Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, shows and TV channels, and following the same brands. To what extent do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?
Sample Response
The distinctiveness between nations worldwide is decreasing as the same movies, advertisements and TV shows, as well as favourite brands, are shared across countries. I believe that the drawbacks of this trend, including the risk of cultural loss and small businesses’ bankruptcy, mostly overrule its benefits such as high-quality products. The foremost rationale for my belief that countries becoming increasingly alike is rather detrimental relates to decreased cultural diversity. This is because many nations are struggling to promote their own cultural features under the influence of imported culture. For instance, many young Chinese are now keen on listening to Korean pop singers rather than national artists, leading to a decline in the popularity and significance of China’s music culture and practices. Another reason why I maintain that the decrease in national differences should be considered a disadvantage is the impacts on local businesses. Specifically, these enterprises might struggle in the competition with international brands which tend to possess superior financial capability and management practices. An illustrative example of this is the expansion of Nike in Vietnam, which has opened hundreds of stores across the country. Their prevalence has reportedly forced numerous local sportswear companies such as Vinashoes to downsize or go bankrupt. However, I acknowledge the possibility of an enhancement in product quality. In reality, the producers of international entertainment and consumer goods have generally invested heavily to ensure the exceptional quality of their products to meet the expectations of consumers in various nations. For instance, Hollywood movies such as The Avengers are reported to receive millions of dollars for cast recruitment, filming studios, and special effects, resulting in international blockbusters which satisfy millions of viewers worldwide. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that the tendency that countries are becoming increasingly similar creates more significant disadvantages, ranging from a decrease in cultural richness to burdens on small companies, even though people might enjoy better products. That is why governments should increase funding to domestic organisations to compete with those from other nations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural business phrase Original: small businesses’ bankruptcy Suggested revision: the failure of small businesses Why it matters: This is a more natural way to refer generally to businesses closing.
- 2. Use comparison verb Original: mostly overrule Suggested revision: largely outweigh Why it matters: Outweigh is the appropriate verb for comparing disadvantages with advantages.
- 3. Repair clause structure Original: The foremost rationale for my belief that countries becoming increasingly alike is rather detrimental relates to Suggested revision: The main reason I consider increasing similarity between countries detrimental is Why it matters: The original embeds an unmarked gerund clause and an awkward relates to construction.
- 4. Clarify cultural influence Original: under the influence of imported culture Suggested revision: because of the influence of imported cultures Why it matters: The plural noun better reflects cultural influence arriving from different nations.
- 5. Fix number and reference Original: the impacts on local businesses Suggested revision: its impact on local businesses Why it matters: The sentence refers to one impact of the decrease in national differences.
- 6. Correct compete pattern Original: struggle in the competition with Suggested revision: struggle to compete with Why it matters: Struggle takes an infinitive when describing difficulty performing an action.
- 7. Precise business term Original: capability Suggested revision: resources Why it matters: Financial resources more precisely describes the advantage available to large brands.
- 8. Clarify reference Original: Their prevalence Suggested revision: This expansion Why it matters: Their has no clear plural antecedent, whereas this expansion refers directly to Nike's growth.
- 9. Concise benefit phrase Original: the possibility of an enhancement in product quality Suggested revision: the potential improvement in product quality Why it matters: The revision expresses the acknowledged benefit more directly.
- 10. Correct tendency pattern Original: the tendency that countries are becoming increasingly similar Suggested revision: the tendency for countries to become increasingly similar Why it matters: Tendency is naturally followed by for plus a noun phrase and infinitive.
- 11. Natural artist term Original: national Suggested revision: domestic Why it matters: Domestic artists is a more natural contrast with performers from another country.
- 12. Clarify film financing Original: receive millions of dollars Suggested revision: have budgets of millions of dollars Why it matters: Movies have production budgets rather than receiving money in the way people or organisations do.
Suggested Rewrites
- small businesses’ bankruptcy the failure of small businesses
- mostly overrule largely outweigh
- The foremost rationale for my belief that countries becoming increasingly alike is rather detrimental relates to The main reason I consider increasing similarity between countries detrimental is
- under the influence of imported culture because of the influence of imported cultures
- the impacts on local businesses its impact on local businesses
- struggle in the competition with struggle to compete with
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response directly answers the comparative question and develops a clear position through specific examples of cultural loss, commercial pressure, and product quality. Its main weakness is presentation as one continuous paragraph, which obscures the otherwise logical stages of the argument, while a few collocations are imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the essay into purposeful paragraphs and refine word choice in several claims.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported by well-developed discussion of two disadvantages and one relevant advantage.
Strengthen the comparison further by explicitly weighing why the disadvantages are more significant than the product-quality benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly through well-signposted stages, but the complete absence of paragraph breaks substantially weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, each main idea, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clear central topics.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a wide academic vocabulary with generally precise use, although a few collocations sound unnatural.
Replace choices such as mostly overrule, struggle in the competition, and the impacts with more idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong overall control, despite occasional agreement and reference problems.
Proofread for isolated issues such as reason...is the impacts and ensure pronoun references identify their subjects unambiguously.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, shows and TV channels, and following the same brands. To what extent do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.