It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a Metro city. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In present times, education is one of the crucial needs of individuals to survive in the competitive market. While some people believe that children should grow up in rural areas instead of growing up in megacities, here I completely disagree with this given logic and will discuss it further in this monogram.
The first and foremost reason is that children should live and develop in the city area, as many activities are available in the city centre to build mental and physical health for children. For instance, a child living in a city has many options for development like high-tech education schools, easy availability of resources like books and other materials that can make them more engaged and they can be more updated with the current times. Moreover, students can easily coordinate with a mentor who helps them improve their skills, and on the contrary, such facilities are not easily available in villages.
Another reason to live in a big city is that the child can compete with others, and it will help them learn new skills like time management, communication, and others; While in rural areas, the lives of individuals are not much upgraded as compared to megacities. Also, individuals do not find more opportunities to develop in rural areas. For example, in recent times, numerous students have been going abroad to study and develop their careers.
To recapitulate, as far as my point of view is concerned, I believe that children should stay in the city to develop and lead a good life compared to the lives of individuals in rural areas.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: In present times Suggested revision: Nowadays Why it matters: “Nowadays” expresses the same time reference more naturally and concisely.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: crucial Suggested revision: essential Why it matters: “Essential needs” is the natural collocation in this context.
- 3. Specify the market Original: the competitive market Suggested revision: the competitive job market Why it matters: Adding “job” clarifies the kind of market in which education helps individuals compete.
- 4. Remove misplaced adverb Original: here I completely disagree Suggested revision: I completely disagree Why it matters: “Here” is unnecessary and awkwardly placed before the main clause.
- 5. Use accurate reference Original: this given logic Suggested revision: this view Why it matters: The writer is disagreeing with a viewpoint rather than a form of logic.
- 6. Correct the noun Original: monogram Suggested revision: essay Why it matters: A monogram is a design made from initials, so “essay” is the intended word.
- 7. Avoid redundancy Original: first and foremost reason Suggested revision: main reason Why it matters: “Main reason” conveys the priority without the redundant paired expression.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: the city area Suggested revision: a city Why it matters: “Live and develop in a city” is the natural expression for this general claim.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: build mental and physical health Suggested revision: support children’s mental and physical development Why it matters: Activities support development rather than “build” health, and the revision clarifies who benefits.
- 10. Use natural verb Original: coordinate Suggested revision: work Why it matters: “Work with” is more natural for receiving a mentor’s help.
- 11. Use direct contrast Original: and on the contrary Suggested revision: whereas Why it matters: “Whereas” directly and grammatically connects the contrast between city and village facilities.
- 12. Keep the subject plural Original: the child can compete Suggested revision: children can compete Why it matters: The essay discusses children generally, so the plural subject is more consistent.
Suggested Rewrites
- In present times Nowadays
- crucial essential
- the competitive market the competitive job market
- here I completely disagree I completely disagree
- this given logic this view
- monogram essay
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear opinion and organises two main reasons into an easy-to-follow structure. However, development is uneven: the second argument remains general, and its example about studying abroad does not clearly demonstrate the benefits of growing up in a city. Focus on building each reason with a directly relevant explanation and example, while improving collocation and sentence control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The prompt is addressed with a consistent position, but some supporting ideas are general or only partly relevant.
Explain precisely how each claimed city advantage affects childhood development and choose examples that directly prove that link.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, though some linking is mechanical and several long sentences contain loosely connected ideas.
Give each body paragraph one sharply defined central claim and link its explanation and example directly to that claim.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic and shows some range, but awkward choices such as monogram and upgraded weaken accuracy.
Prefer precise, natural academic collocations and avoid replacing familiar words with unsuitable formal-sounding alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex forms, but punctuation, clause control, and awkward sentence construction cause recurring errors.
Break overloaded sentences into controlled units and check capitalization, comparison structures, and subordinate-clause punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a Metro city. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.