Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss on both sides and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Capitalizing on local cultural customs in order to appeal to tourists has always been a heated topic as many protest the effects this development might have on their cultural heritage. Personally, I disagree with the practice as I do not think they can honestly preserve the culture and heritage of local groups, albeit some exceptions to minority culture should be made.
As a point of consideration, when tourists invest in local cultural traditions, these traditions become a production that must be put on in order to please these tourists, leading to the loss of authenticity over time. Tourism places unnecessary stress on local customs, for they must appeal to tourists for their ideas about the culture and fulfill this expectation. Through a gradual process of change, there might not be any semblance of the old tradition left. For instance, many tourist destinations in East Asia have had to transform their food and services to fit Western taste, and as such, loses the authenticity that pulled people towards them in the first place.
On the other hand, exceptions can nonetheless be made when it comes to displaced natives living on reservations. These people have been forced off their lands in the past, and often forced to adapt to colonizers, and their cultures often have been repressed in the past to the extent that it may be nearly extinct. In these situations, these once sacred and important cultural rituals can only be kept alive by the interest of tourists. This is why many minority people actively welcome visitors to explore their culture and customs as a way to preserve them.
On the whole, I argue that tourism has had a negative effect on local cultures since the local cultures have had to change to something they are not; nonetheless, I believe that some exceptions should be made to minority cultures that need to be explored in order to be preserved.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise framing Original: Capitalizing on local cultural customs Suggested revision: The commercialization of local cultural customs Why it matters: This phrase identifies the commercial use of traditions more precisely.
- 2. Improve collocation Original: has always been a heated topic Suggested revision: has long been controversial Why it matters: This is a more natural way to describe a longstanding debate.
- 3. Choose natural verb Original: many protest the effects Suggested revision: many object to the effects Why it matters: People normally object to effects rather than protest them in this construction.
- 4. Correct preposition and number Original: exceptions to minority culture Suggested revision: exceptions for minority cultures Why it matters: Exceptions are made for groups or situations, and the reference is plural.
- 5. Clarify paragraph opening Original: As a point of consideration Suggested revision: One concern is that Why it matters: This connector introduces the paragraph's specific concern more directly.
- 6. Use accurate collocation Original: invest in local cultural traditions Suggested revision: spend money on local cultural traditions Why it matters: Tourists spend money on cultural experiences rather than invest in the traditions themselves.
- 7. Match plural subject Original: become a production Suggested revision: become commercial productions Why it matters: The plural subject “traditions” requires a plural complement.
- 8. Express intended meaning Original: old Suggested revision: original Why it matters: “Original” clearly refers to the tradition before commercial changes.
- 9. Use natural verb Original: transform Suggested revision: adapt Why it matters: “Adapt” is the natural verb for modifying offerings to suit an audience.
- 10. Use plural noun Original: taste Suggested revision: tastes Why it matters: The general preferences of a group are normally expressed with the plural noun.
- 11. Fix subject agreement Original: loses Suggested revision: lose Why it matters: The plural subject “destinations” requires the verb “lose.”
- 12. Improve word choice Original: pulled people towards them Suggested revision: attracted people to them Why it matters: “Attracted” expresses the intended meaning more naturally in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- Capitalizing on local cultural customs The commercialization of local cultural customs
- has always been a heated topic has long been controversial
- many protest the effects many object to the effects
- exceptions to minority culture exceptions for minority cultures
- As a point of consideration One concern is that
- invest in local cultural traditions spend money on local cultural traditions
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, nuanced position, supported by a logically balanced discussion of commercialisation and cultural preservation. Its main limitation is that several claims and examples remain broad, while awkward wording occasionally weakens precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each example with a more explicit causal link to the argument and revise imprecise collocations and agreement errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both views, maintains a clear qualified position, and supports each side with relevant reasoning and examples.
Develop the examples more specifically and explain their causal connection to cultural destruction or preservation more fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and the nuanced position remains easy to follow throughout.
Reduce repeated demonstrative references such as ‘these’ by naming the precise tradition, group, or effect being discussed.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of topic-specific vocabulary conveys complex ideas, although several collocations and word choices are imprecise.
Replace awkward phrases such as ‘appeal to tourists for their ideas’ with more natural, exact formulations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures effectively, with occasional agreement, pronoun-reference, and sentence-control errors.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement and ensure every pronoun has a clear, logically matching referent.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss on both sides and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.