In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Sample Response
Nowadays, schools in various parts of the world report that students tend to have behavioural problems. Unfortunately, this will make it harder for schools to educate students as problematic behaviours are likely to interfere with the education process. There are some reasons as to why students behave inappropriately. Firstly, the way society works these days affect students’ behavioural patterns. For instance, parents might spend more time at work than at home and as a result, children lack parental guidance, not knowing how they are supposed to behave. This, in turn, is likely to cause them to have behavioural problems. Secondly, such behaviours might be caused by external influences, such as internet and television. Students, for example, might watch TV shows that use a lot of violence. Therefore, they are likely to imitate in real life by being more aggressive and using more violence. After all, students, especially teenagers, are easily affected by external parties. In order to counter such problem, teachers should be friendly while still maintaining their professionalism. By being friendly, teachers might be able to understand students’ point of views and thus devise the right strategies to connect with them. This is because students are more likely to listen to teachers if they feel they can relate to the teachers and that the teachers understand them. Furthermore, it is also important to handle students patiently. This is really crucial since rough treatments might worsen their behaviours or encourage them to play truant. It is, therefore, wiser to be patient and guide students gradually to be well-behaved rather than using force to do so. In conclusion, behavioural problems result from the way society works these days (e.g. lack of parental guidance) and external parties, such as bad influences from TV shows. Nevertheless, by understanding students’ views and guiding them patiently, students can gradually change and behave in a more appropriate manner.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Agreement Original: the way society works these days affect Suggested revision: the way society works these days affects Why it matters: The singular subject “way” needs a singular verb.
- 2. Natural phrasing Original: such behaviours might be caused by external influences, such as internet and television Suggested revision: such behaviour might be caused by external influences such as the internet and television Why it matters: Use “the internet” and avoid the unnecessary comma.
- 3. Add object Original: they are likely to imitate in real life Suggested revision: they are likely to imitate this in real life Why it matters: The verb “imitate” needs an object.
- 4. Natural wording Original: external parties Suggested revision: outside influences Why it matters: This is more natural for media and social pressure.
- 5. Add article Original: counter such problem Suggested revision: counter such a problem Why it matters: A singular countable noun needs an article.
- 6. Plural phrase Original: students’ point of views Suggested revision: students’ points of view Why it matters: Use the plural form in this expression.
- 7. Academic wording Original: the right strategies to connect with them Suggested revision: appropriate strategies for connecting with them Why it matters: This is more formal and precise.
- 8. Uncountable noun Original: rough treatments Suggested revision: rough treatment Why it matters: “Treatment” is uncountable in this context.
- 9. Precise wording Original: external parties, such as bad influences from TV shows Suggested revision: external influences, such as violent TV shows Why it matters: This is more concise and avoids repeating “influences.”
- 10. Concise expression Original: behave in a more appropriate manner Suggested revision: behave more appropriately Why it matters: This is more concise.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Firstly, the way society works these days affect students’ behavioural patterns. Suggested revision: Firstly, the way society works these days affects students’ behavioural patterns. Why it matters: This fixes the subject-verb agreement error.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Students, for example, might watch TV shows that use a lot of violence. Suggested revision: For example, students might watch TV shows that contain a lot of violence. Why it matters: TV shows do not “use” violence; they contain or show it.
Suggested Rewrites
- the way society works these days affect the way society works these days affects
- such behaviours might be caused by external influences, such as internet and television such behaviour might be caused by external influences such as the internet and television
- they are likely to imitate in real life they are likely to imitate this in real life
- external parties outside influences
- counter such problem counter such a problem
- students’ point of views students’ points of view
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay answers both causes and solutions well, with relevant discussion of parental guidance, media influence, teacher relationships, and patient guidance. The response is strong, though the solutions focus mainly on teachers and could include parents or schools as institutions.
Add one solution involving parents or school policy so the response matches the causes more completely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The progression is clear, but the whole essay appears as one paragraph, which reduces readability. Linking between causes and solutions is otherwise generally effective.
Use paragraph breaks for introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and mostly natural, with useful phrases such as behavioural problems, parental guidance, external influences, and play truant. A few collocations and plural forms are inaccurate.
Refine collocations such as “affect behavioural patterns,” “students’ points of view,” “rough treatment,” and “counter this problem.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally controlled, with several complex structures. Minor agreement, article, and pronoun-reference errors remain but rarely block meaning.
Check subject-verb agreement after long subjects and use plural possessives accurately.