Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?
Sample Response
There has been a trend over recent decades for families to become less close than they were in the past and this situation is largely accepted in society. This essay will discuss the reasons for this and examine the benefits and drawbacks of this development.
One of the first reasons for a decline in the closeness of families is connected to the busy lifestyles that we now lead. Most people are having to work longer hours and often both parents work, so they simply do not have as much time to spend with each other as they did in the past. Another factor is the materialistic and consumer driven culture we now live in, which has led to less value being placed on family relationships. Modern technology also means that people are more interested in their online life than interacting with their family in their free time.
It could be argued that this has benefits. If people are not so close with their family, they are free to pursue their own dreams and aspirations, and to focus on improving their own lifestyle. However, I believe that there are far more negative outcomes. The most important factors leading to a fulfilled and happy life are emotional security and comfort. Without these we are in danger of feeling lost. It is a difficult world we live in and we need the support of people close to us to cope with modern life. We are seeing a rise in mental health problems in many countries and this may well be a factor in this.
To conclude, busy modern lifestyles, changing cultural values and modern technology are causing families to become less close. We should try to halt this trend as it has more negative than positive outcomes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate ranking Original: first Suggested revision: main Why it matters: Main describes importance more accurately because the essay does not establish an ordered sequence of reasons.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: value Suggested revision: importance Why it matters: Place importance on is the more natural collocation for describing social priorities.
- 3. Use plural reference Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive subject people is more naturally matched with lives in this general statement.
- 4. Correct preposition Original: close with their family Suggested revision: close to their families Why it matters: Close takes the preposition to, and families fits the plural subject people.
- 5. Remove redundant wording Original: their own dreams and aspirations Suggested revision: their aspirations Why it matters: Dreams and aspirations overlap in meaning, so one term expresses the idea more concisely.
- 6. Use natural expression Original: lifestyle Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: Improving their lives is more idiomatic than improving a lifestyle in this context.
- 7. Clarify causal link Original: as Suggested revision: because Why it matters: Because makes the concluding reason explicit and avoids the possible temporal reading of as.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: There has been a trend over recent decades for families to become less close than they were in the past and this situation is largely accepted in society. Suggested revision: In recent decades, families have tended to become less close than they were in the past, and society has largely accepted this situation. Why it matters: The rewrite reduces the heavy opening construction and separates the two main clauses clearly.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Most people are having to work longer hours and often both parents work, so they simply do not have as much time to spend with each other as they did in the past. Suggested revision: Many people now work longer hours, and in families where both parents work, the parents have less time to spend together than they did in the past. Why it matters: The rewrite removes ambiguous pronoun references and clarifies who has less time together.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: We are seeing a rise in mental health problems in many countries and this may well be a factor in this. Suggested revision: Mental health problems are rising in many countries, and weaker family support may be a contributing factor. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces both vague uses of this with explicit references while preserving the proposed connection.
Suggested Rewrites
- first main
- value importance
- life lives
- close with their family close to their families
- their own dreams and aspirations their aspirations
- lifestyle lives
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers both parts directly, presents a clear judgment, and organises several relevant causes and consequences into a coherent progression. Its main limitation is uneven development: the causes are listed efficiently, but the advantage receives little explanation and the mental-health consequence remains somewhat speculative. Expand the comparison by explaining the limited benefit more fully and showing precisely why emotional security and family support carry greater weight.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a clear position and relevant ideas, though the advantage is less fully developed than the drawbacks.
Explain how greater independence benefits individuals before directly weighing that benefit against the loss of family support.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into focused paragraphs, and its progression and cohesive links are consistently clear.
Strengthen the internal transition from the brief advantage to the drawbacks so the comparative judgment is more explicitly signposted.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and generally precise, with a few awkward or broad expressions such as “less close with their family.”
Use more natural collocations and qualify broad causal language when linking weaker family ties to mental-health problems.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple sentence forms are used accurately and flexibly, with only minor punctuation lapses.
Add commas where introductory or interrupting clauses require clearer separation, particularly in longer evaluative sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.