The only way to cut the crime rate is building more prisons and make prison sentences longer. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
It is believed that the best way to reduce crime is by buildingadding more prisons and lengthening prison sentencesmaking the detention period longer. To a certain extentpoint, I would agree with the idea but it is not the only way, as there are Deleteother alternatives that the governmentthat government could implementdo to reduce the crime rate. On the one hand, some people believe that by building more prisons and imposing longer prison sentencesmaking a stricter detention period, it will be possible to reduce the amount of criminal activitythe number of crime activities. It is hoped that people will think twice before they commit crimesdo some criminal acts, as there are plenty of prison capacitya lot of available rooms in prisons, and they could be sentenced to such long termssentenced for such a long period. For example, if the government set new regulation whereas bank robbers will be punished for a thirty-five years period of detention, then it is expected that people who plan to do this will consider all the consequences for a number of times before they rob a bank. However, the government should recognizenotice that adding more prisons and setting a longer detention period is not the only way, as it should be integrated with other plans as well. In the common case, people do crimes because they have less skill, no money and unemployed, and as a consequence, they do some crimes for survival. BesidesBesides of the above-mentioned plan, the government should also provide skillsskill training for low skill residents, so that theytherefore they could enter the workforceworkplace and would not think about doing some crime activities. FurthermoreAnd then, the government should also provide job opportunities for ex-prisoners, as in the general case, many of them were not accepted by the public and consequently, they returned to crimereturned to the crime world again. In conclusion, to a certain extent, I agree that building more prisons and extending the sentence period would be a good plan for lowering the crime rate. But, it should also be combined with other plans such as providing skill course for the poor and create some works for ex-convicts, therefore the plan would run effectively.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay presents a clear qualified position, explaining the possible deterrent effect of longer sentences while developing relevant alternatives involving skills training and employment for former prisoners. Its main limitation is a single dense paragraph combined with frequent grammatical and collocational errors, and the deterrence example is overstated; the highest-priority improvement is to organise the argument into two body paragraphs and explain each policy through more precise cause-and-effect reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly addresses the absolute claim with a nuanced position and relevant alternatives, though some causes of crime and deterrence effects are overgeneralised.
Explain why imprisonment may deter some serious offences but why rehabilitation and employment are more effective for reducing reoffending in other cases.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from deterrence to prevention and rehabilitation is recognisable, but the entire essay is one paragraph and connectors are repetitive or mechanically used.
Create an introduction, one body paragraph on prison-based deterrence, one on social alternatives, and a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses sufficient crime-policy vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations such as "crime activities," "available rooms in prisons," and "crime world" reduce naturalness.
Use precise terms such as "criminal offences," "prison capacity," "vocational training," "recidivism," and "return to crime."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is attempted, but recurring errors in conditionals, articles, agreement, prepositions, and parallel forms affect many sentences.
Revise forms such as "if the government sets a new regulation," "people commit crimes because they lack skills," and "providing courses and creating jobs."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The only way to cut the crime rate is building more prisons and make prison sentences longer. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.