More and more students at university today are not choosing to study science. Why is this happening? What are the effects of this?
Sample Response
Fewer undergraduates today than ever before are opting to pursue careers in science. This is because business related subjects offer greater financial security and this will result in less overall talent in scientific fields.
The main reason that science majors are dwindling is the lure of business. Studying a scientific subject such as biology or chemistry requires intense specification, long hours in labs, and unstable future career options. Business related majors, on the other hand, are guaranteed an easier path to a good salary and the esteem of others. Good evidence of this comes in the form of all the majors related to commerce rapidly growing in popularity including marketing, finance, corporate law, banking, and economics. Parents often put pressure on their children to major in these subjects to secure a minimum level of financial success and raise the ceiling on future earning potential.
The impact will be felt in an overall decrease of talent in science. In the past, science tended to attract the best and brightest students who saw it as a path to personal wealth, glory and the public good. A good example of this is in the decades leading up to World War 2 when advances in medicine and technology of bright individuals like Marie Curie, Alexander Fleming, and Albert Einstein made them immortal role models. Today, our role models are more likely to be businessmen of a sort such as Steve Jobs, Warren Buffet, and Donald Trump. This is not only evidence of the societal shift but also portends fewer great figures in science going forward.
In conclusion, business has siphoned off potential science majors and this will result in fewer high quality scientists. It is important to highlight the achievements of scientists and denigrate businessmen in order to curb this alarming trend.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve word order Original: less overall talent Suggested revision: less talent overall Why it matters: This word order is more natural in the clause.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: intense specification Suggested revision: intensive specialization Why it matters: ‘Intensive specialization’ more accurately describes focused study in a scientific field.
- 3. Use a precise phrase Original: unstable future career options Suggested revision: uncertain career prospects Why it matters: This is a more natural phrase for insecurity about future employment.
- 4. Simplify the expression Original: raise the ceiling on future earning potential Suggested revision: increase their future earning potential Why it matters: The revision communicates the same idea more directly.
- 5. Correct the preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The noun ‘decrease’ takes ‘in’ when naming what declines.
- 6. Remove awkward wording Original: businessmen of a sort such as Suggested revision: business figures such as Why it matters: The revision introduces the examples more concisely and naturally.
- 7. Use the demonstrative determiner Original: the Suggested revision: this Why it matters: ‘This’ clearly refers back to the shift described in the preceding comparison.
- 8. Qualify the absolute claim Original: are guaranteed an easier path Suggested revision: are perceived as offering an easier path Why it matters: The revision presents this as the perception driving students’ choices rather than an unsupported certainty.
- 9. Use a precise phrase Original: minimum level of financial success Suggested revision: basic level of financial security Why it matters: ‘Financial security’ fits the intended idea of reliable future earnings more naturally.
- 10. Use formal phrasing Original: fewer great figures in science going forward Suggested revision: fewer prominent scientific figures in the future Why it matters: The revision is more precise and appropriately formal.
- 11. Use measured academic language Original: denigrate businessmen Suggested revision: challenge the idealisation of businesspeople Why it matters: The revision preserves the contrast while avoiding an unnecessarily hostile verb.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: A good example of this is in the decades leading up to World War 2 when advances in medicine and technology of bright individuals like Marie Curie, Alexander Fleming, and Albert Einstein made them immortal role models. Suggested revision: A good example comes from the decades leading up to World War II, when advances in medicine and technology made by bright individuals such as Marie Curie, Alexander Fleming, and Albert Einstein turned them into enduring role models. Why it matters: The rewrite clarifies who made the advances and corrects the sentence structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- less overall talent less talent overall
- intense specification intensive specialization
- unstable future career options uncertain career prospects
- raise the ceiling on future earning potential increase their future earning potential
- of in
- businessmen of a sort such as business figures such as
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a direct answer to both questions, sustains a clear line of argument, and uses varied, confident language to develop the cause and its likely consequence. Its main limitation is that several claims are overly absolute and the historical evidence is not always precisely framed. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify these claims and explain the societal effects through more carefully selected evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The cause and effect are both clearly identified and substantially developed with relevant explanation and examples.
Qualify sweeping claims about career guarantees and strengthen the effect analysis with more precise evidence about scientific capacity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised, with focused paragraphs and a clear progression from cause to consequence.
Make the link between historical role models and the predicted loss of scientific talent more explicitly causal.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and often precise, with strong expressions such as “siphoned off” and “portends,” despite a few awkward choices.
Replace imprecise phrases such as “intense specification” and “businessmen of a sort” with more natural academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied and generally accurate, and errors are rare enough not to disrupt communication.
Polish occasional awkward noun-phrase relationships so that complex sentences remain consistently clear and natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more students at university today are not choosing to study science. Why is this happening? What are the effects of this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.