Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Crime has always been a concerning issue in many societies. Despite that, some hold the view that crime is being dealt with effectively, though other people call for more measures to alleviate it. I personally agree with the latter view. To start, it is fair to say that law enforcers have achieved some degree of success in the way of combating crime. This is primarily thanks to advances in technology in recent years. While in the past law enforcement was rather limited due to distance and manpower issues, today modern technology can be used to enforce law on a much larger scale without actual human presence. More specifically, introduction of CCTV cameras, radars, drones and other similar equipment has enabled detection and prevention of crime in real time. In this sense, it can be deduced that crime is no longer a major issue in many countries. Convincing as it may sound, the argument for improvement in crime prevention has its shortcomings. First of all, I believe technology, as well as helping avoid crime, has enabled it in ways which were not possible before. People can now use computers to organize crime in bigger contexts, and even execute terrorist attacks virtually as well as in the physical world. Shutting down of electricity grids, hospitals, banks, and banking websites are a good case in point. On top of that, rising unemployment has contributed to growing crime rate, which necessitates more stringent measures to clamp down on crime. Having considered the crime problem from both angles, I am more inclined to say that fight against crime, if anything, should be bolstered in response to growing crime rate from unemployment and technology-aided crime. #task2 279 words
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise verb Original: alleviate Suggested revision: reduce Why it matters: Reduce is the natural verb for lowering the level of crime.
- 2. Use natural term Original: law enforcers Suggested revision: law enforcement agencies Why it matters: Law enforcement agencies is a more natural formal term in this context.
- 3. Remove awkward phrase Original: success in the way of combating crime Suggested revision: success in combating crime Why it matters: The shorter construction expresses the intended meaning more naturally.
- 4. Add definite article Original: used to enforce law Suggested revision: used to enforce the law Why it matters: The fixed expression requires the definite article before law.
- 5. Add missing article Original: introduction of CCTV cameras Suggested revision: the introduction of CCTV cameras Why it matters: The singular countable noun phrase needs an article here.
- 6. Use natural noun Original: radars Suggested revision: radar systems Why it matters: Radar systems is the more natural countable expression for this equipment.
- 7. Clarify the link Original: In this sense, it can be deduced Suggested revision: This suggests Why it matters: A direct reference makes the connection to the preceding evidence clearer.
- 8. Clarify pronoun reference Original: Convincing as it may sound Suggested revision: Convincing as this argument may sound Why it matters: Naming the argument removes the unclear reference of it.
- 9. Add missing article Original: contributed to growing crime rate Suggested revision: contributed to a growing crime rate Why it matters: The singular countable phrase crime rate requires an article.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: First of all, I believe technology, as well as helping avoid crime, has enabled it in ways which were not possible before. Suggested revision: First of all, I believe that technology, while helping to prevent crime, has also enabled criminal activity in ways that were not possible before. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the faulty as well as structure and clarifies what technology has enabled.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Shutting down of electricity grids, hospitals, banks, and banking websites are a good case in point. Suggested revision: The shutdown of electricity grids, hospitals, banks, and banking websites is a good case in point. Why it matters: The singular subject shutdown requires is and a definite article.
Suggested Rewrites
- alleviate reduce
- law enforcers law enforcement agencies
- success in the way of combating crime success in combating crime
- used to enforce law used to enforce the law
- introduction of CCTV cameras the introduction of CCTV cameras
- radars radar systems
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position, considers both perspectives, and supports its case with relevant examples of surveillance, cybercrime, and unemployment. Its main limitation is that a few claims are overstated or only briefly justified, especially the suggestion that crime is no longer a major issue; the highest-priority improvement is to qualify such claims and develop the causal reasoning more precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are addressed with relevant support, although a few conclusions are broader than the evidence provided.
Qualify the claim that crime is no longer a major issue and explain more carefully how each example supports the position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear discussion of the two views, with generally effective paragraphing and linking.
Strengthen the transition between the apparent success of technology and its limitations so the rebuttal develops more seamlessly.
Lexical Resource
A flexible range of topic vocabulary conveys precise ideas, despite several awkward or imprecise collocations.
Replace phrases such as 'organize crime in bigger contexts' with more natural, exact collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with good control, while occasional article and agreement errors remain.
Proofread noun phrases for articles and number, particularly references to crime rates and the fight against crime.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.