Discipline is a growing problem in modern schools. Some people think that parents should discipline their own children, while others think it should be the responsibility of the government. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
While some people argue that parents should take sole responsibility for disciplining their children, others take the view that the government should be in charge of such matters. In my opinion, the young generation should be primarily guided by their parents where rules of behavior and moral principles are concerned. However, in some instances government intervention is necessary.
On one side of the argument, there are people who hold the opinion that the responsibility of disciplining a child falls squarely on parents’ shoulders, since they are their first educators, and it is their duty to equip their children with good manners and morals even before their first day at school. In addition, every family has a unique understanding of what a suitable form of discipline entails. Therefore, some parents are concerned that any form of punishment meted out at school might be too harsh. To overcome this issue, they believe that parents should be informed by the school of their child’s wrongdoing so that they could decide an appropriate consequence for their behavior at home.
Unfortunately, not all parents are objective enough to make the right decisions when it comes to the upbringing of their children. Some may lack information or sound moral background to discipline their children in a meaningful way. Therefore, the state should shoulder some of the responsibility by implementing a strict set of guidelines and policies on how to discipline children at school. I believe that such policies result in children who flourish and are more likely to become productive citizens that actively contribute to a prosperous nation. Also, this would help both parents and teachers understand which punishments are suitable for minor infractions like missing an assignment or major incidents like bullying or skipping school.
In conclusion, while both views are commonly held in society, I believe that the government must be actively involved in the policies related to discipline at schools as this would ensure the well-being and successful development of the youth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add introductory comma Original: in some instances government intervention Suggested revision: in some instances, government intervention Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory phrase 'in some instances'.
- 2. Use concise transition Original: On one side of the argument Suggested revision: One view is that Why it matters: This transition introduces the first perspective more directly.
- 3. Clarify pronoun reference Original: since they are their first educators Suggested revision: since parents are their children's first educators Why it matters: Repeating the nouns removes ambiguity between the parents and children.
- 4. Correct preposition Original: of Suggested revision: about Why it matters: People are informed about an event rather than informed of it by this structure.
- 5. Keep present-time logic Original: could Suggested revision: can Why it matters: The present modal matches the general present-time recommendation in the sentence.
- 6. Add article Original: lack information or sound moral background Suggested revision: lack information or a sound moral foundation Why it matters: The singular countable phrase requires an article, and 'foundation' is natural in this context.
- 7. Remove redundancy Original: a strict set of guidelines and policies Suggested revision: clear guidelines and policies Why it matters: The shorter phrase avoids the unnecessary container noun 'set' while preserving the intended controls.
- 8. Use concise preposition Original: on how to discipline children at school Suggested revision: for disciplining children at school Why it matters: 'Guidelines for' is the more concise grammatical construction.
- 9. Match conditional claim Original: such policies result in children who flourish Suggested revision: such policies would help children flourish Why it matters: The modal 'would' fits the proposed policies and avoids the awkward result construction.
- 10. Use human relative pronoun Original: that Suggested revision: who Why it matters: 'Who' is the natural relative pronoun for people in formal writing.
- 11. Clarify parallel categories Original: minor infractions like missing an assignment or major incidents like bullying or skipping school Suggested revision: minor infractions, such as missing an assignment, and major incidents, such as bullying or skipping school Why it matters: Parallel punctuation and wording clearly separate the minor and major categories.
Suggested Rewrites
- in some instances government intervention in some instances, government intervention
- On one side of the argument One view is that
- since they are their first educators since parents are their children's first educators
- of about
- could can
- lack information or sound moral background lack information or a sound moral foundation
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully addresses both views and presents a nuanced, consistent position, supporting each side with relevant and well-developed reasoning. Organisation is particularly strong, and the language is varied and largely precise, with only occasional slightly awkward wording. The highest-priority refinement is to make the relationship between parental primacy and government involvement even more explicit so the conclusion mirrors the nuanced thesis exactly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored in depth and the writer's qualified position is clear, relevant, and well supported throughout.
Restate in the conclusion that parents retain primary responsibility while government policy provides necessary support to preserve the thesis's exact balance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced, effectively paragraphised, and cohesively developed with clear relationships between claims and supporting detail.
Make the concluding link back to the two-part position slightly more explicit for an even tighter sense of closure.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used naturally across the topic, with only occasional mildly awkward combinations.
Refine phrases such as sound moral background and where rules of behavior are concerned into more idiomatic formulations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few minor imperfections do not impede communication.
Continue refining reference clarity in long sentences so pronouns and subordinate clauses always attach to unmistakable subjects.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Discipline is a growing problem in modern schools. Some people think that parents should discipline their own children, while others think it should be the responsibility of the government. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.