Many people now have personal computers, and the use of electronic services such as the internet is becoming more widespread. Some parents are concerned about children using the internet to gamble or buy goods on credit. How can access to electronic services be controlled?
Sample Response
The use of electronic servicesUse of electronic services has substantially increased with the advancement of technology over the last few years. Nowadays, a great number of children have become addicted to computers, tablets and the internet, and these technologies have become a mandatory constituent of their daily routine. This is an alarming situation for parents because the internet could lead to severe problems such as gambling and uncontrolled shopping with credit cardsshopping by using credit cards. This could be minimised by adoptingadapting various precautionary measures such as monitoring children'schildren activities, discouraging the use of electronic itemsdiscouraging use of electronic items and developing their aptitude towards creative activities. Firstly, parents can play a pivotal role in this regard; they shouldin this regard, they should engageindulge their children in pragmatic activities, and for instance, debating is an activity which could leave an undeniable impression on children'schildren minds. Furthermore, sports have a significant impact on children'schildren physical and psychological health. It will provide them an opportunity to learn teamwork, handling pressure and otherothers traits that are essential for their coming lives. Secondly, there should be attempts by the parents to create awareness about the dire consequencesconsequence of misuse of technologybad usage of the technology. Proper guidance and support would definitely help children to identify the positive use of technology. In addition to this, parents should encourage their children towards educational activities and make them aware ofrealise them about the numerous benefits of it in their future lives. To sum up, I would like to say that parents’ attentionattentions and guidance can dramatically help children in availing the true benefits of technology. Moulding their attitude towards creative and dynamic work will surely reduce their reliance on electronic itemsmitigate the use of electronic items from their lives.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear concern about children's internet use and offers relevant parental guidance, supported by some explanation of alternative activities. However, it only partially addresses how access itself can be controlled: monitoring is mentioned but not developed, while much of the discussion shifts to general lifestyle advice. The highest-priority improvement is to explain concrete controls such as supervision, filters, account restrictions, or payment safeguards and organise them in distinct paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response offers relevant parental guidance but only partially answers the specific question of controlling access to electronic services.
Develop concrete access-control measures and explain how each prevents gambling or unauthorised credit purchases.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main line of thought is identifiable, but the single dense paragraph and loosely connected examples weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, individual control measures, and conclusion into paragraphs with one clear purpose each.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of vocabulary, although frequent collocation and word-form problems reduce precision.
Replace unnatural phrases such as children minds, realise them, and availing the benefits with accurate forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but frequent errors in possession, agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries reduce control.
Correct possessive forms and split comma-spliced clauses before refining more complex sentence patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people now have personal computers, and the use of electronic services such as the internet is becoming more widespread. Some parents are concerned about children using the internet to gamble or buy goods on credit. How can access to electronic services be controlled?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.