Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.
Sample Response
The leisure activities and time spent for this has plummeted in the recent decades. There are several reasons for this; such as addiction to digital gadgets and the desire to acquire materialistic prosperity. It is undeniable that this trend has serious impacts on every single person and the community as a whole. At the outset, there are two main causes for the gradual waning of hobbies these days. Firstly, the revolutionised digital era makes people as couch potatoes in front of laptops, smartphones, the internet and social media. So obviously the citizens become less interested in carrying out an activity apart from these. Secondly, In an aspiration to achieve materialistically prosperous, they extend their working hours thereby cutting down the time spent on hobbies. For example, my uncle who has been a passionate cyclist for years hardly does cycling after being placed in one of the top multinational companies. Incidentally, the above reasons have detrimental effects on the masses. The most significant impact on the individuals is the reduction in the physical activity. This would lead them to an unbalanced lifestyle; thereby making them the victims of diseases like high blood pressure, obesity, high cholesterol and heart attacks. This is because of the deposition of fats in the body which might naturally cause obesity after a period of time. Another connected effect is the loss of productivity in the workplace even after working for hours and hours together since the employees would deprive of ways to channelize their stress. To conclude, the contemporary changes like digital addiction and work stress has lessened the time spent for hobbies. These trends not only cause health hazards like heart attacks and obesity but also reflected as inefficiency in work. Everyone should allocate time for the hobby that interests them. This will help them lead a stress-free and healthy life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Incorrect collocation Original: acquire materialistic prosperity Suggested revision: achieve material prosperity Why it matters: “Material prosperity” is the natural noun phrase, and it is normally achieved rather than acquired.
- 2. Natural collocation Original: impacts Suggested revision: effects Why it matters: “Serious effects” is the more natural collocation for consequences affecting people and society.
- 3. Wrong word form Original: the revolutionised digital era Suggested revision: the digital revolution Why it matters: The noun phrase “digital revolution” correctly names the technological change being described.
- 4. Incorrect complement Original: makes people as couch potatoes Suggested revision: turns people into couch potatoes Why it matters: The verb pattern requires “turns ... into” rather than “makes ... as”.
- 5. Formal transition Original: So obviously Suggested revision: Consequently, Why it matters: A concise causal connector makes the relationship with the preceding sentence clearer.
- 6. Unclear reference Original: apart from these Suggested revision: apart from these digital activities Why it matters: Naming the activities removes the vague reference of “these”.
- 7. Possessive determiner Original: In an aspiration Suggested revision: in their aspiration Why it matters: The phrase needs a possessive determiner to connect the aspiration to the people described.
- 8. Wrong word forms Original: materialistically prosperous Suggested revision: material prosperity Why it matters: The verb “achieve” requires a noun phrase rather than an adverb and adjective.
- 9. Missing comma Original: working hours thereby Suggested revision: working hours, thereby Why it matters: A comma should separate the main clause from the result phrase beginning with “thereby”.
- 10. Natural verb Original: hardly does cycling Suggested revision: hardly cycles Why it matters: The simple verb “cycles” is the natural way to describe this activity.
- 11. Awkward employment phrase Original: after being placed in Suggested revision: since taking a position at Why it matters: The revision expresses the employment change naturally and clearly.
- 12. Wrong connector Original: Incidentally Suggested revision: As a result, Why it matters: The paragraph is moving from causes to their effects, so a causal connector is required.
Suggested Rewrites
- acquire materialistic prosperity achieve material prosperity
- impacts effects
- the revolutionised digital era the digital revolution
- makes people as couch potatoes turns people into couch potatoes
- So obviously Consequently,
- apart from these apart from these digital activities
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies two plausible causes and develops the individual health effects with a relevant example and explanation. However, the effect on society is treated only indirectly through workplace productivity, and the single-block presentation weakens readability. The highest-priority improvement is to add a distinct, developed societal consequence and organise the causes and effects into clear paragraphs while correcting recurrent grammatical and collocational errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes are explained and individual effects are developed, but the required effect on society remains narrow and largely implicit.
Develop one explicit society-wide consequence, such as economic productivity or public-health costs, and trace its impact beyond individual workers.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning follows a broadly clear cause-and-effect sequence, but mechanical linking and the absence of paragraph breaks reduce clarity.
Separate the introduction, causes, effects, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs and use transitions only where the logical relationship needs signalling.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, though frequent awkward collocations and word-form choices make expression less natural.
Prioritise accurate common combinations for work, prosperity, exercise, and stress instead of forcing less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts a mix of sentence structures, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, prepositions, and verb forms are noticeable.
Edit each sentence for subject-verb agreement and complete verb patterns, then check articles and prepositions around common noun phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.