Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. What could be the reasons behind this? What measures can be taken to resolve this problem?
Sample Response
The world's biggest cities are alluring new inhabitants the way giant sponges suck the water out of their surrounding areas. Despite the various benefits the cities can provide, the quality of life suffers under a diverse set of environmental and socio-economic issues. In this essay, the most prevalent reasons for this issue and viable solutions will be discussed. One of the most critical reasons for the shattering quality of city life is various environmental pollutions. The smog in capital cities and other high-density urban areas - e.g. Shanghai and Los Angeles - has become unbearable for their inhabitants and require the undertaking of great measures. Another critical reason for deteriorating urban life quality is the intensified crime rates. For that reason, people are living under constant fear and threat; leaving them prone to stress-related diseases and higher probabilities of falling victims of crimes. For instance, in some of Latin America's biggest cities, it is not recommended for women to walk alone in the streets even during daylight and this city is not alone. For the problems, there are always solutions. Referring back to the pollution problem, the cure has been declared mainly by the means of cleaner energy and transportation systems. Many so-called 'green cities' like Copenhagen are leading the way in the development of higher quality public transports and prioritising light vehicle traffic. Dealing with crimes is far more complicated. Psychologists believe that a more beautiful, clean and happy external environment can reduce crime levels. Thus, this can be something city planners should look into more deeply when planning our urban areas. But most likely, providing people sufficient amount of opportunities and guidance in their lives would be the most effective prevention measure as far as I believe. To conclude, there are many adversities that can reduce the urban life quality such as environmental pollution and crime; however, there are also opportunities and tools to reduce these effects. Mainly, planning our cities more wisely by taking care of negative environmental and socio-economic effects on peoples' well-being, is necessary and doable.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct verb Original: alluring Suggested revision: attracting Why it matters: Cities attract residents; “allure” is not used transitively in this way.
- 2. Refine the comparison Original: the way giant sponges suck the water out of Suggested revision: as giant sponges draw water from Why it matters: This phrasing makes the comparison more concise and natural.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: suffers under Suggested revision: is diminished by Why it matters: Quality of life is more naturally described as being diminished by problems.
- 4. Use a concise phrase Original: a diverse set of Suggested revision: a range of Why it matters: “A range of” expresses variety more directly in this context.
- 5. Express the decline clearly Original: the shattering quality of city life Suggested revision: the declining quality of urban life Why it matters: “Shattering quality” is not an idiomatic description of worsening living conditions.
- 6. Use pollution uncountably Original: various environmental pollutions Suggested revision: various forms of environmental pollution Why it matters: “Pollution” is uncountable when referring generally to environmental contamination.
- 7. Match the singular subject Original: require Suggested revision: requires Why it matters: The singular subject “smog” requires the singular verb “requires.”
- 8. Use the correct collocation Original: the intensified crime rates Suggested revision: rising crime rates Why it matters: Crime rates rise or increase; they are not described as “intensified.”
- 9. Correct the clause punctuation Original: threat; leaving Suggested revision: threat, leaving Why it matters: The participial result phrase is dependent and should follow a comma rather than a semicolon.
- 10. Use a natural risk phrase Original: higher probabilities of falling victims of crimes Suggested revision: a higher risk of becoming victims of crime Why it matters: This is the idiomatic way to express an increased likelihood of victimisation.
- 11. State the solution directly Original: the cure has been declared mainly by the means of Suggested revision: solutions mainly involve Why it matters: The original phrase uses inappropriate wording for measures that address pollution.
- 12. Use crime uncountably Original: crimes Suggested revision: crime Why it matters: “Crime” is uncountable when referring to the general social problem.
Suggested Rewrites
- alluring attracting
- the way giant sponges suck the water out of as giant sponges draw water from
- suffers under is diminished by
- a diverse set of a range of
- the shattering quality of city life the declining quality of urban life
- various environmental pollutions various forms of environmental pollution
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay addresses both questions with relevant causes, practical environmental measures, and examples that show awareness of urban problems. Its main limitations are the single-block presentation, vague links between crime and some proposed remedies, and recurring unnatural collocations and grammatical slips. Prioritise distinct cause-and-solution paragraphs, explain how each measure targets its identified problem, and revise expressions about pollution, crime, transport, and opportunity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Pollution and crime are clearly identified and matched with relevant measures, although the crime solutions remain somewhat general and weakly justified.
Explain concretely how urban design, employment opportunities, and guidance would reduce crime, with one specific implementation example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a discernible causes-to-solutions sequence, but the absence of paragraph breaks and some unclear referencing weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, causes, pollution solutions, crime solutions, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, but frequent collocational errors such as shattering quality, environmental pollutions, and intensified crime rates reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as declining quality of life, environmental pollution, and rising crime rates.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used regularly and meaning is generally clear, though agreement, articles, punctuation, and clause attachment are inconsistently controlled.
Check subject-verb agreement and remove dangling attachments, especially after smog, a semicolon, and providing people.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. What could be the reasons behind this? What measures can be taken to resolve this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.