Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance or a potential for the human?
Sample Response
The computer is a basic necessity in our day to day life. It provides a tremendous help in almost all areas such as banking, IT, hospitals, sales etc. We are in the 17th year of the 21st century and blessed with high-end automated machinery which actually has increased human potential, and at the same time, it has given negative impact too. People are habituated of computers which have made them lazy, less flexible. They get tired easily while doing physical work, because of less stamina in their bodies and they are prone to attract many diseases. For an example backache, knee-ache because of sitting posture, poor writing skills, less manual skills in daily life etc. are the results of our dependency on computers. Moreover, because of this machinery, they have stopped socialising, communicating and networking with others. Those who have an addiction of using computers in their leisure time hardly spend time with family, friends. It hinders the proper growth of kids, instead of outdoor activity kids prefer to use video games, paper-pen has been replaced by word-pad and notepad, but some or other way we are compromising with are health by using this. Therefore, I truly agree that computers have provided such a comfortable and easy life to us, but if it’s on the cost of health issues, it’s not at all acceptable. This strategy is a serious threat to the human being and put us in the dark. We should always remember health is wealth and should be able to manage a healthy work culture.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove help article Original: a tremendous help Suggested revision: tremendous help Why it matters: “Help” is uncountable in this general sense and does not take “a.”
- 2. Use parallel sector term Original: hospitals Suggested revision: healthcare Why it matters: “Healthcare” names a sector and therefore matches banking, IT, and sales more closely.
- 3. Fix impact construction Original: has given negative impact too Suggested revision: has also had a negative impact Why it matters: The natural construction is “have an impact,” and the singular countable noun needs an article.
- 4. Use accustomed pattern Original: habituated of computers Suggested revision: accustomed to using computers Why it matters: The correct expression is “accustomed to,” followed here by a gerund.
- 5. Coordinate paired adjectives Original: lazy, less flexible Suggested revision: lazy and less flexible Why it matters: The two adjective complements should be joined with “and.”
- 6. Use complete cause clause Original: because of less stamina in their bodies Suggested revision: because they have less physical stamina Why it matters: The revision expresses the cause with a complete clause and a natural noun phrase.
- 7. Correct prone collocation Original: prone to attract many diseases Suggested revision: prone to developing health problems Why it matters: People are “prone to developing” conditions rather than “prone to attract” diseases.
- 8. Correct example marker Original: For an example Suggested revision: For example, Why it matters: The fixed discourse marker is “For example” without an article and with a following comma.
- 9. Use natural pain term Original: knee-ache Suggested revision: knee pain Why it matters: “Knee pain” is the standard expression for this physical problem.
- 10. Clarify stated cause Original: because of sitting posture Suggested revision: caused by poor sitting posture Why it matters: The revision makes the causal relationship within the list grammatically clear.
- 11. Use quality comparison Original: less manual skills Suggested revision: weaker manual skills Why it matters: Skills vary in quality rather than amount, so “weaker” fits better than “less.”
- 12. Use standard dependence noun Original: our dependency on computers Suggested revision: our dependence on computers Why it matters: “Dependence on” is the more direct noun phrase for reliance in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- a tremendous help tremendous help
- hospitals healthcare
- has given negative impact too has also had a negative impact
- habituated of computers accustomed to using computers
- lazy, less flexible lazy and less flexible
- because of less stamina in their bodies because they have less physical stamina
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response gives several concrete ways computers may harm health, practical skills, and social interaction, and its overall concern is clear. However, the benefits are only mentioned in a brief list, the essay has no paragraph structure, and frequent collocation, grammar, and punctuation errors make several long sentences difficult to follow. Develop one specific example of increased human potential, organise the two sides separately, and favour shorter, accurately constructed sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Computer-related harms are explained through several relevant examples, but the potential benefits are only asserted through a short list and receive little development.
Explain one specific benefit, such as how computers improve medical diagnosis or banking efficiency, and compare it directly with a hindrance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves broadly from benefits to several disadvantages and a final judgement, but one-block presentation, run-on sentences, and loose reference weaken progression.
Use an introduction, one paragraph for each side, and a concise conclusion with one controlling idea per sentence.
Lexical Resource
There is some range for discussing technology, health, and social behaviour, but frequent inaccurate combinations such as ‘habituated of computers’, ‘prone to attract diseases’, and ‘on the cost of’ reduce clarity.
Replace these with standard expressions such as ‘dependent on computers’, ‘prone to developing illnesses’, and ‘at the cost of’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex sentences, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, clause boundaries, pronouns, and verb patterns often make them difficult to follow.
Write shorter clauses with clear subjects and verbs, then check punctuation and agreement before combining ideas.
Use this task for your next draft
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Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
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