an increasing number of people are choosing cosmetology surgery to improve their appearance. What are the reasons? Do you think is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
In the contemporary era, many people are willing to do plastic surgery to betterment their looks. There are many reasons for this development, such as increasing complexity in nature, competition in the workplace and many more. From my perspective, I presume it is a positive development.
To begin with, in ancient times, people did not have this kind of facility to groom themselves according to their wishes. On the other hand, in today’s world, there are a lot of advancements in the cosmetology department to change one’s personal appearance. To cite a real-time example, especially in the film industry, most actresses normally undergo cosmetic surgery to improvise their outlook to compete with co-workers. One of the renowned debut actresses in the Tamil industry was recently named Miss. Athulya Ravi dramatically transformed her facial parts, such as her nose, cheeks and teeth. Besides that, changing personalities will surge their confidence level to the next step.
Moreover, these types of improvisation will help in various aspects. One such useful thing is hair transplantation which supports people who are losing their hair at a younger age. Besides this, alternatively, aid people suffering from lots of criticism because of their appearance, such as facial look, body structure, skin colour and so on. In general, humans commonly face a major challenge in hair growth in the face, hands, and legs. Due to this, they cannot get involved with other people without reluctance. Indeed, to avoid this, there is a method in cosmetology called waxing and sugaring, where individuals can get rid of hair growth.
To conclude, it is evident that increasing cosmetology surgery supports people in overcoming their challenges and helps to groom themselves. Hence, the development is positive.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: do Suggested revision: undergo Why it matters: People undergo surgery rather than do it.
- 2. Use verb form Original: to betterment their looks Suggested revision: to improve their appearance Why it matters: Betterment is a noun and cannot follow to as the main verb.
- 3. Clarify vague phrase Original: increasing complexity in nature Suggested revision: increasing complexity in modern life Why it matters: The revision identifies where the stated complexity is occurring.
- 4. State view directly Original: I presume it is Suggested revision: I consider this Why it matters: Consider expresses the writer's evaluation more directly here.
- 5. Use accurate noun Original: this kind of facility Suggested revision: such facilities Why it matters: Facility is too vague for the range of cosmetic services being discussed.
- 6. Sharpen contrast Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: By contrast more directly links the difference between ancient times and the present.
- 7. Use concise wording Original: a lot of advancements Suggested revision: many advances Why it matters: Many advances is the more concise academic collocation.
- 8. Name field accurately Original: cosmetology department Suggested revision: field of cosmetic surgery Why it matters: Department incorrectly suggests a single organisational unit rather than a medical field.
- 9. Correct example phrase Original: real-time example Suggested revision: contemporary example Why it matters: Real-time refers to events occurring or transmitted immediately, not simply a recent example.
- 10. Correct word choice Original: improvise their outlook Suggested revision: improve their appearance Why it matters: Improvise does not mean make an appearance better.
- 11. Preserve intended meaning Original: changing personalities Suggested revision: changing their appearance Why it matters: Cosmetic procedures change appearance, whereas personality refers to character.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: surge their confidence level to the next step Suggested revision: boost their confidence Why it matters: Boost confidence is the standard collocation for causing confidence to increase.
Suggested Rewrites
- do undergo
- to betterment their looks to improve their appearance
- increasing complexity in nature increasing complexity in modern life
- I presume it is I consider this
- this kind of facility such facilities
- On the other hand By contrast
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear positive position and uses a range of examples to explain why appearance-related procedures attract people. Its main limitation is that several reasons are loosely developed or drift from cosmetic surgery into general grooming, while frequent awkward phrasing and sentence-structure errors weaken precision. Prioritise developing two directly relevant causes and positive effects in clear cause-and-effect chains, then edit each sentence for complete grammar and natural collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions and maintains a clear positive view, but several supporting points are only partly developed or tangential.
Develop a small number of direct reasons for the rise in cosmetic surgery and connect each one clearly to the claimed positive outcome.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the response broad progression, although some linking expressions are mechanical or logically unclear.
Use simpler transitions and organise each body paragraph around one controlling idea followed by a clear explanation and example.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss appearance and confidence, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace awkward expressions such as improvised appearance language with standard collocations for undergoing surgery, changing appearance, and gaining confidence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but recurring fragments, faulty clause construction, and agreement errors weaken control.
Check that every sentence has a clear subject and finite verb, then simplify long clauses that cannot be controlled accurately.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
an increasing number of people are choosing cosmetology surgery to improve their appearance. What are the reasons? Do you think is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.