Walking is known to be beneficial for health, yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this issue?
Sample Response
In contemporary society, the paradox of declining walking habits despite the widely recognized health benefits of this activity has become a pressing concern. This essay will explore the reasons behind the decreasing trend in walking and propose viable strategies to address this issue.
There are several factors contributing to the diminishing practice of walking. Firstly, the rapid urbanization and modernization of cities have led to the proliferation of motor vehicles and the establishment of sedentary lifestyles. As a result, walking has been overshadowed by the convenience and speed of motorized transportation. For example, in most metropolitan areas, the prevalence of motor vehicles and sedentary habits has diminished the practice of walking among the population as much as 75% on the last two decades alone.
Secondly, the increasing reliance on technology and digital devices has captivated people's attention, discouraging outdoor activities like walking. The allure of smartphones and online entertainment has contributed to a more sedentary lifestyle among individuals, depriving them of the physical benefits of walking. For instance, many individuals spend a significant amount of their leisure time engrossed in smartphones and digital entertainment, which detracts from their inclination to engage in physical activities like walking.
To tackle this issue, various measures can be implemented. Firstly, city planners should prioritize the development of pedestrian-friendly infrastructure, including well-designed sidewalks, pedestrian bridges, and green spaces, to encourage people to walk as part of their daily routines. For example, the city of Copenhagen in Denmark has successfully implemented a pedestrian-focused urban planning approach. This initiative has significantly increased the number of people walking and cycling, leading to improved public health.
Furthermore, government and local authorities can launch public awareness campaigns to promote the health benefits of walking and raise awareness of the detrimental effects of a sedentary lifestyle. Investing in education about the importance of physical activity can have a profound impact on changing people's attitudes towards walking.
In conclusion, while the decline in walking habits is influenced by factors such as urbanization and technological advancements, it is essential to implement proactive strategies to promote walking as a healthy lifestyle choice.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural phrase Original: declining walking habits Suggested revision: declining rates of walking Why it matters: The revision describes the measurable trend more naturally than 'walking habits'.
- 2. Improve the collocation Original: diminishing practice of walking Suggested revision: decline in walking Why it matters: 'Decline in walking' is a more natural description of the behaviour becoming less common.
- 3. Add the change preposition Original: among the population as much as 75% Suggested revision: among the population by as much as 75% Why it matters: A percentage expressing the amount of a decrease requires the preposition 'by'.
- 4. Use the time preposition Original: on Suggested revision: over Why it matters: 'Over' is the appropriate preposition for a change occurring throughout a period.
- 5. Avoid an overstated verb Original: captivated Suggested revision: occupied Why it matters: 'Occupied' fits the idea of devices consuming attention without the positive connotations of 'captivated'.
- 6. Fix the collocation Original: engrossed in smartphones Suggested revision: engrossed in content on their smartphones Why it matters: People can be engrossed in content or an activity, rather than in the device itself.
- 7. Use a direct verb Original: detracts from their inclination Suggested revision: reduces their inclination Why it matters: The direct verb forms a more natural collocation with 'inclination'.
- 8. Improve the collocation Original: implemented a pedestrian-focused urban planning approach Suggested revision: adopted a pedestrian-focused approach to urban planning Why it matters: An approach is normally 'adopted', and 'approach to' gives the correct construction.
- 9. Match the plural reference Original: government Suggested revision: governments Why it matters: The general statement needs the plural 'governments' to match 'local authorities'.
- 10. Avoid repeated wording Original: raise awareness of the detrimental effects Suggested revision: highlight the detrimental effects Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating 'awareness' twice in the same sentence.
- 11. Fix the noun pattern Original: a profound impact on changing people's attitudes Suggested revision: a profound impact on people's attitudes Why it matters: 'Impact on' should be followed directly by the affected noun phrase here.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: As a result, walking has been overshadowed by the convenience and speed of motorized transportation. Suggested revision: As a result, people increasingly choose motorized transportation for its convenience and speed instead of walking. Why it matters: The rewrite states the comparison directly and makes the people's choice clear.
Suggested Rewrites
- declining walking habits declining rates of walking
- diminishing practice of walking decline in walking
- among the population as much as 75% among the population by as much as 75%
- on over
- captivated occupied
- engrossed in smartphones engrossed in content on their smartphones
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers both questions fully, using a clear progression from well-explained causes to practical solutions and supporting examples. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision or awkwardness in otherwise varied language, including an implausibly exact statistic and a few unnatural expressions. The highest-priority improvement is to use more precise, credible support and refine collocations while preserving the strong organisation and development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay fully addresses the causes and solutions, developing each main point with relevant explanation and examples.
Replace the unsupported percentage with a credible illustration or a carefully qualified example that strengthens the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The cause-to-solution structure is easy to follow, and paragraphs and cohesive devices support clear progression.
Vary the paragraph openings and reduce formulaic sequencing words to make the progression feel even more natural.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and appropriately academic, though a few collocations and repeated expressions are not fully precise.
Use more natural combinations for declining walking rates and avoid repeating sedentary lifestyle when a precise alternative fits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are frequent and mostly accurate, with a few local errors that do not impede communication.
Proofread comparative data phrases and prepositions, particularly constructions such as by a percentage over a period.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Walking is known to be beneficial for health, yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this issue?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.