In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
Sample Response
In the modern world, the expected life of an individual is gradually increasing. Many people think that the trend is a positive development, but it has caused some problems for many countries. The following essay will discuss the effect of this positive trend, and some of the ways that could be considered in addressing the problem. It is a fact that average life expectancy of a single person has increased these days, due to the global improvement in the sector of economic, social politic, education and public health. Despite this positive development, the ageing population has caused some issues for governments. Firstly, as the number of senior people increase, the budget that governments must provide for the retirement fund and medical care automatically rise. Secondly, the growing number of senior people will be aligned with density problems. As the population of old people grow, the demand for the housing rise and consequently increase the price of properties, which would be a problem for the young people. However, there are some steps that governments could consider to resolve the issue. One of the ways is that governments could extend retirement age standard. Many countries are having the standard pension age at the age of 55 years old, and they could extend the age into 60 or 65 years since their senior people are still in a healthy and prime condition. Therefore it would reduce governments’ social welfare budget for the retired people. Besides that, governments could also provide a subsidy for the young people when they plan to buy a house. In conclusion, the world is developing rapidly in the last few years, and it has positively impacted on the average life expectancy. However, this positive trend has caused some problems for individuals and communities, therefore it is necessary for governments to take some actions in solving the issue.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Wrong term Original: the expected life Suggested revision: life expectancy Why it matters: Use the standard term from the task.
- 2. Plural needed Original: the effect of this positive trend Suggested revision: the effects of this trend Why it matters: The essay discusses more than one effect.
- 3. Unnatural list Original: sector of economic, social politic, education and public health Suggested revision: economic development, social policy, education, and public health Why it matters: Use clear parallel noun forms.
- 4. Agreement error Original: senior people increase Suggested revision: senior people increases Why it matters: The subject is “number”.
- 5. Agreement error Original: automatically rise Suggested revision: automatically rises Why it matters: The verb refers to “the budget”.
- 6. Policy term Original: retirement fund Suggested revision: pension fund Why it matters: This is more natural here.
- 7. Unclear link Original: will be aligned with density problems Suggested revision: may create population-density problems Why it matters: The original phrase is vague.
- 8. Agreement error Original: old people grow Suggested revision: older people grows Why it matters: The subject is “population”.
- 9. Agreement and article Original: demand for the housing rise Suggested revision: demand for housing rises Why it matters: Remove the article and use singular agreement.
- 10. Natural phrase Original: retirement age standard Suggested revision: standard retirement age Why it matters: Use the conventional word order.
- 11. Preposition error Original: extend the age into 60 or 65 years Suggested revision: raise the age to 60 or 65 Why it matters: Use “raise to” for thresholds.
- 12. Comma splice Original: therefore it is necessary Suggested revision: ; therefore, it is necessary Why it matters: Use a semicolon or new sentence before “therefore”.
Suggested Rewrites
- the expected life life expectancy
- the effect of this positive trend the effects of this trend
- sector of economic, social politic, education and public health economic development, social policy, education, and public health
- senior people increase senior people increases
- automatically rise automatically rises
- retirement fund pension fund
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses problems and measures with relevant points about pensions, healthcare, retirement age, and housing, though some effects need stronger explanation.
Match each measure directly to the problem it reduces and include both individual and social impacts.
Coherence and Cohesion
The order is logical, but the essay is written as one long paragraph, which weakens readability.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, problems, solutions, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is suitable for ageing and policy, but some collocations and word forms are inaccurate.
Use phrases such as pension costs, healthcare spending, raise the retirement age, and housing affordability.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally understandable, but agreement, articles, and clause boundaries need editing.
Check agreement after number, population, and demand, and avoid comma splices.