It is observed in many countries that less and less people nowadays go to the cinema to watch movies. What could be the possible cause and solution of this?
Sample Response
Many countries have recently observed that there is a declining trend in the number of people watch movies in the cinema. This essay will discuss possible reasons for the declination of movie viewers as well as some solutions to address this issue.
In the era of globalisation, people are more interested in spending their leisure time at home rather than hanging around especially catching a movie in the cinema. It could be a factor that contributed to the matter. Effect of busy and tight schedule of working days, people are more interested in relaxing their mind and muscle at home while watching a television program or doing something which is very meaningful for them. For instance, the television programmes are definitely enough for them to watch and enjoy while staying at home nowadays. There are a lot of channels including music, movies, documentaries, home box office, comedian shows, news show and others which can make people think twice before going to the cinema.
Easy access to online movies is another reason people visit cinema less frequently. It is natural that people would prefer to watch the latest movie on their plasma screen 3D TV at home rather than spending money to buy cinema tickets. Online movies and piracy have negative effects on the number of cinema viewers nowadays. Finally, low quality of locally made movies is another factor that discourages people in visiting cinema halls.
In order to tackle this issue, film authorities and the government need to be involved and take further actions, so that our film industry does not face the extinction phase. The first and foremost thing is the director should produce a fresh and high quality of story line which can give more benefits and eventually able to attract people to watch films in the cinema. Next, the cinema organiser or company can make an effort to advertise the film widely and give a promotion day for the people. For example, establishing a special day with the special low rate of movie tickets might attract more people to go the cinema.
Piracy should be prevented and better cinema halls should be built to attract people to watch movies in the cinema. Lastly, the government perhaps can invest some money for improving their film quality to the international level and consequently can increase the confidence level of people toward the locally made films.
In conclusion, the number of people who go to the cinema is declining nowadays and that might be due to easy access to the cinema at home, satellite TV channels, piracy and low-quality local films. This problem could be addressed through different ways such as producing good and quality films locally, offering a low rate for tickets, preventing piracy and encouraging people to watch movies in cinema by wide range advertisement. The government also can make some investments for the film as to increase the film quality to the international level.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the relative pronoun Original: number of people watch movies Suggested revision: number of people who watch movies Why it matters: A relative pronoun is required to connect people with the verb watch.
- 2. Use the correct noun Original: declination of movie viewers Suggested revision: decline in cinema audiences Why it matters: Decline in is the natural expression for a reduction in audience numbers.
- 3. Clarify the contrast Original: hanging around especially catching Suggested revision: going out, especially to catch Why it matters: The replacement expresses the intended contrast between staying home and going out to see a film.
- 4. Match the present context Original: a factor that contributed Suggested revision: a factor that contributes Why it matters: The surrounding discussion describes a current trend, so the present tense is required.
- 5. Choose the programme type Original: comedian shows Suggested revision: comedy shows Why it matters: Comedy, not comedian, is the noun used to classify this type of programme.
- 6. Match the list form Original: news show Suggested revision: news shows Why it matters: The plural form maintains agreement with the other plural programme categories in the list.
- 7. Add the article Original: people visit cinema Suggested revision: people visit the cinema Why it matters: Cinema requires the definite article in this general activity expression.
- 8. Form the noun phrase Original: low quality of locally made movies Suggested revision: the low quality of locally made films Why it matters: The noun phrase needs an article and is more naturally expressed with films in this context.
- 9. Correct the preposition Original: discourages people in visiting Suggested revision: discourages people from visiting Why it matters: Discourage takes from before a gerund.
- 10. Use uncountable action Original: take further actions Suggested revision: take further action Why it matters: Action is normally uncountable in the fixed expression take action.
- 11. Correct the expression Original: face the extinction phase Suggested revision: face extinction Why it matters: Face extinction is the established concise expression for this risk.
- 12. Use natural promotion wording Original: give a promotion day for the people Suggested revision: offer the public a promotional day Why it matters: Offer and promotional form a natural expression for this proposed cinema initiative.
Suggested Rewrites
- number of people watch movies number of people who watch movies
- declination of movie viewers decline in cinema audiences
- hanging around especially catching going out, especially to catch
- a factor that contributed a factor that contributes
- comedian shows comedy shows
- news show news shows
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay covers several plausible causes and matching solutions, and its organisation makes the overall argument easy to follow. However, development is sometimes repetitive or general, and frequent awkward word choices and sentence constructions reduce precision despite the clear message. Prioritising two or three cause-solution links, then expressing each in more natural and grammatically complete sentences, would produce a more controlled response.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both causes and solutions with a range of relevant ideas and some supporting explanation.
Develop fewer solutions more precisely by showing how each one directly counters a stated cause.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced and appropriately paragraphed, though some points and the conclusion repeat earlier material.
Condense repeated ideas and use each body paragraph to present one clearly connected cause-solution group.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and occasionally varied, but frequent unnatural collocations and word-form choices limit precision.
Use natural alternatives for phrases such as declination of movie viewers, extinction phase, and special low rate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring errors with articles, sentence formation, agreement, and prepositions are noticeable.
Revise incomplete or loosely constructed sentences so every clause has a clear subject, verb, and grammatical connection.