Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?
Sample Response
It is undeniable that human's deeds are harming the environment. This essay will discuss how the damage is caused, as well as the actions the Government and individuals can take to protect our world. There are some ways in which people contaminate the environment. People worsen air pollution by making cars as their primary mode of transportation. After all, the more cars are driven, the more carbon dioxide is produced. Factories are also the main perpetrators of pollution by producing so much waste. In addition, there are individuals who dump rubbish in inappropriate places, such as the river. Unfortunately, their reckless actions make the river a toxic place to live for fish and other river inhabitants, eventually kill them. The Government can solve environmental problems with a number of actions. One of them is to implement a pollution threshold for factories. If a company produces more pollution than the permitted threshold, it will be fined. Therefore, industrial companies would take necessary measures to reduce their waste. Another way is to improve public transportations. Reliable, clean, and safe mass transports will encourage people to use them, instead of using private cars. Apart from the Government, individuals too can partake in protecting the environment. Firstly, individuals can reduce household waste. For instance, people can use cloth-made-bags instead of plastic-made-bags when shopping. After all, plastic can not be decomposed and its build up will harm the Earth. Secondly, people should use more public transportation and if possible, walk more. That way, pollution that comes from vehicles can be minimised. In conclusion, people damage the environment with the high usage of private cars and industrial waste, and also by throwing rubbish irresponsibly. the Government can solve these problems by implementing waste limit and enhancing public transport system. Individuals can also help by lessening their household waste and travelling by mass transports and walking.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Plural possessive Original: human's deeds Suggested revision: human actions Why it matters: The possessive form is awkward; "human actions" is clearer and more natural.
- 2. Lowercase common noun Original: the Government Suggested revision: the government Why it matters: Do not capitalise "government" unless it is part of an official name.
- 3. Broader verb Original: contaminate the environment Suggested revision: damage the environment Why it matters: "Contaminate" mainly means pollute; the paragraph covers several kinds of damage.
- 4. Verb pattern Original: making cars as their primary mode Suggested revision: using cars as their primary mode Why it matters: Use "use" with "mode of transportation".
- 5. Natural collocation Original: main perpetrators of pollution Suggested revision: major sources of pollution Why it matters: "Perpetrators" is usually used for people who commit crimes.
- 6. Verb form Original: eventually kill them Suggested revision: eventually killing them Why it matters: The phrase follows a participle construction and needs "killing".
- 7. Uncountable noun Original: public transportations Suggested revision: public transport Why it matters: "Transport" is uncountable in this context.
- 8. Natural phrase Original: mass transports Suggested revision: mass transit Why it matters: "Mass transit" or "public transport" is the standard phrase.
- 9. Comma placement Original: individuals too can partake Suggested revision: individuals, too, can take part Why it matters: The inserted "too" needs commas, and "take part" is more natural.
- 10. Compound noun Original: cloth-made-bags Suggested revision: cloth bags Why it matters: This compound is not standard; use the simple noun phrase.
- 11. Compound noun Original: plastic-made-bags Suggested revision: plastic bags Why it matters: This is the natural phrase.
- 12. Single-word form Original: can not be decomposed Suggested revision: cannot decompose easily Why it matters: "Cannot" is usually one word, and the active form sounds more natural.
Suggested Rewrites
- human's deeds human actions
- the Government the government
- contaminate the environment damage the environment
- making cars as their primary mode using cars as their primary mode
- main perpetrators of pollution major sources of pollution
- eventually kill them eventually killing them
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response covers all three parts of the task: types of environmental damage, government action and individual action. Ideas are relevant and practical, though some points could be developed in more depth.
For a higher band, extend each main point with one more sentence explaining the environmental consequence or the mechanism behind the solution.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through causes, government measures and individual measures. Because it is written as one long paragraph, the structure is less visible than it should be.
Use four paragraphs: introduction, human damage, government action, individual action and conclusion, or combine the short conclusion with the final action paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is clear and topic-related, with effective words such as "threshold", "reckless" and "minimised". There are still collocation and word-form errors such as "public transportations" and "mass transports".
Use standard environmental collocations: "public transport", "household waste", "emissions limits", "reusable cloth bags" and "decompose".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The candidate uses a mix of simple and complex sentences and generally controls meaning. Errors with articles, capitalisation, plurals and verb forms occur but rarely block comprehension.
Focus editing on plural/uncountable nouns and sentence-final verb forms, especially after participle phrases.