An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
People worldwide increasingly opt for plastic surgery to enhance their appearance, a trend fueled by the societal emphasis on beauty standards. However, I believe this development is negative as it can harm a person's health.
Cosmetic procedures are in high demand because people want to meet society's expectations for beauty. Those with ideal facial features or body shapes have advantages in social and professional settings. Some professions, such as acting and flight attending, are especially concerned with physical appearance. Even in other job vacancies, recruiters and HR representatives may eliminate candidates who do not meet beauty standards before assessing their skills or experience. In Korea, where appearance is particularly important, plain-looking citizens not only face difficulties in securing jobs but also appearance-based discrimination.
While plastic surgery can offer benefits, it also poses physical and psychological risks. Complications such as infection, scarring, and post-anesthetic issues are common. In severe cases, patients may experience facial dysmorphia, cardiovascular or respiratory complications, or even death. Patients may also become dissatisfied with the results, leading to body dysmorphia disorder, a mental health condition in which they become overly preoccupied with perceived flaws in their appearance. They may also suffer from depression and anxiety or become addicted to plastic surgery, all of which contribute to poor mental health.
In conclusion, the pressure to conform to beauty standards has led to the popularity of the cosmetic surgery industry. However, indulging in plastic beauty can have a negative impact on people's health. Therefore, this trend should be monitored and controlled.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise collocation Original: meet society's expectations for beauty Suggested revision: meet society's beauty standards Why it matters: Beauty standards is the more direct and established phrase for this idea.
- 2. Avoid absolute claim Original: have advantages in social and professional settings Suggested revision: may gain advantages in social and professional settings Why it matters: May gain appropriately qualifies a general tendency rather than presenting it as universal.
- 3. Correct occupation phrase Original: acting and flight attending Suggested revision: acting and working as a flight attendant Why it matters: Flight attending is not the standard name for this occupation.
- 4. Use precise subject relation Original: are especially concerned with physical appearance Suggested revision: place particular emphasis on physical appearance Why it matters: Professions place emphasis on a quality rather than being personally concerned with it.
- 5. Correct recruitment phrase Original: Even in other job vacancies Suggested revision: In recruitment for other jobs Why it matters: Candidates are assessed during recruitment, not in a job vacancy.
- 6. Use natural hiring verb Original: eliminate Suggested revision: reject Why it matters: Reject is the more natural verb for excluding applicants from a hiring process.
- 7. Use neutral description Original: plain-looking citizens Suggested revision: people perceived as unattractive Why it matters: The replacement is more neutral and makes clear that the judgement is socially constructed.
- 8. Fix parallel structure Original: not only face difficulties in securing jobs but also appearance-based discrimination Suggested revision: face not only difficulties in securing jobs but also appearance-based discrimination Why it matters: Placing not only after the verb makes the two objects grammatically parallel.
- 9. Use specific medical term Original: post-anesthetic issues Suggested revision: post-anaesthetic complications Why it matters: Complications is more precise than the vague word issues in this list.
- 10. Correct condition name Original: dysmorphia Suggested revision: dysmorphic Why it matters: Body dysmorphic disorder is the standard form of the term.
- 11. Clarify what became popular Original: the popularity of the cosmetic surgery industry Suggested revision: the growing popularity of cosmetic surgery Why it matters: Cosmetic surgery itself becomes popular, while an industry is more naturally described as growing.
- 12. Replace unnatural phrase Original: indulging in plastic beauty Suggested revision: undergoing cosmetic procedures Why it matters: Plastic beauty is not an idiomatic term for receiving cosmetic surgery.
Suggested Rewrites
- meet society's expectations for beauty meet society's beauty standards
- have advantages in social and professional settings may gain advantages in social and professional settings
- acting and flight attending acting and working as a flight attendant
- are especially concerned with physical appearance place particular emphasis on physical appearance
- Even in other job vacancies In recruitment for other jobs
- eliminate reject
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response's strongest feature is its direct coverage of both questions, with a clear negative position and detailed discussion of social pressure and health risks. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement and imprecise terminology, which slightly weakens the authority of otherwise relevant support. The highest-priority improvement is to use more carefully qualified claims and accurate terms while explaining one concrete example in greater depth.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly, and the causes and negative consequences are developed with relevant explanations and examples.
Qualify broad claims about discrimination and medical complications, and develop one example with more specific evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organized, with focused paragraphs, clear progression, and cohesive links that rarely draw attention to themselves.
Tighten the concluding recommendation so it follows more directly from the preceding evaluation of the trend.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, though a few expressions and technical terms are unnatural or inaccurate.
Replace phrases such as “flight attending,” “body dysmorphia disorder,” and “plastic beauty” with standard, context-appropriate wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is handled accurately, and errors are limited and do not impede communication.
Improve parallelism in constructions such as “not only face difficulties ... but also appearance-based discrimination” for fully polished control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.