It is quite common for both parents in a family to work. Sometimes this is because they need two salaries to survive whereas other times it is their choice. What are the problems you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and the family life?
Sample Response
With the modernization of the society, it is not uncommon to see both the parents working. There are various reasons for it. Firstly, everybody wants to be financially independent. Secondly, with the increasing inflation and cost of living, it sometimes becomes necessary for both the partners to work. But there is no gainsaying in the fact that this impacts family life and children. When both the partners are working, it becomes difficult to spend time together and with the family, especially when the work timings are different. Children suffer the most in this situation. Mostly when children are merely one year old, they are sent to day care centre and are taken care by strangers. Childhood is a very crucial time in everybody's life. This is the time when children learn most, they pick up good or bad habits, develop emotional bonds with their parents. But when both the parents are working, children spends most of the time away from their parents and hence the emotional connect is not as strong as it should be. Even when all family members meet in the evening, both parents would be tired of all day work and could not spend quality time with each other. One major drawback of the both parents working is there is nobody to constantly keep an eye on children and to correct them instantly. For example; when I was growing up, my mother was always at home when I came back from school, and I would spend hours telling her what happened in school. She would feed me wholesome food and then help me with my homework. As I was growing up, she taught me, how to cook, do the dishes, and clean the house. Whenever I was late for home, I was answerable to her. Whenever I committed any mistake, she could catch it instantly and would correct me. Her constant support helped me, not only in achieving good grade but also to be a better human being; whereas my friends whose both parents were working, would come to an empty house, they would mostly survive on snacks after school. Their grades constantly suffered because they would watch TV or loiter around during study hours. They would often lie to their parents and would escape uncaught. Other problem that impacts the family life when both partners work is "ego". Since both are independent, ego often comes between both the partners; there would be a lot of argument. The increase in divorce rate is also due to this decrease in tolerance level. In nutshell, it is sometimes important for both the parents to work but this certainly has an impact on children and the family life. In this situation, it really becomes necessary to pay extra attention towards their children and try and spend as much time with family as possible.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the unnecessary article Original: modernization of the society Suggested revision: modernization of society Why it matters: 'Society' is used generally here and does not take the definite article.
- 2. Remove the article after both Original: see both the parents working Suggested revision: see both parents working Why it matters: 'Both' directly modifies the plural noun without 'the' in this general reference.
- 3. Use the natural collocation Original: the increasing inflation Suggested revision: rising inflation Why it matters: Inflation rises; 'increasing inflation' is unnecessarily repetitive.
- 4. Remove the article after both Original: both the partners to work Suggested revision: both partners to work Why it matters: The quantifier 'both' directly modifies 'partners' without 'the'.
- 5. Use the standard expression Original: no gainsaying in the fact Suggested revision: no denying the fact Why it matters: 'There is no denying the fact' is the established expression.
- 6. Use a natural work term Original: the work timings Suggested revision: their work schedules Why it matters: 'Work schedules' is the standard term, and the possessive clarifies whose schedules differ.
- 7. Remove the misplaced adverb Original: Mostly when children Suggested revision: When children Why it matters: 'Mostly' does not logically modify this age-based condition.
- 8. Use the full passive phrase Original: are taken care by strangers Suggested revision: are cared for by strangers Why it matters: The passive construction requires the phrasal verb 'care for'.
- 9. Remove redundant emphasis Original: very crucial time Suggested revision: crucial time Why it matters: 'Crucial' already expresses the highest importance and does not need 'very'.
- 10. Match the plural subject Original: spends Suggested revision: spend Why it matters: The plural subject 'children' requires the base verb 'spend'.
- 11. Use the correct noun Original: connect Suggested revision: connection Why it matters: 'Connection' is the standard noun in formal English.
- 12. Use present general conditions Original: both parents would be tired of all day work Suggested revision: both parents are tired after a full day's work Why it matters: The present tense suits a general claim, and the time phrase needs a possessive form.
Suggested Rewrites
- modernization of the society modernization of society
- see both the parents working see both parents working
- the increasing inflation rising inflation
- both the partners to work both partners to work
- no gainsaying in the fact no denying the fact
- the work timings their work schedules
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response answers both questions thoroughly, especially through detailed explanation of reduced parental supervision and its possible effects on children’s habits, education, and emotional bonds. Its main limitation is the unbroken paragraph and an overlong personal example, which obscure the broader family-life argument; the priority is to organise distinct effects into paragraphs and replace unsupported generalisations about ego and divorce with carefully explained, balanced consequences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses problems for children and family life in considerable detail, though some claims about working parents, ego, and divorce are overgeneralised.
Develop the family-relationship effects with careful causal explanation and acknowledge that childcare quality and work arrangements can alter the outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
A recognisable progression runs from causes to child supervision and marital strain, but the lack of paragraphing and an extended anecdote weaken organisation.
Separate emotional effects, supervision and education, the personal example, and couple relationships into focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response has sufficient range for family and childcare issues, but frequent awkward collocations and repetition reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as working hours, cared for, emotional bond, tired after work, monitor children, and earn good grades.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms conveys the argument, but agreement, articles, prepositions, punctuation, and clause boundaries are frequently inaccurate.
Divide run-on sentences, check plural subjects with verbs, and remove unnecessary commas before proofreading longer clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is quite common for both parents in a family to work. Sometimes this is because they need two salaries to survive whereas other times it is their choice. What are the problems you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and the family life?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.