Fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basis. What are the reasons and how to encourage them to spend their time walking?
Sample Response
Nowadays, many people say that they are walking less on a regular basis compared to the past which, in the long run, might affect their health. The essay will analyze the situation pointing at the reasons for this and proposing a few suggestions to help curb this issue.
The major part of the population is choosing to walk less because of the two main factors. Firstly, the benefits of the modern advancements have made it easier for individuals to commute as compared to the past. Due to this, they prefer to utilize them rather than taking a stroll to reach their destination. For example, in residential buildings, most individuals prefer to use elevators instead of stairs, which leads to a reduction in their daily physical activity. Therefore, their overall fitness declines significantly, and it eventually results in a surge in their reliance on technology. Secondly, the younger generation spends a conspicuous amount of time on digital devices. They engage themselves in several activities and platforms such as Facebook or Instagram which might seem highly attractive but they are also time consuming. Therefore, walking has become less of a choice than sitting in front of a computer monitor or involving in sedentary activity.
However, a variety of measures can be taken to tackle this problem. The first and foremost measure is the rules to be imposed on the usage of elevators in buildings. This can include specifying using them for floors higher than four storeys or if the residents are elderly or disabled. By including the formal pronouncement, residents would then resort to stairs more often which will make them become more physically active. In addition to that, local authorities should also construct more green spaces with walking paths and inviting parks where people can walk with their kids, young people and enjoy nature. Thus, young individuals would prefer to leave their gadgets while making walking a more frequent activity.
In conclusion, technological advancements along with the increased amount of time spent on digital devices are the main reasons for the reduction in daily walking. On the contrary, measures such as the prohibition of elevator use and investment in pedestrian infrastructure must be considered to persuade individuals to make walking a part of their daily schedules leading to an improvement in health.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Make the comparison concise Original: walking less on a regular basis compared to the past Suggested revision: walking less regularly than in the past Why it matters: The revision expresses the frequency comparison more directly and naturally.
- 2. Use the right collocation Original: pointing at the reasons Suggested revision: identifying the reasons Why it matters: An essay identifies or examines reasons rather than “pointing at” them.
- 3. Use natural quantification Original: The major part of the population Suggested revision: Most of the population Why it matters: “Most of the population” is the idiomatic way to refer to the majority of people.
- 4. Remove the extra article Original: because of the two main factors Suggested revision: because of two main factors Why it matters: The factors are introduced for the first time, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 5. Simplify the noun phrase Original: the benefits of the modern advancements Suggested revision: modern advances Why it matters: “Modern advances” directly names the developments that have made commuting easier.
- 6. Use a direct comparison Original: as compared to the past Suggested revision: than in the past Why it matters: A comparative adjective is followed naturally by “than in the past.”
- 7. Clarify the pronoun Original: utilize them Suggested revision: use these transport options Why it matters: The original pronoun could refer vaguely to benefits or advances rather than means of transport.
- 8. Choose precise wording Original: taking a stroll to reach their destination Suggested revision: walking to their destination Why it matters: A “stroll” is leisurely, whereas the sentence refers to walking as a means of transport.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: conspicuous Suggested revision: considerable Why it matters: “Considerable” describes a large quantity of time, while “conspicuous” means easily noticed.
- 10. Fix the verb pattern Original: engage themselves in several activities and platforms Suggested revision: engage in activities on several platforms Why it matters: People engage in activities, while those activities occur on platforms.
- 11. Clarify the comparison Original: less of a choice than Suggested revision: less appealing than Why it matters: The sentence compares the attractiveness of walking with sedentary alternatives, so “less appealing” is precise.
- 12. Correct the verb form Original: involving in sedentary activity Suggested revision: engaging in sedentary activities Why it matters: “Involve” would require a reflexive object here, while “engage in” fits the intended parallel structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- walking less on a regular basis compared to the past walking less regularly than in the past
- pointing at the reasons identifying the reasons
- The major part of the population Most of the population
- because of the two main factors because of two main factors
- the benefits of the modern advancements modern advances
- as compared to the past than in the past
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response answers both questions in a clearly organised structure and supports its reasons and solutions with concrete examples. However, some causal links are unconvincing, several proposed details are awkwardly expressed, and grammatical errors recur; the highest-priority improvement is to develop each measure with more realistic reasoning while revising article use, sentence construction, and collocations for greater precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay covers relevant reasons and encouragement measures, although some explanations and solutions are not fully convincing.
Explain more clearly why each proposed measure would change walking habits and avoid unsupported causal claims about technology reliance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are grouped logically and the response has clear overall progression, despite some mechanical or inaccurate linking.
Use transitions according to their precise logical function and strengthen the connection between examples and the point they support.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows useful range, but recurring awkward collocations and vague references reduce precision.
Choose natural expressions for technology use and policy measures, and ensure pronouns such as them have an unmistakable referent.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, though article, clause, and word-form errors recur.
Revise malformed constructions such as specifying using them and make them become, then check articles and sentence boundaries.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basis. What are the reasons and how to encourage them to spend their time walking?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.