Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children. do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
I tend to agree that young children can be negatively affected by too much time spent on the computer every day. this is partly because sitting in front of a screen for too long can be damaging to both the eyes and the physical posture of a young child, regardless of what they are using the computer for.
However, the main concern is about the type of computer activities that attract children. these are often electronic games that tend to be very intense and rather violent. the player is usually the hero of the game and too much exposure can encourage children to be self-centered and intensive to others.
Even when children use a computer for another purpose such as getting information or i it is no substitute for human interaction. spending time with other children and sharing non-virtual experiences is an important part of a child’s development that cannot be provided by a computer.
In spite of this, the obvious benefits of computer skills for young children cannot be denied. their adult world will be changing constantly in terms of technology and the internet is the key to all knowledge and information available in the world today. therefore it is important that children learn at an early age to use the equipment enthusiastically and with confidence as they will need these skills throughout their studies and working lives.
In conclusion, the main point is to make sure that young children do not overuse computers. parents must ensure that their children learn to enjoy other kinds of activity and not simply sit at home, learning to live in a virtual world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Capitalize sentence start Original: this Suggested revision: This Why it matters: A new sentence must begin with a capital letter.
- 2. Use natural terms Original: the eyes and the physical posture Suggested revision: eyesight and posture Why it matters: These nouns express the two physical effects more naturally and concisely.
- 3. Make wording concise Original: what they are using the computer for Suggested revision: how they use the computer Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same meaning more directly.
- 4. Use natural verb Original: computer activities that attract children Suggested revision: computer activities that appeal to children Why it matters: Activities generally “appeal to” people rather than “attract” them in this context.
- 5. Capitalize sentence start Original: these Suggested revision: These Why it matters: The pronoun beginning the new sentence needs a capital letter.
- 6. Capitalize sentence start Original: spending Suggested revision: Spending Why it matters: The gerund beginning the new sentence needs a capital letter.
- 7. Capitalize sentence start Original: their Suggested revision: Their Why it matters: The possessive determiner beginning the new sentence needs a capital letter.
- 8. Make wording direct Original: changing constantly in terms of technology Suggested revision: changing constantly because of technology Why it matters: The replacement states the cause of change more clearly.
- 9. Capitalize proper noun Original: internet Suggested revision: Internet Why it matters: “Internet” is capitalized in the convention used throughout this response.
- 10. Capitalize sentence start Original: therefore Suggested revision: Therefore Why it matters: The transition beginning the new sentence needs a capital letter.
- 11. Choose suitable adverb Original: use the equipment enthusiastically Suggested revision: use computers effectively Why it matters: “Effectively” describes competent computer use, whereas enthusiasm is not the skill being discussed.
- 12. Mark the reason clause Original: with confidence as they Suggested revision: with confidence, as they Why it matters: The comma helps distinguish the explanatory clause from the preceding coordinated manner phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- this This
- the eyes and the physical posture eyesight and posture
- what they are using the computer for how they use the computer
- computer activities that attract children computer activities that appeal to children
- these These
- spending Spending
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear qualified agreement and organizes relevant negative effects and benefits into an easy-to-follow progression. Its main limitation is language control: repeated failures to capitalize sentence openings, one broken sentence, and occasional inaccurate word choice weaken an otherwise competent argument. The highest priority is careful proofreading for sentence boundaries and grammatical completeness while preserving the clear line of reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with a consistent position and develops several relevant effects, although some support remains general.
Explain more explicitly why the negative effects outweigh the acknowledged benefits, using one more specific consequence or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical sequence with clear paragraph purposes and appropriate transitions between drawbacks, benefits, and the conclusion.
Create a tighter link between the qualified position in the introduction and the final recommendation about limiting use.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic and usually communicates precisely, but occasional misuse and imprecise phrasing reduce control.
Check word choice carefully, especially confusing forms such as intensive for insensitive, and replace broad claims with more exact language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a useful range of complex sentences, but capitalization errors recur and one incomplete, corrupted sentence disrupts clarity.
Proofread every sentence opening and repair incomplete coordination so each clause is grammatically complete.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children. do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.