Many city planners’ new designs include setting up schools, markets and commercial places (like offices) in different areas of the city rather than placing them in a place. Do you think it will help the city dwellers? If so, how?
Sample Response
Nowadays, city planners are exploring new designs that aim to decentralize services such as schools, markets, and commercial places, rather than locating them in one central area. This essay will argue that such decentralization will have several advantages for city dwellers.
Firstly, decentralizing services would help to reduce congestion in urban areas. When essential services are concentrated in one central location, it tends to attract a large number of people, which leads to overcrowding and traffic congestion. However, if schools, markets, and commercial places are located in different areas of the city, it would encourage people to disperse and reduce traffic congestion. This can lead to a less stressful commute for city dwellers.
Secondly, decentralization can lead to more efficient service delivery. In central areas, services such as schools and hospitals tend to be overwhelmed by the sheer number of people they need to serve. This can lead to long waiting times and overburdened staff. However, if services are spread out across different areas of the city, it can lead to more efficient service delivery, as service providers can focus on serving a smaller number of people. This can lead to better quality services and more satisfied city dwellers.
Thirdly, decentralizing services can lead to the development of new neighbourhoods and commercial areas. When essential services are concentrated in one central location, it tends to create a monopoly and discourage the development of new neighbourhoods and commercial areas. However, if services are spread out, it can encourage the development of new neighbourhoods and commercial areas, which can lead to more competition and lower prices for city dwellers.
In conclusion, decentralizing services in different areas of the city would have several advantages for city dwellers. It would help to reduce congestion, lead to more efficient service delivery, and encourage the development of new neighbourhoods and commercial areas. City planners should consider these advantages when designing new urban areas.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix unclear pronoun Original: it tends to attract Suggested revision: this concentration tends to attract Why it matters: The singular pronoun it does not clearly agree with or identify the preceding plural services.
- 2. Fix pronoun agreement Original: it would encourage people Suggested revision: this distribution would encourage people Why it matters: The singular pronoun it lacks a clear singular antecedent after the plural list.
- 3. Use direct phrasing Original: new designs that aim to Suggested revision: plans to Why it matters: The replacement is more direct and avoids an abstract use of designs.
- 4. Choose precise noun Original: commercial places Suggested revision: commercial facilities Why it matters: Facilities is more precise for offices and other planned urban services.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: one central area Suggested revision: a single central area Why it matters: A single is the more natural way to emphasize concentration in one location.
- 6. Use clear reference Original: such decentralization Suggested revision: this approach Why it matters: This reference avoids repeating the technical noun immediately.
- 7. Use concise sequence Original: Firstly Suggested revision: First Why it matters: First is a cleaner sequencing marker in formal prose.
- 8. Align modal choice Original: would help to reduce Suggested revision: could reduce Why it matters: Could keeps the projected effect appropriately conditional and concise.
- 9. Tighten result link Original: which leads to Suggested revision: leading to Why it matters: The participial phrase connects the consequence more concisely.
- 10. Vary repeated phrase Original: different areas of the city Suggested revision: various city districts Why it matters: The replacement avoids repeatedly using areas of the city.
- 11. Tighten cause chain Suggested revision: Present concentration, overcrowding, dispersal, and easier commuting as one clear sequence without repeating traffic congestion. Why it matters: A tighter causal progression would reduce repetition and improve flow.
- 12. Reduce circular progression Suggested revision: Avoid restating efficient service delivery at both the start and end of the paragraph; move directly from capacity pressure to the resulting improvement. Why it matters: This would make the paragraph develop rather than circle back to its opening claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- it tends to attract this concentration tends to attract
- it would encourage people this distribution would encourage people
- new designs that aim to plans to
- commercial places commercial facilities
- one central area a single central area
- such decentralization this approach
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its direct position and its orderly development of three relevant benefits, each supported by a clear causal explanation. The main limitation is a somewhat formulaic pattern of repeated wording and sentence openings, which reduces the sense of flexibility despite strong overall control. The highest-priority improvement is to vary the links between cause, effect, and example while making the third argument about competition more precisely reasoned.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response fully answers both questions through a clear affirmative position and three relevant, substantially developed benefits for residents.
Strengthen the final point by explaining more precisely how decentralisation would create competition and lower prices.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced and well paragraphed, although repeated structures such as 'This can lead to' make cohesion somewhat mechanical.
Use a wider range of referencing and logical links so that effects follow more naturally without recurring formulaic transitions.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is suitably academic and generally precise, but frequent repetition of 'services', 'areas', and 'lead to' limits flexibility.
Replace repeated core wording selectively with precise alternatives while preserving clarity and avoiding unnecessary synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex and conditional structures is handled with strong control, with only minor agreement and reference awkwardness.
Polish subject-pronoun agreement and maintain consistent conditional patterns in sentences describing hypothetical planning outcomes.
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