Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?
Sample Response
Children are born proactive in the present generation, hence every parent is quite enthusiastic to make their child grow faster. It is the responsibility of the parents to send their children to school at the right age. It can be believed that sending children to school is more comfortable rather than keeping them at home. In my opinion, a child definitely gains something more if he is sent to school at a very young age.
Globally speaking, nowadays we have extraordinary school teachings like e-techno. If we consider this as an instance children gain much knowledge visually than the technical way of implementation. Even a child with an average IQ can also understand what is happening around him. Moreover, education is a part of life which does not have an end. So, every parent thinks to send their children at a particular age.
Some people think that children should stay with the parent until they are at least six or seven years old because children feel forcible and uncomfortable at a very young age without them. But, the education system is changing more rapidly, the way of thinking and behaviour of the parents has to change according to the system. Furthermore, completion of studies may make the student get into corporate companies and mould to the outside world at a very young age.
To summarise, I personally believe that children should be sent to school at a young age since, in today’s world, competition plays an important role. Everything goes on ‘First Come First Serve’ basis it also depends on the mental and physical ability of the children to send to school. Since not everyone is a child prodigy their capabilities are to be considered.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify opening claim Original: Children are born proactive in the present generation Suggested revision: Children today are naturally active Why it matters: The original wording uses proactive and present generation unnaturally.
- 2. Fix comma splice Original: , hence Suggested revision: . Therefore, Why it matters: These independent clauses need a full stop rather than only a comma.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: make their child grow faster Suggested revision: help their children develop more quickly Why it matters: Develop describes children's progress more naturally than make them grow.
- 4. Use concise possessive Original: the responsibility of the parents Suggested revision: parents' responsibility Why it matters: The possessive form expresses the relationship more directly.
- 5. Fix comparison form Original: more comfortable rather than Suggested revision: preferable to Why it matters: Preferable takes to and states the intended comparison clearly.
- 6. Make benefit precise Original: gains something more Suggested revision: gains additional benefits Why it matters: Additional benefits is more precise and formal than something more.
- 7. Use clear scope Original: Globally speaking Suggested revision: In many countries Why it matters: The revision gives the paragraph a clearer and more natural scope.
- 8. Use natural term Original: extraordinary school teachings Suggested revision: innovative teaching methods Why it matters: Teaching methods is the appropriate term for ways of delivering education.
- 9. Clarify the example Original: like e-techno Suggested revision: such as technology-based instruction Why it matters: The revision replaces the unclear expression e-techno with a comprehensible equivalent.
- 10. Remove redundant adverb Original: can also understand Suggested revision: can understand Why it matters: Also is redundant after even has already marked the inclusion.
- 11. Use defining relative Original: a part of life which Suggested revision: a part of life that Why it matters: That is the more natural relative pronoun in this defining clause.
- 12. Make wording concise Original: does not have an end Suggested revision: never ends Why it matters: Never ends expresses the same idea more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- Children are born proactive in the present generation Children today are naturally active
- , hence . Therefore,
- make their child grow faster help their children develop more quickly
- the responsibility of the parents parents' responsibility
- more comfortable rather than preferable to
- gains something more gains additional benefits
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a generally supportive view of early schooling and offers some potentially relevant points about learning and adapting to the wider world. Its main limitation is that the advantages remain vague, weakly supported, or diverted into competition, parental attitudes, and future employment rather than young children's immediate development. The highest-priority improvement is to develop two clearly relevant benefits with concrete explanations and age-appropriate examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response supports early schooling but only partially develops relevant advantages, with several ideas becoming tangential or unclear.
Focus on two direct advantages, such as social development and foundational learning, and explain precisely how early attendance produces each benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic progression are evident, but some sentences and supporting points connect loosely and the conclusion introduces qualifications unclearly.
Give each body paragraph one explicit advantage and arrange its sentences in a clear claim, explanation, and example sequence.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate or unnatural expressions weaken precision and clarity.
Use conventional educational language and replace vague phrases such as e-techno, extraordinary school teachings, and mould to the outside world.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but recurring errors in comparison, punctuation, articles, and clause structure sometimes strain readability.
Prioritize complete sentence boundaries and accurate comparative structures, then check articles and agreement throughout.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.