If a product is good and meets customer needs, then people will buy it and advertising is unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some are of the belief that advertising is largely superfluous as most consumers are aware of their own needs. In my opinion, this is true despite the fact that advertising can occasionally serve informative purposes.
The stated aim of the majority of advertisements is to raise awareness among a potential audience. This applies to commercials, billboards, and online advertising. A good example would be the short commercials that play before videos on YouTube. These ads are designed to showcase an item or service that, based on advanced audience targeting, would appeal to a particular consumer or demographic. Since an individual has been targeted, it is likely that the advertisement will be relevant and, if the ad is well-designed, informative. For instance, this might be an advertisement for a smartphone targeted at a photography enthusiast that includes details about hardware specifications and picture quality.
However, the internet now allows individuals to research products more objectively on a case by case basis. When a particular person is interested in purchasing a new phone, because they lost an old one or they desire a more modern one, then they can compare prices online, read customer reviews, and consult a variety of blogs and sites like Consumer Report, which is well known for its unbiased appraisals. There are, admittedly, situations when individuals will uncover new products they might not have been aware of before through ads. However, this is more likely to occur organically in daily life if a person sees someone else, for example, with a useful smart watch. The advent of social media and sharing of personal information online also means that individuals have another media outlet aside from advertising that promotes new products and services.
In conclusion, advertising is no longer needed in modern society as there are other ways to research and discover products. This does not imply that advertising is ineffective, merely that in a perfect world it could be eliminated.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify causal link Original: as Suggested revision: because Why it matters: Using 'because' makes the causal relationship explicit.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: the majority of advertisements Suggested revision: most advertisements Why it matters: This shorter phrase expresses the same meaning more directly.
- 3. Specify the audience Original: raise awareness among a potential audience Suggested revision: raise awareness among potential customers Why it matters: 'Potential customers' is more precise in the context of product advertising.
- 4. Improve verb choice Original: commercials that play before videos Suggested revision: commercials shown before videos Why it matters: Commercials are more naturally described as being 'shown' before videos.
- 5. Reduce wordiness Original: an item or service that, based on advanced audience targeting, would appeal Suggested revision: an item or service likely to appeal Why it matters: The revision removes a cumbersome interruption while preserving the claim.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: Since an individual has been targeted Suggested revision: Because the advertisement targets a specific individual Why it matters: The active construction makes the agent and causal link clearer.
- 7. Refine relative phrase Original: situations when individuals Suggested revision: situations in which individuals Why it matters: 'In which' more accurately links the situations to what occurs within them.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: with a useful smart watch Suggested revision: using a useful smartwatch Why it matters: This wording states more clearly that the product is observed in use.
- 9. Choose precise wording Original: another media outlet aside from advertising Suggested revision: another source of product information besides advertising Why it matters: The revision identifies the function of social media more precisely.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: When a particular person is interested in purchasing a new phone, because they lost an old one or they desire a more modern one, then they can compare prices online, read customer reviews, and consult a variety of blogs and sites like Consumer Report, which is well known for its unbiased appraisals. Suggested revision: When a person wants to purchase a new phone because they have lost their old one or want a newer model, they can compare prices online, read customer reviews, and consult blogs and consumer-information sites. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the faulty 'when ... then' structure and streamlines the nested clauses.
- 11. Frame the concession Suggested revision: End the paragraph by explicitly marking the informational value of advertising as a limited exception to the main argument. Why it matters: A closing link would clarify how this example relates to the position developed in the next paragraph.
Suggested Rewrites
- as because
- the majority of advertisements most advertisements
- raise awareness among a potential audience raise awareness among potential customers
- commercials that play before videos commercials shown before videos
- an item or service that, based on advanced audience targeting, would appeal an item or service likely to appeal
- Since an individual has been targeted Because the advertisement targets a specific individual
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its sophisticated, coherent discussion of how consumers discover and evaluate products, supported by relevant contemporary examples. Its main limitation is a slight tension between acknowledging that advertising can introduce useful products and concluding that it is wholly unnecessary. The highest-priority improvement is to define the degree of agreement more precisely and ensure each paragraph consistently supports that qualified position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position and develops a relevant, nuanced argument with well-chosen examples.
Clarify the precise extent of agreement so the concession about advertising aligns fully with the final claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used smoothly and unobtrusively.
Strengthen the transition into the conclusion by explicitly linking the earlier concession to the final position.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural, including effective topic-specific language used with strong control.
Refine a few slightly broad formulations, such as the claim that research is objective, to maximise precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only rare minor slips that do not impede meaning.
Maintain the same control while tightening occasional heavily embedded sentences for even greater clarity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
If a product is good and meets customer needs, then people will buy it and advertising is unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.