Most people agree that money cannot bring happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness?
Sample Response
Some people argue that happiness is come from money, while other people think that happiness cannot be bought by anything. I believe that there are a lot of factors to make people happy, not only by having much money. People have their own way to consider what happiness is and what things can make them satisfied. Happiness is not goods, not something that people can see from their eyes or something that they can hold in their hands. Happiness is about what people feel, how much they thank for what they have been having in their life. Naturally, people are created with a dissatisfying feeling. They will never feel enough in their life, even they have unlimited money in a bank. That is the reason why the happiness is difficult to define. Nowadays, many things are measured by wealth and possession. People think that money is the most important thing to be happy, so they try to work hard and earn money as much as they can. They do not realise that research has proved that some of the rich people are not really happy in their life. On the other hand, many people consider happy when they have a harmonious family. They do not need much money to be happy, because by having a good husband, wife and children, they can feel satisfied. In conclusion, I think that every people have their own definition of what happiness is. Some people agree that money is the most important thing to be happy and some others believe that money cannot make all of them satisfied, so it depends on their point of view.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the verb form Original: happiness is come from money Suggested revision: happiness comes from money Why it matters: The active present-tense verb should be “comes,” without the auxiliary “is.”
- 2. Remove the faulty agent Original: bought by anything Suggested revision: bought Why it matters: “Anything” is not the agent performing the purchase, so the passive phrase should end after “bought.”
- 3. Fix the noun complement Original: their own way to consider Suggested revision: their own way of considering Why it matters: The noun “way” takes an “of” phrase here to describe each person’s manner of thinking.
- 4. Use a concise verb Original: what things can make them satisfied Suggested revision: what can satisfy them Why it matters: The verb “satisfy” expresses the same meaning more directly and naturally.
- 5. Fix noun agreement Original: Happiness is not goods Suggested revision: Happiness is not a material good Why it matters: The singular abstract subject is compared with a singular countable noun phrase.
- 6. Use the right preposition Original: from Suggested revision: with Why it matters: English uses “with” to name the means or organ used for seeing.
- 7. Express the idea naturally Original: are created with a dissatisfying feeling Suggested revision: experience feelings of dissatisfaction Why it matters: The revision describes a human feeling naturally without implying that the feeling itself causes dissatisfaction.
- 8. Correct the expression Original: feel enough in their life Suggested revision: feel satisfied with their lives Why it matters: People feel satisfied rather than “feel enough,” and the plural possessive requires “lives.”
- 9. Add the condition marker Original: even they have Suggested revision: even if they have Why it matters: “Even if” is required to introduce this concessive condition.
- 10. Use the established phrase Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: “Money in the bank” is the conventional general expression for stored wealth.
- 11. Remove the article Original: the happiness is difficult Suggested revision: happiness is difficult Why it matters: The abstract concept “happiness” does not take the definite article in this general statement.
- 12. Use the plural noun Original: possession Suggested revision: possessions Why it matters: “Possessions” is normally plural when it refers generally to the things people own.
Suggested Rewrites
- happiness is come from money happiness comes from money
- bought by anything bought
- their own way to consider their own way of considering
- what things can make them satisfied what can satisfy them
- Happiness is not goods Happiness is not a material good
- from with
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers a recognizable central idea that happiness is personal and cannot be reduced to wealth, and its meaning remains generally understandable. The main limitation is that it spends much more time explaining why happiness is difficult to define than showing how people can achieve it; the highest-priority improvement is to answer the second question directly with several developed, practical routes to happiness in clearly separated paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The difficulty of defining happiness is discussed, but ways of achieving happiness are only briefly and indirectly developed.
Add a focused section explaining several attainable sources of happiness and support each one with reasoning or an example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a broadly understandable sequence, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, each question's answer, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, though repetition and frequent unnatural word choices limit precision.
Use more natural expressions for gratitude, satisfaction, and family relationships while reducing repetition of happy and money.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex sentences are attempted, but frequent errors in verb forms, articles, agreement, and clauses reduce control.
Correct basic patterns such as happiness comes, even if they have, and every person before attempting more complex structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Most people agree that money cannot bring happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.