Young drug abuse is a serious problem nowadays in many countries. What are the reasons for this and what can be done to control it?
Sample Response
Today, juveniles consume more illegal drugs than in the past. They have a better access to more variety of opioid or non-opioid materials and use them far more remarkably. From my point of view, two important reasons have made this problem, and several practical implementations must be considered by governments to tackle it.
To begin with, one leading reason why youth use more illicit drugs is that these materials have become more accessible than before. Obviously, drug dealers have expanded their territories in many countries, like Columbia in the South America or Afghanistan in Asia, and their control has become far more challenging than in the past. To address this problem, the best option is consideration of more severe charges for those selling these dreadful products. In this case, in some countries, leaders of this system are charged with lifetime probation, or even in other countries, including Iran, they may face capital punishment. Therefore, these severe penalties can partly be helpful to control the expansion of illegal drugs’ industries, and young generation will be less exposed to these perilous substances.
Another factor is accessing of the public to more different types of these substances. Admittedly, advancement of technology has led more synthetic goods are generated and cheaper artificial drugs are to be produced. For instance, Crack, which is a synthetic form of Heroin, is more available to the public than the other former natural opioid, leading adolescents or teens are able to pay better for it. Had not this non-natural material become so available, fewer people would have been addicted. To solve this, one important step is increasing the budget of healthcare. Definitely, many users do not have thorough information about the devastating side effects of these drugs while having a better control on this age group, healthcare staff will be able to recognise better those individuals consuming these drugs and inform them how they can avoid using them.
In conclusion, now youth have access to more illicit drugs than before. Propagation of dealers’ function and variation of these materials are two important reasons behind it. I think consideration of more severe law enforcement and having a better consultation of young people are two phenomenal actions to address it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article error Original: a better access Suggested revision: better access Why it matters: Access is uncountable here and does not take a.
- 2. Noun phrase Original: more variety of opioid or non-opioid materials Suggested revision: a wider variety of opioid and non-opioid substances Why it matters: This is more grammatical and precise.
- 3. Wrong adverb Original: far more remarkably Suggested revision: far more frequently Why it matters: Frequently describes how often young people use drugs.
- 4. Natural phrase Original: have made this problem Suggested revision: have caused this problem Why it matters: Cause a problem is the correct collocation.
- 5. Word choice Original: practical implementations Suggested revision: practical measures Why it matters: Measures is the natural word for actions to solve a problem.
- 6. Precise noun Original: these materials Suggested revision: these substances Why it matters: Substances is more appropriate for drugs.
- 7. Place name Original: like Columbia in the South America Suggested revision: such as Colombia in South America Why it matters: Use Colombia for the country and omit the before South America.
- 8. Natural collocation Original: consideration of more severe charges Suggested revision: the introduction of harsher penalties Why it matters: This is the standard legal phrase.
- 9. Legal term Original: lifetime probation Suggested revision: life imprisonment Why it matters: Probation is not the intended severe punishment.
- 10. Noun phrase Original: illegal drugs’ industries Suggested revision: the illegal drug trade Why it matters: This is the natural phrase.
- 11. Gerund error Original: Another factor is accessing of the public Suggested revision: Another factor is public access Why it matters: Use a noun phrase, not accessing of.
- 12. Clause structure Original: has led more synthetic goods are generated Suggested revision: has led to the production of more synthetic drugs Why it matters: Lead to should be followed by a noun phrase or gerund.
Suggested Rewrites
- a better access better access
- more variety of opioid or non-opioid materials a wider variety of opioid and non-opioid substances
- far more remarkably far more frequently
- have made this problem have caused this problem
- practical implementations practical measures
- these materials these substances
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay answers both parts by identifying accessibility and synthetic drugs as reasons and suggesting penalties and healthcare responses. Some ideas are relevant but narrow, and the healthcare solution needs clearer explanation.
Add social causes such as peer pressure or family problems, and explain prevention measures alongside punishment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is clear, with each body paragraph pairing a cause and a solution. However, some sentences are long and the second cause overlaps with the first.
Use clearer topic sentences and separate cause, example, and solution within each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, including illicit drugs, synthetic goods, devastating side effects, and healthcare staff. Some word choices are inaccurate or too technical for the intended meaning.
Use natural collocations such as access to drugs, harsher penalties, synthetic drugs, public awareness, and treatment services.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but grammar errors with articles, gerunds, passive forms, and complex clauses are frequent.
Simplify long sentences and check verb patterns after lead to, access, and consider.