Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Many feel that funding allocated for education should be primarily spent on computers rather than paying the teaching staff higher salaries. In my opinion, though technology is important today, teachers are still considerably more valuable and deserving of prioritization.
Proponents argue increased funding for computer technology reflects shifts in modern society. Expertise with computers is becoming essential not only for one’s daily life but also most careers. At the moment, schools focus on a wide range of subjects that may not have any direct applicability later in a student’s life such as history, biology, physics, literature, art, and so on. It is logical that focusing more on a useful area such as new computers will maximize funding for schools. However, this thinking neglects the key finding in numerous studies that a wide base of knowledge is more important than early specialization.
Moreover, teachers can potentially be a crucial influence on their pupils. Most adults are grateful to at least one teacher who serves as a lifelong role model. This is because students can connect with a teacher emotionally and intellectually. For example, a teacher may introduce and elucidate a number of great thinkers and writers that later shape a student’s political or moral philosophy. By providing greater funding for teachers, this simply ensures that more qualified teachers will apply for jobs. Additionally, teachers who are passionate about their work, and are underpaid at the moment, are likely to feel more motivated and appreciated with higher salaries.
In conclusion, those who argue in favor of computers are short-sighted as teachers have greater overall impact. Naturally, it is more difficult to measure and study the value of quality teachers and provide definitive evidence for this viewpoint.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Make comparison parallel Original: computers rather than paying the teaching staff higher salaries Suggested revision: computers rather than on higher salaries for teaching staff Why it matters: The two alternatives after spent should use parallel prepositional structures.
- 2. Improve coordination Original: deserving of prioritization Suggested revision: deserve priority Why it matters: A finite verb coordinates more naturally with are valuable in this sentence.
- 3. Add reporting connector Original: Proponents argue increased funding Suggested revision: Proponents argue that increased funding Why it matters: That makes the boundary between the reporting verb and its clause clearer.
- 4. Restore parallel preposition Original: but also most careers Suggested revision: but also for most careers Why it matters: The paired destinations in daily life and careers both require a preposition.
- 5. Set off examples Original: student’s life such as Suggested revision: student’s life, such as Why it matters: A comma should introduce the following list of examples.
- 6. Clarify the category Original: a useful area such as new computers Suggested revision: a useful resource such as computer technology Why it matters: Computers are a resource rather than an area, so the revised categories align logically.
- 7. Use accurate collocation Original: will maximize funding for schools Suggested revision: will make the best use of school funding Why it matters: Funding is used effectively rather than maximized by a particular spending choice.
- 8. Remove redundant hedge Original: can potentially be a crucial influence Suggested revision: can be a crucial influence Why it matters: Can already expresses possibility, making potentially redundant here.
- 9. Use personal relative Original: that Suggested revision: who Why it matters: Who is the more appropriate relative pronoun for people.
- 10. Fix dangling opener Original: By providing greater funding for teachers, this simply ensures Suggested revision: Providing greater funding for teachers would help ensure Why it matters: The original introductory phrase does not logically modify the pronoun this.
- 11. Add missing article Original: have greater overall impact Suggested revision: have a greater overall impact Why it matters: Impact is a singular countable noun in this use and requires an article.
Suggested Rewrites
- computers rather than paying the teaching staff higher salaries computers rather than on higher salaries for teaching staff
- deserving of prioritization deserve priority
- Proponents argue increased funding Proponents argue that increased funding
- but also most careers but also for most careers
- student’s life such as student’s life, such as
- a useful area such as new computers a useful resource such as computer technology
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear judgement, discusses both spending priorities, and develops the case for teachers with persuasive explanation and a relevant example. Its main limitation is that the computers argument partly shifts from educational technology to curriculum specialisation, so the rebuttal is not always tightly matched to the stated view. The best improvement is to compare the educational returns of computer investment and teacher investment more directly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are well developed, although part of the computers discussion moves into a less directly relevant curriculum argument.
Keep the first body paragraph focused on how computer spending improves learning, then rebut that benefit through a direct comparison with teachers.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into purposeful paragraphs, and ideas progress smoothly with cohesive devices used effectively.
Make the transition within the computers paragraph more explicit so the discussion of broad knowledge clearly supports the comparison of spending priorities.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible, with sophisticated topic language used naturally and only minor awkwardness.
Refine occasional phrasing by choosing the most exact prepositions and avoiding slightly broad claims such as references to numerous studies.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is used accurately, with only occasional minor slips that do not impede communication.
Polish the few compressed constructions, especially parallel prepositional patterns, to make already strong sentences fully controlled.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.