Some people believe that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of a bad person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Crime has been studied by many scientific disciplines, with some people ascribing it to social problems and poverty, and others thinking that it is caused by the criminal’s nature. In this, I believe that unlawful behavior is more likely the result of defective personal qualities.
Several explanations can support crime being a function of inferior socioeconomic factors. Firstly, poverty reduces access to education and employment, causing hopelessness and desperation as a result. Having been deprived of opportunities, people may turn to crime to get by. Furthermore, people whose environment is rife with social problems may be accustomed to illegal behavior, making it easier for themselves to engage in criminal activities later on. A child who grows up in a neighborhood with drug problems could turn into a drug dealer himself, since he has witnessed drug abuse and addiction as a norm. It could, therefore, be argued that social issues and poverty create criminals.
However, the view that crime is a result of the perpetrator’s nature is no less convincing. Proponents of this belief claim that certain traits, such as impulsivity, aggression, and callousness, predispose individuals to immoral or unethical behavior. People with these traits become less considerate when they perceive any threat to their self-interest, making them likely to ignore the consequences of their actions. Others, meanwhile, carry undiagnosed psychological disorders, and their condition makes them more prone to committing crimes. A large share of the prison population, especially repeat offenders, are affected by sociopathy, a disorder usually characterized by inhibited compassion towards others. It is not well-understood otherwise, and education has only been partially effective in mitigating sociopathy’s effects. For these reasons, criminals’ nature is definitely worth looking at as a cause of their offenses.
In conclusion, while both views can be supported by evidence, I believe one’s personality is a more indicative factor of whether they are likely to commit crimes. Hence, it is crucial that parents and guardians pay attention to how they shape their children’s nature.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify reference Original: In this Suggested revision: In this debate Why it matters: Naming the debate makes the reference more explicit.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: defective personal qualities Suggested revision: harmful personality traits Why it matters: This phrase conveys the intended meaning more naturally and precisely.
- 3. Use general reference Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The indefinite article is more suitable for a general claim about criminals.
- 4. Correct pronoun form Original: themselves Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The object pronoun is required because the people are not acting upon themselves.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: drug abuse and addiction as a norm Suggested revision: drug abuse and addiction as normal Why it matters: The revised wording fits more naturally after “witnessed.”
- 6. Correct verb choice Original: carry Suggested revision: have Why it matters: People have or live with disorders rather than carry them in this context.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: inhibited compassion towards others Suggested revision: limited compassion for others Why it matters: This is a more natural expression for reduced compassion.
- 8. Use clearer noun Original: nature Suggested revision: personalities Why it matters: “Personalities” expresses the intended human characteristic more clearly here.
- 9. Improve expression Original: a more indicative factor of whether Suggested revision: a better indicator of whether Why it matters: “Indicator of whether” is the natural collocation for this comparison.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Several explanations can support crime being a function of inferior socioeconomic factors. Suggested revision: Several explanations support the view that crime can result from adverse socioeconomic factors. Why it matters: The rewrite removes awkward nominal phrasing while preserving the claim.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: It is not well-understood otherwise, and education has only been partially effective in mitigating sociopathy’s effects. Suggested revision: Sociopathy is not well understood, and education has been only partially effective in mitigating its effects. Why it matters: Naming the subject removes the unclear pronoun and the illogical use of “otherwise.”
Suggested Rewrites
- In this In this debate
- defective personal qualities harmful personality traits
- the a
- themselves them
- drug abuse and addiction as a norm drug abuse and addiction as normal
- carry have
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its balanced, well-developed discussion, supported by a clear and consistently maintained preference for personal disposition as the stronger cause. Its main limitation is that several claims about psychological disorders and offenders are presented too categorically, which reduces evidential nuance. Prioritise qualifying those claims and grounding them in more precise reasoning while retaining the essay’s effective structure and sophisticated language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are developed in depth, and the writer’s preference for personal nature as the stronger cause remains clear throughout.
Qualify broad claims about sociopathy and repeat offenders so that the supporting argument is more measured and credible.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a balanced four-paragraph structure, with cohesive devices used smoothly and clear connections within each argument.
Clarify the referent and function of the sentence beginning with ‘It is not well-understood otherwise’ to avoid a momentary break in progression.
Lexical Resource
A wide and flexible vocabulary conveys abstract arguments precisely, although a few choices such as ‘inhibited compassion’ are not fully natural.
Refine occasional collocations by choosing more idiomatic formulations such as ‘limited empathy’ or ‘a stronger indicator’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Polish comparative and complement structures, particularly phrases such as ‘a more indicative factor of whether’, for greater grammatical naturalness.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of a bad person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.