Some people think that big companies should provide sports and social facilities for the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
There have been calls for large corporations to build sports and social facilities for the local communities where they operate. In my view, I would agree on the grounds that these facilities can strengthen communal bonds and promote a company’s image in a positive light. Firstly, as most people are increasingly beset with professional and familial duties, they often lack the time to participate in communal activities and forge meaningful connections with one another. By constructing sports and social facilities, these companies can grant these people the appropriate setting for them to participate in common activities. This is evident in cities well-known for quality of life such as Hanoi where most of the parks there have been built by Vinaconex, one of the largest companies in Vietnam. Hence, most of the local denizens are able to engage in conversation with each other and forge new relationships during holiday seasons or through recreational activities held in those parks. Secondly, the provision of communal facilities can create a positive image of the sponsoring companies. These facilities promulgate a sense that the sponsors are giving back to the community and fulfilling public promises of social responsibility. This can therefore build trust between these large companies and the local people. To cite one instance, Nostrand Ltd., a latex manufacturer based in upstate New York, provided funding for local sports centers in various towns across the state, enabling their citizens to engage in various community-based sports. A by-product of this act is residents there now appreciate the brand and purchase the company’s products at a higher rate. In conclusion, large companies should be encouraged to provide sports and social facilities for local communities as they can help strengthen communal bonds and promote their brand. Such facilities will continue to flourish in the near future because of these decided benefits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid redundant wording Original: promote a company’s image in a positive light Suggested revision: enhance a company’s image Why it matters: “Promote” and “in a positive light” duplicate the positive meaning already conveyed by “enhance.”
- 2. Use concise phrasing Original: grant these people the appropriate setting for them to participate Suggested revision: provide these people with a suitable setting in which to participate Why it matters: The revision uses the standard “provide someone with” construction and removes the repeated pronoun.
- 3. Clarify the activity type Original: common Suggested revision: community Why it matters: “Community activities” clearly refers to shared local events, while “common activities” can merely mean ordinary ones.
- 4. Use natural register Original: most of the local denizens Suggested revision: many local residents Why it matters: “Residents” is clearer and more natural in this context than the unusually ornate “denizens.”
- 5. Make the structure parallel Original: during holiday seasons or through recreational activities Suggested revision: during holiday periods or while taking part in recreational activities Why it matters: The paired alternatives need parallel time expressions rather than the mismatched prepositions “during” and “through.”
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: promulgate a sense that Suggested revision: convey the impression that Why it matters: Organizations can promulgate rules or ideas, but “convey the impression” fits the intended perception here.
- 7. State the idea directly Original: fulfilling public promises of social responsibility Suggested revision: fulfilling their social responsibilities Why it matters: The revision removes the unclear phrase “public promises” while preserving the claim about corporate responsibility.
- 8. Fix the reference Original: enabling their citizens Suggested revision: enabling local residents Why it matters: Towns have residents, while “their citizens” creates an awkward and potentially unclear reference.
- 9. Use natural phrasing Original: most people are increasingly beset Suggested revision: many people are increasingly burdened Why it matters: “Burdened” is more natural for growing pressure from duties, and “many” avoids the unsupported absolute scope of “most.”
- 10. Use concise wording Original: engage in conversation with each other Suggested revision: talk with one another Why it matters: The revision conveys the same action more directly without the nominalized phrase “engage in conversation.”
- 11. Correct the preposition Original: of Suggested revision: for Why it matters: The facilities create a favourable image for the companies, while “of” can imply an image depicting them.
- 12. Use precise references Original: these large companies and the local people Suggested revision: the sponsoring companies and local residents Why it matters: The revision identifies both groups consistently with the terms used in the surrounding discussion.
Suggested Rewrites
- promote a company’s image in a positive light enhance a company’s image
- grant these people the appropriate setting for them to participate provide these people with a suitable setting in which to participate
- common community
- most of the local denizens many local residents
- during holiday seasons or through recreational activities during holiday periods or while taking part in recreational activities
- promulgate a sense that convey the impression that
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, fully developed argument, supported by specific examples and a confident range of language. Its main limitation is the absence of paragraph breaks, which weakens the visible organisation despite strong logical progression, alongside a few strained lexical choices and grammatical slips. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the essay into purposeful paragraphs and then polish occasional unnatural expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear position and develops two directly relevant benefits with specific supporting examples.
Qualify the conclusion more carefully by avoiding the unsupported prediction that such facilities will necessarily flourish.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning progresses clearly through two arguments and a conclusion, but the entire essay is presented as one paragraph.
Separate the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs to make the structure immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and often sophisticated vocabulary, though a few choices sound strained or imprecise.
Prefer natural wording over expressions such as promulgate a sense and decided benefits, and reduce unnecessary repetition of communal.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequent and mostly accurate, with occasional faults that do not impede meaning.
Correct clause construction and redundancy in sentences such as A by-product of this act is residents and where most of the parks there.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that big companies should provide sports and social facilities for the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.