People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the time fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?
Sample Response
The prospect of an ideal society has captivated human thought for centuries, yet in practice, most of these ideas have failed to be realized. In my opinion, because people disagree fundamentally on what utopia is, it is difficult to implement it. I argue that utopias are also an obstacle to human progress, for it removes the need for suffering, which is fundamental for finding meaning.
Firstly, it is impossible to actually describe a utopian society that works for everyone, since every person has a different idea of what utopia constitutes. When two conflicting views of the ideal society come into conflict, the use of force might have to be used in order to implement one version of reality over the other. For example, whilst one person might envision an ideal society as one where they can do business as they please, many others might view a utopia as one where private property and businesses are abolished, and where people do not have to work. It is simply impossible to reconcile the two, and attempts at implementing utopia might fall apart upon disagreement.
Secondly, it could be argued that there is an innate metaphysical value to suffering that utopias would eradicate. Suffering could be said to be essential to us, for it is what provides meaning to our lives - to live in utopia, where there is no suffering, could be to abandon all meaning. For example, even though child-rearing can often be very difficult, many parents still endure hardship for their children because they view it as a meaningful endeavor. In a utopia, where everyone could get everything they want, it might be said that there may be no motivation to embark on meaningful pursuits.
On the whole, I believe that ideal societies are impossible to build by their very nature whilst removing any sort of meaning itself. Therefore, I argue that we should not try to implement them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the reference Original: implement it Suggested revision: create such a society Why it matters: The replacement makes the pronoun's reference explicit.
- 2. Fix pronoun agreement Original: for it removes Suggested revision: for they remove Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun 'utopias'.
- 3. Fix clause structure Original: what utopia constitutes Suggested revision: what constitutes a utopia Why it matters: The subject and complement need to be reordered in this embedded clause.
- 4. Avoid repetition Original: come into conflict Suggested revision: clash Why it matters: This avoids repeating 'conflicting' and expresses the idea more concisely.
- 5. Remove repeated wording Original: the use of force might have to be used Suggested revision: force might have to be employed Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating 'use' while preserving the claim.
- 6. Use precise wording Original: one version of reality Suggested revision: one vision of society Why it matters: The revised phrase refers more precisely to the competing social models.
- 7. Add a determiner Original: implementing utopia Suggested revision: implementing a utopian system Why it matters: The countable idea needs a determiner in this context.
- 8. Improve the collocation Original: fall apart upon disagreement Suggested revision: collapse when disagreements arise Why it matters: The replacement is a more natural formal expression of the intended outcome.
- 9. Fix the preposition Original: to Suggested revision: in Why it matters: 'Value in' is the natural collocation for value found within an experience.
- 10. Join clauses correctly Original: lives - to live Suggested revision: lives; to live Why it matters: A semicolon correctly links these closely related independent clauses.
- 11. Use natural phrasing Original: could be to abandon all meaning Suggested revision: might mean abandoning all meaning Why it matters: The revised construction expresses the consequence more naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- implement it create such a society
- for it removes for they remove
- what utopia constitutes what constitutes a utopia
- come into conflict clash
- the use of force might have to be used force might have to be employed
- one version of reality one vision of society
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its intellectually ambitious, consistently argued explanation of why a universally acceptable utopia is unattainable, supported by relevant contrasts and an apt personal example. Its main limitation is that the second question is answered mainly by rejecting the possibility of creation rather than by stating that answer directly and exploring its practical implications; make that response explicit early and develop what society should pursue instead.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear, well-developed position explains why an ideal society cannot be realized, although the response to how one could be created remains somewhat implicit.
State explicitly that such a society cannot be created and develop the practical alternative society should aim for.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a focused introduction, two distinct arguments, and a concise conclusion, with cohesive devices used naturally.
Sharpen the link between the two body arguments so both clearly support the same direct answer to the creation question.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports sophisticated discussion, including effective terms such as reconcile, metaphysical, and meaningful pursuits.
Refine occasional awkward or over-abstract phrasing to keep the argument consistently direct and natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is handled with strong control, and the few lapses do not impede meaning.
Check pronoun agreement and streamline heavily embedded clauses to eliminate the remaining minor inaccuracies.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the time fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.