Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal?
Sample Response
It is often believed by many people that increasing the quantity of production should be the main concern of every country. While others argue the massive production of goods and materials is the nation’s goal, I completely disagree with this statement since there are other key factors like marketing offers and quality which are equally necessary.
On the one hand, it is indeed valid that the more products we produce, the more likely the profits we get. To exemplify, one thousand carbonated drinks may gain more benefits than eight hundred with the same cost because massive production broadens the gap between production cost and selling. Consequently, more incomes are seized from the sale. However, this notion seems not convincing enough if the buyers have no interest in the products, which means that precise marketing approaches should take the next step.
On the other hand, there are numerous high-quality products throughout the world, so many nations try to attract customers with different creative approaches. In addition, strict competition for products is unbearably happening throughout the world as more newcomers businesses are born selling materials at tempting prices. Therefore, adjusting to the recent buyers’ interest by increasing the quality and providing membership discounts or vouchers become the core of the business. As a result, considering other crucial aspects such as product placement as well as interesting sale packages is a principal standpoint a country should have.
In conclusion, although producing more products is an important step to gaining profits, considering other key aspects like offers and upgrading the quality also contribute to the revenue. If the government implemented these methods, the nation’s revenue would soon rise rapidly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove wordiness Original: increasing the quantity of production Suggested revision: increasing production Why it matters: The concise phrase expresses the same idea without the awkward 'quantity of production' construction.
- 2. Correct comparison structure Original: the more likely the profits we get Suggested revision: the more profit we are likely to make Why it matters: The correlative comparison requires a complete clause with correct word order.
- 3. Use standard linker Original: To exemplify Suggested revision: For example Why it matters: 'For example' is the conventional linker for introducing an illustration.
- 4. Correct the agent Original: one thousand carbonated drinks may gain more benefits than eight hundred Suggested revision: producing one thousand carbonated drinks may yield more profit than producing eight hundred Why it matters: Products cannot gain benefits, so the replacement makes production the source of profit.
- 5. Correct the preposition Original: with Suggested revision: at Why it matters: The fixed expression for equal expenditure is 'at the same cost'.
- 6. Use economic term Original: massive Suggested revision: mass Why it matters: 'Mass production' is the established term for manufacturing in large quantities.
- 7. Clarify the comparison Original: broadens the gap between production cost and selling Suggested revision: widens the margin between production costs and sales revenue Why it matters: The replacement names the two financial quantities being compared clearly.
- 8. Correct countability Original: more incomes are seized Suggested revision: more income is earned Why it matters: 'Income' is uncountable here, and revenue is earned rather than seized.
- 9. Generalize accurately Original: from the sale Suggested revision: from sales Why it matters: The plural form fits the general discussion of selling many products.
- 10. Fix negation order Original: this notion seems not convincing enough Suggested revision: this notion does not seem convincing Why it matters: English places the negation before 'seem' in this construction.
- 11. Correct the metaphor Original: precise marketing approaches should take the next step Suggested revision: appropriate marketing strategies should be the next priority Why it matters: Strategies cannot literally take a step, so the replacement states their intended importance clearly.
- 12. Correct the collocation Original: strict competition for products Suggested revision: intense competition in product markets Why it matters: Competition is described as intense, and the revised prepositional phrase identifies the market context.
Suggested Rewrites
- increasing the quantity of production increasing production
- the more likely the profits we get the more profit we are likely to make
- To exemplify For example
- one thousand carbonated drinks may gain more benefits than eight hundred producing one thousand carbonated drinks may yield more profit than producing eight hundred
- with at
- massive mass
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is clearly organised and sustains a recognisable argument that production alone is insufficient, with examples involving demand, quality, and marketing. However, it narrows a national-policy question into a business-revenue discussion, and the stated complete disagreement is weakened by repeated concessions that higher production is important. The priority is to define an appropriately qualified position and develop broader national consequences that directly test constant production as a goal.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the topic and offers support, but its commercial focus only partially examines whether constant national production is an appropriate goal.
Evaluate wider economic, social, or environmental consequences and state a position consistent with the concessions made in the body.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, though some linking is mechanical and several sentences connect ideas only loosely.
Build each paragraph around one explicit claim and make every example and consequence directly advance that claim.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise word choices reduce clarity and naturalness.
Replace strained phrases about profits, competition, and marketing with standard economic vocabulary used in accurate combinations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence forms, but recurring agreement, article, plural, and clause-construction errors remain noticeable.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and noun-phrase accuracy, especially in sentences with gerunds, plural businesses, and comparative structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.