Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
The high-level jobs have always been held by men. Whether it is the head of the state or the CEO of a multinational company historically its men who have conquered most of the peaks. Although the history has seen women at the peak heights as well, the numbers of such cases have been relatively small. The question whether there should be reservation for women in the top positions has increasingly been contemplated by the governments around the world. While, such as step would definitely see an increase in the number of peak positions being held by women, it does have its disadvantages. Proponents of the idea of reservation for women cite their under representation as one of the causes. Women have traditionally been under-represented in the male dominated society. This has taken a toll on the causes related to women, such as domestic violence. Offering leading positions to women will significantly help such causes. Other people cite equality of both genders as one of reasons for reservation. In many parts of the world, specifically in developing nations in Asia and Middle East, women are not treated equally to men. This has led several people to demand reservation for women. They suggest reserving top positions for women would bring a sense of equality among both genders and harmony in society. However, reservation would lead to several problems which are often overlooked. Bringing in reservation would lead to "lowering the bar" for women. It will lead to many of the positions being filled by women who do not have the required talent and experience, only due the fact that the positions were reserved for women. This will eventually lead to a fall in productivity and growth of the company or the nation. Such a move would also bring a sense of inequality among men and women, since women would not have to work as hard as men to get the top positions. Rather than bringing in reservation for women for top positions, governments should encourage and support women so they reach these heights rightfully. Support could be in the form of financial aid, or free coaching. This would enable women to learn the skills needed to get the top positions and get the top positions without compromising productivity and growth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove generic article Original: The high-level jobs Suggested revision: High-level jobs Why it matters: A plural noun used for a general category does not need the definite article.
- 2. Fix article phrase Original: the head of the state Suggested revision: a head of state Why it matters: The general example requires an indefinite article, and 'head of state' is the standard expression.
- 3. Fix clause grammar Original: historically its men Suggested revision: historically, it is men Why it matters: The clause needs a comma and the full form 'it is', not the possessive 'its'.
- 4. Use precise wording Original: conquered most of the peaks Suggested revision: held most senior positions Why it matters: The literal employment context is clearer than the mixed metaphor about conquering peaks.
- 5. Remove article Original: the history has seen Suggested revision: history has seen Why it matters: 'History' is used as an uncountable general noun here and does not take 'the'.
- 6. Improve collocation Original: at the peak heights Suggested revision: at the highest levels Why it matters: 'At the highest levels' is the natural expression for senior professional positions.
- 7. Fix number agreement Original: the numbers of such cases Suggested revision: the number of such cases Why it matters: A single total is expressed with 'the number', not 'the numbers'.
- 8. Remove generic article Original: the governments around the world Suggested revision: governments around the world Why it matters: The plural noun refers generally to governments and should not take the definite article.
- 9. Repair opening clause Original: While, such as step Suggested revision: While such a step Why it matters: The comma is misplaced and 'as' is a typographical error for 'a'.
- 10. Clarify affected object Original: taken a toll on the causes related to women Suggested revision: harmed causes related to women Why it matters: The original collocation makes the relationship between under-representation and these causes unclear.
- 11. Add article Original: one of reasons Suggested revision: one of the reasons Why it matters: This fixed structure requires the definite article before the plural noun.
- 12. Add regional article Original: Asia and Middle East Suggested revision: Asia and the Middle East Why it matters: The geographical name 'Middle East' requires the definite article.
Suggested Rewrites
- The high-level jobs High-level jobs
- the head of the state a head of state
- historically its men historically, it is men
- conquered most of the peaks held most senior positions
- the history has seen history has seen
- at the peak heights at the highest levels
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear opposition to quotas and supports it with several relevant arguments, including equality, competence, and alternative government support. Its main limitation is that the entire essay is presented as one paragraph, while repeated wording and recurring language errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and refine each point with more exact, less repetitive expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses the proposal directly, sustains a clear opinion, and develops relevant reasons and an alternative policy.
Support the claims about productivity and social equality with more nuanced explanation rather than relying on broad assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a generally logical sequence, but the absence of paragraphing and repeated phrasing weaken its organisation.
Separate the introduction, case for quotas, objections, and preferred alternative into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, though repetition and several awkward collocations reduce flexibility and precision.
Replace repeated terms such as top positions and reservation with accurate alternatives while avoiding strained metaphors about peaks.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex structures, but recurring article, agreement, punctuation, and word-form errors remain noticeable.
Improve control of articles and clause boundaries, particularly in introductory sentences and constructions using due to and while.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that?
Your response
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