Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree with this view? What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life?
Sample Response
It is true that a large number of people decide to take part in a career and earn money while the intention develops from the early stages of their life. As a result, they are happy with their working life. The view may vary but I completely agree to this. Frequently, the dream of taking up a career begins in early part of life. When kids are in schools, they compose essays on ‘Aim in Life’ where they mention about intentions to do in their adulthood. Consequently, they try to get into the track they cherished and most of them win the career and grow well in all terms. So, when they are in desired track, they are satisfied with their working life. The early career gives enough time for thinking or even switching career. People who start working at an early stage have better skills and better control of their professional life. In opposite, in my life, I have met with some unhappy people with their career path. They blame misfortune because they wanted to take something else as their career but they are to work on a completely different track which brings the sense of dissatisfaction. For instance, a science graduate who is a friend of mine is now handling banking transactions and an English graduate friend of mine is solving Chemistry problems in a lab! It really turns troublesome for them to bring satisfaction in their career as neither they were ready to deal with the matters nor they had intentions. Most of these people start their career at a later stage and become stuck to something. For a satisfying working life, I believe, people would like to have some specific issues in line with their regular salaries like a cosy working environment, flexible working hours and some extra benefits etc. If they have the facilities, they would be able to focus more on the work which gradually will bring the sense job satisfaction. However, my personal experience taught me that job satisfaction for all employees ios not possible and people's expectation for their jobs vary to a great extent. Nevertheless, my personal opinion is that a contented employee would usually seek for job security, better salary and health working environment. To conclude, it should be kept in mind that we work to live a happy life, and if the working conditions can enhance the living we become happier. Starting a career at an early age has several advantages and happy employees are those who feel secured at their jobs and get a better salary.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the preposition Original: agree to this Suggested revision: agree with this Why it matters: Agree takes with when referring to a view or statement.
- 2. Correct time expression Original: in early part of life Suggested revision: early in life Why it matters: The replacement is the natural grammatical expression for this life stage.
- 3. Use appropriate wording Original: kids are in schools Suggested revision: children are at school Why it matters: Children is more suitable for an academic essay, and at school is the correct general expression.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: compose essays Suggested revision: write essays Why it matters: Write essays is the conventional collocation in this educational context.
- 5. Repair the verb phrase Original: mention about intentions to do in their adulthood Suggested revision: describe what they intend to do in adulthood Why it matters: Mention does not take about here, and the original phrase lacks a grammatical object for do.
- 6. Clarify the career metaphor Original: get into the track they cherished Suggested revision: enter the career path they have long desired Why it matters: The replacement expresses the intended career choice clearly and naturally.
- 7. Correct career collocation Original: win the career Suggested revision: secure the career Why it matters: A person can secure a desired career, but cannot win a career.
- 8. Use precise wording Original: grow well in all terms Suggested revision: progress professionally Why it matters: The original phrase is vague and unnatural, while the replacement preserves the professional meaning.
- 9. Add determiner and preposition Original: in desired track Suggested revision: on their desired career path Why it matters: The metaphor requires on, a possessive determiner, and a clear reference to a career path.
- 10. Clarify the intended meaning Original: The early career Suggested revision: An early career start Why it matters: The argument concerns starting early rather than the early phase of a particular career.
- 11. Use plural noun Original: switching career Suggested revision: switching careers Why it matters: The general action of changing from one career to another requires the plural form.
- 12. Use correct contrast linker Original: In opposite Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: By contrast is the standard linker for introducing an opposing example.
Suggested Rewrites
- agree to this agree with this
- in early part of life early in life
- kids are in schools children are at school
- compose essays write essays
- mention about intentions to do in their adulthood describe what they intend to do in adulthood
- get into the track they cherished enter the career path they have long desired
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response is strongest in its clear agreement and its use of personal examples to show how career mismatch can reduce satisfaction, alongside relevant mentions of pay, security, flexibility, and working conditions. Its main limitation is that it often confuses choosing a career early with starting work early, while the alternative contributors are listed rather than developed and the single-paragraph format weakens organisation. The highest-priority improvement is to distinguish these ideas and develop two workplace factors in focused paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are addressed and a clear position is maintained, but some reasoning conflates early career choice with early employment and the additional factors receive limited development.
Explain why an informed early choice might create satisfaction, then develop two separate actions or conditions people can pursue to improve working life.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a broad progression from agreement to examples and other sources of satisfaction, but the absence of paragraphing and repetition make it difficult to navigate.
Use separate paragraphs for the early-choice argument, a contrasting example, workplace conditions, and the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss careers and job satisfaction, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace expressions such as “win the career,” “desired track,” “bring the sense job satisfaction,” and “health working environment” with standard forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence structures is attempted, but recurring errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, verb forms, and clause construction reduce clarity.
Simplify long sentences and check verb patterns and prepositions, especially with “agree,” “seek,” “work,” and “satisfied.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree with this view? What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.