When students move to a new school, they sometimes face problems. How can schools help these students with their problems? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.
Sample Response
When a student moves to a new school he or she can face some problems. I think that almost all people had to move from one place to another in their lives and I am not an exception. My family moved twice during my childhood. My father is an architect, so, my family had to move from one place to another when the old construction was over and my father was offered to develop a new project. Two major problems I had to face in a new school were "no friends" and "a huge amount of new people". In the following paragraphs, I will analyse these problems and make suggestions about how a school can help a student in this situation.
The first difficulty I had to face in a new school was a huge amount of new people such as teachers and classmates, who have no idea who I am. It was easy with the teachers, I usually stayed after the class, introduced myself to him or her and asked about their curriculum. However, with my new classmates, it was a little more difficult. I had to stand up for myself a few times because this is the way students get to know each other. However, I believe that there is a better way to get to know each other. I think that schools should participate in this process. For example, they can organise some kind of welcome class, where new students will have the opportunity to meet their new classmates and introduce themselves.
The second problem I had to face in a new school was that I had no friends. I could not meet my old friends because they were too far away and I did not have a chance to make new friends. Nowadays, I think it is easier because almost every student has an Internet access, so, he can chat with his old friends. Unfortunately, I did not have such an opportunity when I was a student. I believe that schools can help newcomers by helping them to merge faster with their new classes. For example, a school can attach someone to a newcomer and the first one will help a new student to accustom himself to a new environment.
In conclusion, I would like to add, that moving from one school to another brings not only problems but also many benefits. For example, I learned how to make new friends fast and how to overcome obstacles. I think that it made me stronger as a person and I am glad that I had this experience in my life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add introductory comma Original: new school he or she Suggested revision: new school, he or she Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory dependent clause.
- 2. Correct tense and quantifier Original: almost all people had to move Suggested revision: almost everyone has had to move Why it matters: The present-perfect tense suits a general life experience continuing to the present, and 'almost everyone' is natural.
- 3. Keep past perspective Original: and I am not an exception Suggested revision: and I was no exception Why it matters: The past tense aligns the statement with the childhood experience described next.
- 4. Remove misplaced comma Original: so, my family Suggested revision: so my family Why it matters: A comma should not separate the coordinating conjunction 'so' from its clause.
- 5. Clarify project completion Original: the old construction was over Suggested revision: the previous construction project was completed Why it matters: The replacement expresses the completion of a work project precisely and naturally.
- 6. Correct verb pattern Original: was offered to develop Suggested revision: was asked to develop Why it matters: A person is asked to undertake a project; 'offered' would normally take the project as its object.
- 7. Use countable quantity Original: "a huge amount of new people" Suggested revision: "a large number of new people" Why it matters: Use 'number' rather than 'amount' with the countable noun 'people'.
- 8. Align narrative tense Original: who have no idea who I am Suggested revision: who had no idea who I was Why it matters: Both verbs should shift to the past to match the surrounding childhood narrative.
- 9. Use natural phrasing Original: participate in this process Suggested revision: take part in this process Why it matters: 'Take part' sounds more natural when describing the school's involvement in introductions.
- 10. Name activity precisely Original: some kind of welcome class Suggested revision: a welcome session Why it matters: 'Welcome session' identifies the proposed introductory activity more directly.
- 11. Use formal relative form Original: where new students Suggested revision: in which new students Why it matters: 'In which' more precisely links the activity to what happens during it.
- 12. Remove incorrect article Original: an Internet access Suggested revision: Internet access Why it matters: 'Access' is uncountable in this expression and does not take 'an'.
Suggested Rewrites
- new school he or she new school, he or she
- almost all people had to move almost everyone has had to move
- and I am not an exception and I was no exception
- so, my family so my family
- the old construction was over the previous construction project was completed
- was offered to develop was asked to develop
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is engaging and well focused in its body paragraphs, using personal experience to explain two genuine transition problems and propose practical welcome and peer-support measures. The main weakness is that the lengthy personal framing and concluding discussion of benefits divert attention from the requested school actions, while several imprecise expressions reduce polish. Keep every section centred on what schools should do and express each proposal more precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Two relevant problems are clearly explained and matched with practical school-based solutions, supported by specific personal examples.
Reduce autobiographical background and make the conclusion directly consolidate the recommended welcome and buddy measures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has clear paragraphing and logical problem-solution development, though some digressions and repeated transitions weaken overall focus.
Use a concise introduction and conclusion, and connect each problem immediately to its corresponding school action.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for describing adjustment and support, but noticeable imprecise or unnatural combinations limit flexibility.
Use countable forms and natural collocations, replacing phrases such as 'a huge amount of new people,' 'merge with classes,' and 'attach someone.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a range of simple and complex sentences, but article, pronoun, tense, agreement, and punctuation errors occur regularly.
Proofread for article use, consistent reference to students, and sentence boundaries, especially where independent clauses are joined by commas.