People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons? What are the effects of this trend?
Sample Response
It is common nowadays for people to devote an inadequate amount of time to their family. This essay will present the possible causes and clarify the impacts of this phenomenon.
The insufficient time spent on family can be due to several reasons. Firstly, the excessive use of electronic devices are considered one of the culprits. In fact, most people these days own at least one gadget that keeps them busy regardless of the time of the day. This means the number of hours that could have been spent with their loved ones might have to be sacrificed. Secondly, the increasing workload in modern society also makes it more challenging to maintain family presence. For example, many people with a nine-to-five job, who might be struggling to deal with overtime work, can find family time a scarce commodity. Therefore, it is understandable that hectic schedules are taking away people’s quality time at home.
This tendency can induce long-lasting negative effects. One impact that is worth mentioning is the lack of family connection. Evidently, a healthy relationship is built on communication and mutual understanding, which cannot be achieved without frequent gatherings. Therefore, limited family time can lead to the risk of family distancing as well as a lack of emotional support. Moreover, the detrimental impact to a child’s development should also be taken into account. As children grow up, parental guidance will help them develop a healthy mindset such as positive thinking and proper attitudes. Thus, kids with absent parents might be prone to negativity or other mental problems.
In conclusion, it is the busy lifestyle and the overuse of electronics that makes family time a luxury for many. As a result, the relationships with their loved ones can be put at risk, while the children involved might be inclined to emotional issues.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: an inadequate amount of time Suggested revision: too little time Why it matters: This phrase expresses the idea more naturally and directly.
- 2. Fix subject agreement Original: are Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The singular subject “use” requires the singular verb “is.”
- 3. Use concise phrase Original: time of the day Suggested revision: time of day Why it matters: The fixed expression does not need “the” before “day.”
- 4. Clarify the activity Original: maintain family presence Suggested revision: spend time with family Why it matters: This wording clearly identifies the family activity being discussed.
- 5. Reduce wordiness Original: struggling to deal with overtime work Suggested revision: required to work overtime Why it matters: This replacement states the employment pressure more precisely.
- 6. Improve verb choice Original: induce Suggested revision: have Why it matters: “Have effects” is a more natural collocation in this context.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: lack of family connection Suggested revision: weakening of family bonds Why it matters: This phrase describes deterioration in family relationships more idiomatically.
- 8. Clarify the outcome Original: family distancing Suggested revision: family members growing apart Why it matters: The replacement makes the interpersonal effect explicit and natural.
- 9. Correct the preposition Original: to Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The noun “impact” takes “on” before the affected person or thing.
- 10. Use formal wording Original: kids with absent parents Suggested revision: children whose parents are often absent Why it matters: This phrasing is more formal and clarifies that the parents are frequently unavailable.
- 11. Fix the collocation Original: inclined to emotional issues Suggested revision: at greater risk of emotional problems Why it matters: People are “at risk of” problems rather than “inclined to” them.
Suggested Rewrites
- an inadequate amount of time too little time
- are is
- time of the day time of day
- maintain family presence spend time with family
- struggling to deal with overtime work required to work overtime
- induce have
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response's strongest feature is its clear, balanced coverage of two causes and two consequences, supported by relevant explanation and a logical structure. Its main limitation is occasional imprecise or unnatural phrasing, while some supporting points remain fairly general. The highest priority is to develop each idea with a more concrete causal example while replacing awkward expressions with natural, precise collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions clearly and develops relevant causes and effects with generally sufficient explanation.
Support the main points with more specific real-world examples or fuller causal detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally clarify the relationships between points.
Use referencing and transitions more subtly to reduce reliance on formulaic linking phrases.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and often effective, although several collocations such as family presence and family distancing sound unnatural.
Prioritise natural collocations and precise wording when describing relationships and emotional consequences.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally strong control, despite occasional agreement and preposition errors.
Check subject-verb agreement and dependent prepositions carefully during proofreading.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons? What are the effects of this trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.