While many people opine that drug smugglers should be punished by death row, others completely oppose this idea and argue that a less severe punishment should be in action. Recently, Australia urged Indonesia not to execute drug smugglers on death row. What is your opinion on that? State your position and give the relevant reasons on how far you agree/disagree with the topic.
Sample Response
In the present age, It is an undeniable fact that drug abuse has become a sparked debate all over the world, including Indonesia are taking part of this issue, mainly because Indonesia is one of the largest ocean countries of the world. There is a growing number of people who argue that drug abuse, in Indonesia, is considered as the biggest issue compared to the worldwide’s cases because Indonesian government are not seriously taking some measures to tackle this problem. These people thought that by executing drug smugglers on death row measured as the best solution to reduce such case. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with this statement, and in further paragraphs, I will support my opinion by some examples. To begin with, first and foremost, Indonesia is one of the largest multicultural countries and one of the biggest democratic countries all over the world. When Indonesian government officials decide everything related to policies, including drug smugglers, they have to consult with other stakeholders, namely practitioners, expertise, academicians, and societies as a whole. According to a new Indonesia president point of view, death row or death penalty, as well as Indonesian, called it, is not a proper solution to deal with this kind of problem mainly because it will lead to another problem. To implement this punishment is not as simple as it looks and there some implications. Furthermore, there are a variety of the possible solutions to cope with this issue. Firstly, the government should analyse the reasons behind drug smuggling that are conducted by both Indonesian and foreigners. Secondly, they have to implement strict rule both in airport and seaport, for instance, if officers on duty in both areas are not doing their work properly, for example, suspected of bribery with drug smugglers, the government have to punish them with a brutal punishment. Lastly, Indonesian government coordinates with other countries how to deal with this view. To sum up, whether or not drug smugglers should be punished by death row, from my view, death row is not the right answer into reducing drug smugglers in Indonesia.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Lowercase mid-sentence pronoun Original: It Suggested revision: it Why it matters: The pronoun should not be capitalised after a comma.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: sparked Suggested revision: heated Why it matters: A debate can be heated, whereas sparked does not work as an adjective here.
- 3. Choose precise adjective Original: ocean Suggested revision: maritime Why it matters: Maritime is the appropriate adjective for a country closely associated with the sea.
- 4. Match plural quantity Original: is Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The plural noun phrase a growing number of people requires are.
- 5. Remove faulty possessive Original: the worldwide’s cases Suggested revision: cases worldwide Why it matters: Worldwide functions naturally as an adverb here, not as a possessive noun.
- 6. Fix article and agreement Original: Indonesian government are Suggested revision: the Indonesian government is Why it matters: Government is singular here and needs the definite article.
- 7. Use natural phrasing Original: not seriously taking some measures Suggested revision: not taking serious measures Why it matters: Taking serious measures is the natural collocation for decisive action.
- 8. Keep tense consistent Original: thought Suggested revision: think Why it matters: The surrounding argument is presented in the present tense.
- 9. Remove incorrect preposition Original: by executing Suggested revision: executing Why it matters: The gerund phrase itself should serve as the subject of the clause.
- 10. Complete passive structure Original: measured as Suggested revision: is considered Why it matters: The clause needs a finite passive verb to express this judgement.
- 11. Use plural count noun Original: case Suggested revision: cases Why it matters: The general claim refers to multiple instances, so case should be plural.
- 12. Use standard signposting Original: in further paragraphs Suggested revision: in the following paragraphs Why it matters: Following paragraphs is the natural phrase for later parts of the essay.
Suggested Rewrites
- It it
- sparked heated
- ocean maritime
- is are
- the worldwide’s cases cases worldwide
- Indonesian government are the Indonesian government is
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear opposition to the death penalty and offers several potentially relevant alternatives, including stronger enforcement and international cooperation. Its main limitation is that the reasons against execution remain vague, while several background claims and proposed measures are only loosely connected to the position. The highest priority is to build two focused arguments with explicit explanation of why each supports a less severe punishment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, but the supporting reasons are often general, weakly connected, or insufficiently developed.
Develop each main reason by explaining precisely why execution is ineffective or inappropriate and support it with a relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a discernible sequence, although mechanical linking and the absence of effective paragraphing weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, distinct supporting arguments, and conclusion into paragraphs with one clear central idea each.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to discuss policy and punishment, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Use simpler, natural combinations such as impose a penalty, enforce strict rules, and reduce drug smuggling.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, sentence construction, and word forms sometimes strain clarity.
Prioritise complete sentence structures and check subject-verb agreement and article use throughout each paragraph.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
While many people opine that drug smugglers should be punished by death row, others completely oppose this idea and argue that a less severe punishment should be in action. Recently, Australia urged Indonesia not to execute drug smugglers on death row. What is your opinion on that? State your position and give the relevant reasons on how far you agree/disagree with the topic.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.