Encouraging the development of creative industries such as the production of video games and computer software is the best way to reduce youth unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?
Sample Response
There has been a dramatic increase in unemployment rate in developing countries over the last few years. However, with the effective use of technological advancement, this gap could be shortening to some extent. Information technology can play a significant role in the career development of youngster by adapting software and game development as their profession. I strongly believe that those new industries substantially help youth in better careers and open new horizon of opportunities for them. Firstly, setup cost of such industries is very affordable and feasible, as it required a computer and a few software to start programming. This is not surprising that end products if fully developed could give them lucrative benefits and commercial gains. Moreover, youth can attract the attention of international customers by offering them cheap rate and reliable services by the use of numerous freelancing websites over the internet. Those websites pay their users in dollars after deducting a little charge for facilitating them. However, governments can also play a pivotal role in mitigating youth woes in many ways. They should offer loan to the educated people on low markup rate to start their own business. This will encourage youngsters to show their entrepreneur skills and thrive in their field of choice. Secondly, there is a dire need to make rectification in the merit system, a large number of potential candidates deprived of getting jobs due to nepotism and favouritism by the authorities concerned. Finally, the government should generate new job vacancies in numbers proportion to population growth. To sum up, I would like to say that youngster could get numerous benefits by using new and dynamic industries. As all the institutions are going to computerised, making new and lucrative opportunities for people associate with game and software industries. Moreover, vocational training by the government in information technology and other industries would help in depletion of unemployment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add definite article Original: in unemployment rate Suggested revision: in the unemployment rate Why it matters: The specific measure “unemployment rate” requires the definite article here.
- 2. Use natural plural Original: advancement Suggested revision: advances Why it matters: The plural phrase naturally refers to developments in technology in general.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: this gap Suggested revision: unemployment Why it matters: No gap has been identified, so naming unemployment makes the reference clear.
- 4. Use correct passive Original: shortening Suggested revision: reduced Why it matters: The passive form “could be reduced” correctly describes a decrease caused by technological change.
- 5. Use plural noun Original: of youngster Suggested revision: of young people Why it matters: A plural generic noun is required when referring to young people as a group.
- 6. Correct verb choice Original: by adapting software and game development as their profession Suggested revision: by adopting software and game development as professions Why it matters: “Adopting” means choosing these fields, whereas “adapting” has a different meaning.
- 7. Use nearby reference Original: those Suggested revision: these Why it matters: “These” appropriately refers back to the industries just introduced.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: help youth in better careers Suggested revision: help young people build better careers Why it matters: “Build better careers” is the natural verb pattern for the intended meaning.
- 9. Correct number pattern Original: open new horizon of opportunities Suggested revision: open new horizons of opportunity Why it matters: The idiomatic expression uses plural “horizons” with uncountable “opportunity” in this construction.
- 10. Use plural costs Original: setup cost of such industries Suggested revision: the start-up costs of such businesses Why it matters: The claim concerns multiple businesses, so a plural noun phrase is required.
- 11. Correct tense and reference Original: as it required Suggested revision: as they require Why it matters: Present tense and a plural pronoun correctly refer to the industries being discussed.
- 12. Use countable noun Original: a few software Suggested revision: a few software programs Why it matters: “Software” is uncountable, so a countable unit such as “programs” is needed after “a few.”
Suggested Rewrites
- in unemployment rate in the unemployment rate
- advancement advances
- this gap unemployment
- shortening reduced
- of youngster of young people
- by adapting software and game development as their profession by adopting software and game development as professions
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its range of relevant measures, moving from digital entrepreneurship to loans, fair recruitment, job creation, and vocational training. Its main limitation is that the claim that creative industries are the best solution is asserted more than evaluated, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision. Prioritise directly comparing this approach with the proposed alternatives and editing sentences for agreement, articles, verb forms, and complete clause structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear favourable view and several relevant measures, but it does not sufficiently evaluate whether creative industries are the best solution.
Compare the proposed digital-industry approach directly with the other measures and support that judgement with clearer reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has an understandable progression from creative industries to government action, though mechanical sequencing and several loosely connected clauses reduce fluency.
Organise each main measure into a focused paragraph and use logical links that show comparison, cause, and result precisely.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad topic-specific vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word-form choices sometimes blur the intended meaning.
Prioritise accurate common combinations for employment, entrepreneurship, loans, recruitment, and reducing unemployment before adding less familiar terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb forms, plurals, and clause completion weaken control.
Edit each sentence for a complete main clause, then check subject-verb agreement, countable nouns, and verb patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Encouraging the development of creative industries such as the production of video games and computer software is the best way to reduce youth unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.