In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think it is happening? How to solve this issue?
Sample Response
That there has been a devastating decline of the number of animals and plants the world over has become an alarming fact. Although there are many reasons for this phenomenon, there are also feasible solutions.
There are two reasons behind this decline. The first of which is deforestation. Nowadays, deforestation is an alarming problem throughout the world. Trees are cut down to clear space for cow grazing, farming, and wood harvesting. This leads to a direct loss of natural habitat for wildlife and exposes flora and fauna to the risk of extinction. According to recent estimates of the World Animal Foundation, around 137 species of flora and fauna are lost to deforestation per day. Another reason worth mentioning is climate change. Due to the greenhouse effect, the world’s temperature has been rising non-stop, which culminates in the increasing frequency of wildfires that are life threatening to both plants and animals. For instance, in 2020, Brazil’s wildfires wiped out an estimated number of 17 million animals.
While this phenomenon is catastrophic, there are a number of feasible solutions to tackle this problem. First, governments should implement stricter policies regarding commercial logging. Heavier fines should be levied on illegal loggers and forest ranger forces should have more reinforcements. Such tough measures will discourage illegal timber harvesting operations to a degree. Another solution is to encourage large companies to cut down on their carbon footprint. Corporations the world over can switch to eco-friendly energy sources and materials. For example, LEGO is currently building a carbon neutral plant in Binh Duong Province in Vietnam in an effort to minimize its carbon emissions.
In conclusion, the increasing disappearance of wildlife and plants can be attributed to climate change and deforestation. However, this problem can be addressed by enforcing stricter laws and regulations on deforestation and encouraging companies to minimize their carbon footprint.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: decline of the number of animals and plants Suggested revision: decline in the numbers of animals and plants Why it matters: The noun ‘decline’ takes ‘in’ when referring to a reduction in a population.
- 2. Use formal phrasing Original: Corporations the world over Suggested revision: Corporations worldwide Why it matters: ‘Worldwide’ is more concise and appropriately formal in this context.
- 3. Choose precise term Original: cow Suggested revision: cattle Why it matters: ‘Cattle grazing’ is the conventional term for this agricultural activity.
- 4. Correct source preposition Original: of Suggested revision: from Why it matters: Use ‘from’ to identify the organisation that produced the estimates.
- 5. Clarify the outcome Original: are lost to deforestation Suggested revision: become extinct because of deforestation Why it matters: The revision states the claimed consequence more directly than the vague verb ‘lost’.
- 6. Use academic register Original: rising non-stop Suggested revision: rising continuously Why it matters: ‘Continuously’ is more suitable than the informal expression ‘non-stop’ in an academic essay.
- 7. Express consequence accurately Original: which culminates in Suggested revision: which has resulted in Why it matters: ‘Culminates in’ is unsuitable for describing this ongoing cause-and-effect relationship.
- 8. Remove wordiness Original: an estimated number of 17 million animals Suggested revision: an estimated 17 million animals Why it matters: The shorter form expresses the estimate clearly without the redundant phrase ‘number of’.
- 9. Use natural wording Original: forest ranger forces should have more reinforcements Suggested revision: forest ranger units should receive more resources Why it matters: ‘Have more reinforcements’ is an unnatural way to describe strengthening ranger capacity.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: The first of which is deforestation. Suggested revision: The first is deforestation. Why it matters: The original is a sentence fragment because ‘of which’ requires an independent clause before it.
Suggested Rewrites
- decline of the number of animals and plants decline in the numbers of animals and plants
- Corporations the world over Corporations worldwide
- cow cattle
- of from
- are lost to deforestation become extinct because of deforestation
- rising non-stop rising continuously
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers both parts directly, with clearly developed causes and practical solutions supported by specific examples, and its strongest feature is the consistent relevance of each main paragraph. Its main limitation is occasional awkward or imprecise phrasing alongside one sentence fragment. The highest-priority improvement is to refine collocations and proofread sentence boundaries so the otherwise confident, well-controlled argument reads more naturally throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the causes and solutions are addressed directly, developed with clear explanations, and supported by relevant examples.
Strengthen the response further by explaining more explicitly how the proposed corporate measures would reduce the specific pressures on wildlife and plants.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from causes to solutions, with clear paragraphing and generally unobtrusive cohesive devices.
Use slightly less formulaic transitions between supporting points to make the progression feel even more natural.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of topic-specific vocabulary conveys ideas precisely, though a few collocations such as the wording about ranger reinforcements sound awkward.
Prioritize natural collocations by replacing awkward combinations with established phrases such as increasing the number of forest rangers.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used accurately and flexibly throughout, with only rare lapses such as the fragment beginning The first of which.
Proofread sentence boundaries so dependent relative structures are attached to a complete main clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think it is happening? How to solve this issue?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.