Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. what are the reasons for this behavior? what action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?
Sample Response
Nowadays, we are living in a society based on consuming. as a result, some people have problems in dealing with this budget and they get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford.
This kind of behavior is encountered quite often in our present days, mainly because of the possibility of buying goods in leasing. hence, people buy most of the goods using the credit card without having a clear idea on how much money they possess or they owe.
Also, another cause for this behavior could be psychological. the advertisement and the subliminal messages one encounters on a regular day in a big city has an enormous impact on one’s brain. the main problem is the lack of awareness of the serious effects that advertisement can have on people.
In order to prevent people from adopting this dangerous behavior, measures should be taken so as to raise awareness among people. also, one must learn how to manage his budget in order to get a balance between necessitating and pleasure. keeping a record on income and monthly spendings would be very helpful and would give to the consumer an overall image on how his budget should be spent.
In conclusion, the chances of becoming a victim of the consumer’s society are high nowadays due to the surrounding temptations but this problem could be easily avoided by being aware of these dangers and having a rational attitude when dealing with money.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct expression Original: a society based on consuming Suggested revision: a consumer society Why it matters: “Consumer society” is the standard term for a society centred on consumption.
- 2. Capitalize sentence start Original: as Suggested revision: As Why it matters: The first word after a full stop must begin with a capital letter.
- 3. Clarify budget phrase Original: problems in dealing with this budget Suggested revision: problems managing their budgets Why it matters: The original demonstrative has no clear singular referent, and “manage a budget” is the natural collocation.
- 4. Use natural time phrase Original: in our present days Suggested revision: nowadays Why it matters: “In our present days” is not an idiomatic English time expression.
- 5. Fix finance phrase Original: in leasing Suggested revision: on credit Why it matters: Goods are commonly described as being bought “on credit.”
- 6. Capitalize sentence start Original: hence Suggested revision: Hence Why it matters: A new sentence must start with a capital letter.
- 7. Generalize the noun Original: using the credit card Suggested revision: using credit cards Why it matters: The general statement requires a plural or generic form rather than one specific card.
- 8. Fix preposition Original: on Suggested revision: of Why it matters: The noun “idea” takes “of” before this embedded question.
- 9. Use parallel verbs Original: possess or they owe Suggested revision: own or owe Why it matters: The shorter verbs create a natural parallel contrast between assets and debts.
- 10. Use plural nouns Original: the advertisement and the subliminal messages Suggested revision: advertisements and subliminal messages Why it matters: Both nouns refer generally to repeated messages and should be plural.
- 11. Use natural phrase Original: on a regular day Suggested revision: in daily life Why it matters: “In daily life” expresses regular exposure more naturally.
- 12. Capitalize sentence start Original: the Suggested revision: The Why it matters: The first word after the full stop must be capitalized.
Suggested Rewrites
- a society based on consuming a consumer society
- as As
- problems in dealing with this budget problems managing their budgets
- in our present days nowadays
- in leasing on credit
- hence Hence
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in its clear organization of plausible financial and psychological causes followed by practical preventive actions. Its main limitation is that several ideas remain general, while frequent awkward word choices and grammatical or punctuation slips reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each proposed action more concretely and then edit carefully for natural collocations, sentence capitalization, agreement, and article use.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with relevant causes and actions, but development is limited and the response is slightly under length.
Explain how each preventive measure would change spending behaviour and include a concrete supporting example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear cause-to-solution progression with appropriate paragraphing, although linking is sometimes mechanical.
Use clearer internal progression within paragraphs rather than relying repeatedly on simple additive linkers.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate and includes some less common items, but recurrent collocational and word-form errors weaken precision.
Replace awkward expressions such as goods in leasing and monthly spendings with natural, context-appropriate wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but agreement, article, preposition, and capitalization errors occur regularly.
Proofread every sentence for capitalization and subject-verb agreement before checking articles and prepositions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. what are the reasons for this behavior? what action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.