In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?
Sample Response
Around the world, many traditional festivals these days are at risk of becoming outdated and irrelevant. In my opinion, this contributes to issues concerning cultural disintegration and should be countered by citizens in concert with governments.
The main issues resulting from abandoning traditional festivals concern culture. More commercial holidays such as Black Friday and Christmas are gaining in popularity which naturally threatens smaller cultural groups and their festivals. For example, in China there are numerous ethnic groups living in remote areas that struggle to preserve their traditions over time as locals learn more about the outside world and leave their hometowns. As these groups disperse further both physically and virtually it will be a challenge for old traditions to persist and the results may impact the stories they hand down through generations, their language, traditional dishes and other aspects of culture.
The optimal remedies for the weakening of traditional cultures are for governments and individuals to actively encourage traditional festivals. Governments can make the greatest difference. For instance, states could fund organizations that aim to promote traditional festivals by staging local events and reaching out to older members of the community. Younger people could likewise attempt to engage more with their roots and connect with the sources of their culture. This occurs to some extent already when traditional festivals are advertised on social media to bring in a wider audience and greater attention.
In conclusion, the loss of traditional festivals is a boon to globalization and injures the cultural identity of various groups. This development must be confronted by locals of their own individual initiative and encouraged by governments.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe decline precisely Original: outdated and irrelevant Suggested revision: neglected and increasingly irrelevant Why it matters: Neglected more precisely describes a tradition losing public participation.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: this contributes Suggested revision: their disappearance contributes Why it matters: Naming the referent makes the link to the previous sentence explicit.
- 3. Use precise framing Original: abandoning traditional festivals Suggested revision: the loss of traditional festivals Why it matters: The loss better matches the prompt's focus on festivals disappearing.
- 4. Add nonrestrictive comma Original: popularity which naturally threatens Suggested revision: popularity, which naturally threatens Why it matters: The supplementary which-clause should be separated with a comma.
- 5. Add introductory comma Original: virtually it will be Suggested revision: virtually, it will be Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory dependent clause.
- 6. Clarify cause and effect Original: the results may impact Suggested revision: this may affect Why it matters: This directly refers to the groups' dispersal and avoids the vague noun results.
- 7. Keep focus precise Original: weakening of traditional cultures Suggested revision: decline of traditional festivals Why it matters: This wording keeps the remedy tied to the specific phenomenon under discussion.
- 8. Correct verb-object pairing Original: actively encourage traditional festivals Suggested revision: actively encourage participation in traditional festivals Why it matters: People can encourage participation, whereas encourage festivals is an unnatural collocation.
- 9. Use concise collocation Original: sources of their culture Suggested revision: cultural heritage Why it matters: Cultural heritage expresses the intended idea more naturally and concisely.
- 10. Use natural quantity word Original: greater Suggested revision: more Why it matters: Attention is normally modified by more rather than greater here.
- 11. Correct meaning Original: a boon to globalization Suggested revision: a consequence of globalization Why it matters: Boon means a benefit, which conflicts with the sentence's negative claim.
- 12. Correct prepositional phrase Original: confronted by locals of their own individual initiative Suggested revision: addressed by locals on their own initiative Why it matters: On their own initiative is the standard construction for voluntary action.
Suggested Rewrites
- outdated and irrelevant neglected and increasingly irrelevant
- this contributes their disappearance contributes
- abandoning traditional festivals the loss of traditional festivals
- popularity which naturally threatens popularity, which naturally threatens
- virtually it will be virtually, it will be
- the results may impact this may affect
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its focused, logically developed explanation of cultural loss and its realistic combination of governmental and individual remedies. The main limitation is that the problem analysis is concentrated almost entirely on one broad consequence, while a few expressions are slightly imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to distinguish and develop a second concrete problem, such as weakening community cohesion or loss of intergenerational knowledge.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts are answered directly with a clear position, relevant development, and a well-integrated example, though the range of problems is somewhat narrow.
Add a distinct second consequence and explain its impact to make the problem side as comprehensive as the remedies.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is highly coherent, and ideas move smoothly from the central problem to coordinated solutions with controlled referencing.
Make the transition between government action and individual action slightly more explicit so each remedy has an equally clear role.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, topic-specific, and generally precise, with only occasional questionable phrasing such as describing the loss as a boon to globalization.
Choose a more exact concluding expression, such as facilitates cultural homogenisation, to avoid unintended positive connotations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is handled accurately, and minor punctuation or phrasing lapses do not affect clarity.
Refine comma placement around non-essential clauses and introductory elements to make already strong sentence control more polished.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.