Some people think that being creative during your time off is helpful. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and express your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is irrefutable that living with so much uncertainty is hard, so each and every segment of life will consume inappropriate manner. A section of society asserts that utilising leisure time in productivity has more merits. Although many may see a positive phenomenon, it is a note on-trend without drawbacks. Both merits and demerits will be discussed in the subsequent paragraphs, along with opinions.
On the one hand, there are ample advantages of consuming less time on the several recreational activities. Reanimate the brain in various things during spare time helps to improve the mental ability is an integral part, thus leads to enhancing the power of the nervous system in well mannered. In that case, the majority of individuals always remain busy in their work as well as in-home, which they do some possible changes in surroundings. For instance, in a recent survey conducted in India New Zealand, those people get attached to the direction of errands, have significant improvement in their mental power and give more positive outcomes in order to work rather than other people. The added advantage is that the routine of work without any short breaks also helps to develop innovative and cognitive skills, so they get more ideas and are able to multitask at the same time. Moreover, it is a tremendous opportunity to refine the life quality and boost the potential for work, such as all researchers scientists are not willing to take off during their work, even they always get engaged with the experiment to ameliorate outputs.
Despite the advantages above, the main problem with that, without any break, life would become mundane and gains some mental disorder that leads to the individual will suffer from drastic mental and health consequences in future. According to this, the muscles in the human body also need proper relaxation and rejuvenate the power for the tasks. For instance, according to a doctor’s advisory, the body needs a short break after a long time of working hours much crucial in human development and reattained concentration in work. To add it, the family intention is a most prominent issue in today’s society, while the always interacting with work leads few family disturbance and unable to get intimate with the presence of mind, so the bond between getting weak and would be deprived of abundant abilities in their day to day life.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down and say that doing and getting busy in spare time will boost the memory of the brain and improve their thinking skills. Therefore, too much get engage with work in spare time also has a negative impact on the brain, and this practice is not compatible with human life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the adverb form Original: utilising leisure time in productivity Suggested revision: using leisure time productively Why it matters: The adverb 'productively' correctly describes how leisure time is used.
- 2. Use natural wording Original: has more merits Suggested revision: has many benefits Why it matters: 'Has many benefits' is clearer and more idiomatic in this context.
- 3. Specify the opinion Original: along with opinions Suggested revision: along with my opinion Why it matters: The possessive determiner is needed to identify whose opinion will be given.
- 4. Fix articles and prepositions Original: advantages of consuming less time on the several recreational activities Suggested revision: advantages to spending less time on recreational activities Why it matters: The revision uses the correct prepositions and removes the unnecessary definite article.
- 5. Correct the prepositions Original: remain busy in their work as well as in-home Suggested revision: remain busy at work as well as at home Why it matters: The fixed expressions are 'at work' and 'at home.'
- 6. Join the place names Original: conducted in India New Zealand Suggested revision: conducted in India and New Zealand Why it matters: The conjunction is required between the two country names.
- 7. Clarify the outcome Original: give more positive outcomes in order to work Suggested revision: achieve better outcomes at work Why it matters: The revision uses natural collocations and states where the outcomes occur.
- 8. Fix the collocation Original: refine the life quality Suggested revision: improve quality of life Why it matters: 'Improve quality of life' is the standard expression.
- 9. Correct the noun phrase Original: researchers Suggested revision: research Why it matters: 'Research' functions as the modifier before the head noun 'scientists.'
- 10. Complete the clause Original: with Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The clause requires the linking verb 'is' before the that-clause.
- 11. Restore parallel structure Original: life would become mundane and gains some mental disorder Suggested revision: life may become monotonous, and people may develop mental disorders Why it matters: The revision gives both coordinated clauses explicit subjects and parallel modal verbs.
- 12. Fix the clause pattern Original: that leads to the individual will suffer from Suggested revision: which may cause individuals to suffer from Why it matters: 'Cause someone to suffer' is the grammatical structure needed here.
Suggested Rewrites
- utilising leisure time in productivity using leisure time productively
- has more merits has many benefits
- along with opinions along with my opinion
- advantages of consuming less time on the several recreational activities advantages to spending less time on recreational activities
- remain busy in their work as well as in-home remain busy at work as well as at home
- conducted in India New Zealand conducted in India and New Zealand
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response has a recognisable advantages-and-disadvantages structure and attempts to support each side with explanations and examples. Its central weakness is that it largely discusses constant work and the absence of breaks, only loosely addressing creativity during leisure time, while frequent language errors obscure several points. Reframe both sides around specific creative activities and express a clear personal judgement in shorter, grammatically complete sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are presented, but the response substantially shifts from creativity in free time to working continuously, and the final opinion is unclear.
Define creative leisure activities, develop their specific benefits and drawbacks, and state an unambiguous opinion that directly answers the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing separates the main sections, but progression within paragraphs is weakened by unclear references, loosely connected examples, and overlong sentences.
Give each body paragraph one precise controlling idea and develop it through a simple claim, explanation, and directly relevant example.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations make meaning strained or unclear.
Use familiar words accurately and learn natural combinations such as 'spend leisure time creatively', 'improve concentration', and 'maintain family relationships'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in sentence structure, agreement, articles, and verb forms regularly make meaning difficult to follow.
Build reliable simple and compound sentences first, then add one clearly controlled subordinate clause at a time.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that being creative during your time off is helpful. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and express your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.