The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for the poor in undeveloped countries but also for industrialised and developing nations. Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution.
Sample Response
Today’s world faces an immense explosion of population. In most countries, the population has been increased alarmingly. Increased population is a serious problem not only in poor or developing countries but also in developed countries. Our resources are limited. So overpopulation can cause problems like starvation, unemployment, etc.
In poor countries where the economy is not strong enough to feed all the people, overpopulation causes starvation. More land is required to provide accommodation to the people. Thus the land available for farming is used for accommodation purpose. Generally, in poor countries, technological development is less. Due to less land available for farming, starvation comes often in this type of countries. The government is not capable enough that can provide a quality education to all the children. Thus it leads to unemployment.
In developing and rich countries where most of the cities have become crowded, the government faces a great challenge of providing good public services. Health services have become very poor, especially in developing countries due to overpopulation. Water, electricity and other resources are limited available. The crime rate is increasing due to unemployment. Land available in big cities is very expensive. Common or middle-class people are not capable of buying houses.
There can be two possible solutions for the problem of overpopulation. The government must provide education to the people to limit the size of the family. Women, who are pregnant and do not want to give birth, should be allowed to have an abortion. The government can form some revolutionary rule like ‘one child’ policy. People having more than one child should be punished by not providing public services.
As a conclusion, I will say overpopulation is a serious issue and must need great attention to overcome.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural phrase Original: immense explosion of population Suggested revision: dramatic population growth Why it matters: The original phrase is overdramatic and less natural.
- 2. Verb form Original: the population has been increased Suggested revision: the population has increased Why it matters: Use the active form for population growth.
- 3. Natural phrase Original: accommodation purpose Suggested revision: housing purposes Why it matters: This is the natural phrase for land used for homes.
- 4. Plural agreement Original: this type of countries Suggested revision: these types of countries Why it matters: The determiner and noun need plural forms.
- 5. Correct structure Original: capable enough that can provide Suggested revision: capable enough to provide Why it matters: Use “to” after “capable enough.”
- 6. Fix structure Original: limited available Suggested revision: available in limited quantities Why it matters: The adjective order and structure are incorrect.
- 7. Word choice Original: Common or middle-class people Suggested revision: Ordinary or middle-class people Why it matters: “Ordinary” is more natural than “common” for people here.
- 8. Relative clause Original: Women, who are pregnant Suggested revision: Women who are pregnant Why it matters: Do not use commas when the relative clause defines the group.
- 9. Academic wording Original: form some revolutionary rule Suggested revision: introduce a strict policy Why it matters: This is more natural and precise.
- 10. Concise ending Original: must need great attention Suggested revision: needs urgent attention Why it matters: “Must need” is redundant and ungrammatical.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: In most countries, the population has been increased alarmingly. Suggested revision: In most countries, the population has increased alarmingly. Why it matters: The active verb form is correct here.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: So overpopulation can cause problems like starvation, unemployment, etc. Suggested revision: Therefore, overpopulation can cause serious problems such as starvation and unemployment. Why it matters: This is more formal and avoids “etc.”
Suggested Rewrites
- immense explosion of population dramatic population growth
- the population has been increased the population has increased
- accommodation purpose housing purposes
- this type of countries these types of countries
- capable enough that can provide capable enough to provide
- limited available available in limited quantities
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses problems in poor, developing, and rich countries and offers solutions. Ideas are relevant, but some are listed briefly and one proposed punishment is extreme and insufficiently justified.
Develop two major problems and two realistic solutions with explanation of how each would reduce population pressure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and the essay progresses from problems to solutions. Cohesion is generally adequate, although some paragraphs rely on short repeated statements rather than developed links.
Use topic sentences that identify the main problem in each paragraph and link each example back to overpopulation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is appropriate for population, resources, and public services, but there are several unnatural collocations and imprecise phrases.
Use phrases such as “population has increased,” “land for housing,” “limited resources,” and “family planning education.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is understandable but includes repeated errors in passive forms, relative clauses, articles, and adjective placement.
Practise sentence patterns for cause and result, especially “Overpopulation leads to...” and “Governments should...”