbacks, with explanations and examples that make the argument persuasive. Its main weakness is organisation: the entire discussion appears as one paragraph, and frequent additive linkers make the progression feel list-like. The highest-priority improvement is to group related harms into focused body paragraphs and use more natural transitions between them.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response explores several relevant ways computers can be a hindrance and supports them with developed explanations and examples.
Prioritise the strongest drawbacks and deepen their analysis rather than adding further examples to an already broad discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a discernible sequence, but the absence of paragraphing and heavy use of additive linkers weaken cohesion.
Divide the response into an introduction, two or three thematic body paragraphs, and a conclusion with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and often precise, although several collocations and word forms are awkward or inaccurate.
Use more natural combinations for health, cybercrime, and social effects, and proofread forms such as dependent and data breaches.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex sentences is attempted, but recurring article, agreement, preposition, and clause-structure errors reduce control.
Review agreement and pronoun reference in long sentences, then simplify structures where grammatical control begins to weaken.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.