History tells that people have often thought about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen.
Sample Response
It is true that studying the past can help us understandhelp us to know more about how nations havehad been successful in making a perfect community. Although many options can be considered to create an ideal societyfor having an ideal society, I personally believe that having appropriate leaders and equal access to resourcesequal usage of resources are two important factors.
To begin with, in the past, people had numerous challenges in makingnumerous challenges to make their country a safer place to livea safer place for living. In many countries, democracy had been the best form of governmentbest type of living condition, and voting was the best means of achieving itbest device for achieving it. HoweverHowever, unfortunately, frauds prohibited them from becoming prosperous in this matter. As a prime example, Iranians participated in national presidential elections many timesparticipated many times in the national presidential elections to choose their preferred presidentto opt their favourable president, but their votes were not counted. Another factor is war. UnexpectedlyUnpredictably, nations faced sudden battles, affecting their lifestyles. They tried to raise their standard of living by constructingby the construction of more industries, schools, houses, and roads, while war destroyed them. In particular, whereas industrialisation had raised the Europeans’ lifestyles, they faced World War II, which demolished their country and millions of lives.
From my perspective, to create a perfect communityfor having a perfect community two important factors should not be forgotten. One is the selection of an appropriate leader. Definitely, without having a strongpowerful leadership, nations cannot succeed in critical situations. For instance, a good leader can save thousands of people’s lives during a natural calamity by sending sufficient information to national organisations. Had the government of Nepal had a far more efficient governor, fewer people were died by the Earthquake occurred recently. In addition, socialism is extremely important. All resources should be under control of the community, and citizens, of different social statusesfrom different social status, must have equal access to all resources, including healthcare, shelter, food, and job.
In conclusion, wars and political corruptioncorruptions are two leading reasons that caused societies to become less prosperous in their way to make a perfect society. I personally think that leadership and having a standard social system can assist communities to overcome their difficulties and make their country a better place to livea better place for living.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay offers a coherent account of why ideal societies fail and proposes leadership and equal access to resources as solutions, using historical and contemporary examples. Its main limitation is that several claims are sweeping or factually unsupported, and awkward language sometimes obscures the causal reasoning. The priority is to define the features of an ideal society clearly and connect each proposed solution to a specific obstacle with credible support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response remains relevant by identifying political corruption and war as obstacles and proposing leadership and resource equality, but its definition and supporting examples are uneven.
Define an ideal society through specific outcomes such as safety, fair institutions, and basic services, then link each solution directly to one outcome.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from historical barriers to proposed solutions with clear paragraphing, although the two broad solutions in the third paragraph are not equally developed.
Separate effective leadership and equitable resource access into distinct development units with one example and causal explanation for each.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for politics, conflict, and social welfare, but awkward choices such as 'living condition,' 'voting device,' and 'demolished lives' reduce accuracy.
Use precise terms such as 'system of government,' 'electoral process,' 'destroyed infrastructure,' and 'caused millions of deaths.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex forms are attempted and meaning is generally clear, but tense selection, articles, agreement, plurals, and the past counterfactual contain recurring errors.
Use the counterfactual accurately, for example 'Had Nepal had more effective leadership, fewer people might have died in the earthquake.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
History tells that people have often thought about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.