The main reason people go to work is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is true that the principle idea of occupation is to get the salary. People usually prefer those jobs that offer high wages and facilities. However, I agree with the statement to some extent. I reckon that, money would be the prime concern of work, nevertheless, it also provides the meaning of our existence.
Firstly, the value of money is almost vivid to all. For example, since ancient time, coins were used as salary in turn to buy food and clothes. The same trend we can see in our present world, hence money is a crucial factor to survive. People also work to support their family, so that they could pay for their basic necessities, such as accommodation, education costs, food, tax, bills etc. Additionally, many people work to secure their future prospect. If we no longer needed money, I doubt people will choose to continue their jobs.
On the other hand, work plays a vital role to embark upon a ship which has a definite meaning of its excursion. Moreover, we can assume the actual value of life. For instance, an inactive life leads to boredom, followed by loneliness and depression. The activity provides actual direction and motivation in order to pursue exact goals of our life. To add with, workless life may distract the person towards explicable acts, hence in some cases, people may find themselves in traps of addiction that may draw numerous hassles for both individual and society.
To sum up, it is undeniable that, people’s initials for work is, in order to earn money but it is rather important to run a meaningful life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the word Original: principle Suggested revision: principal Why it matters: Principal means main, whereas principle means a rule or belief.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: idea of occupation Suggested revision: purpose of working Why it matters: Purpose of working expresses the intended meaning more naturally.
- 3. Use correct collocation Original: get the salary Suggested revision: earn a salary Why it matters: English normally uses earn a salary for receiving pay through work.
- 4. Choose the right noun Original: facilities Suggested revision: benefits Why it matters: Benefits is the appropriate term for non-wage advantages offered by a job.
- 5. Use natural expression Original: almost vivid to all Suggested revision: clear to almost everyone Why it matters: Vivid does not naturally describe how widely the value of money is understood.
- 6. Use plural time noun Original: time Suggested revision: times Why it matters: The fixed expression is since ancient times.
- 7. Use accurate noun Original: salary Suggested revision: payment Why it matters: Payment is the natural uncountable noun for coins exchanged for work.
- 8. Remove faulty linker Original: in turn to buy Suggested revision: to buy Why it matters: In turn does not express purpose and makes the phrase ungrammatical here.
- 9. Keep present tense Original: could Suggested revision: can Why it matters: The paragraph describes a present situation, so can maintains consistent tense.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: future prospect Suggested revision: future Why it matters: Secure their future is the natural expression, while prospect is redundant here.
- 11. Match conditional form Original: will Suggested revision: would Why it matters: Would matches the hypothetical condition introduced by if we no longer needed money.
- 12. Use accurate collocation Original: assume the actual value of life Suggested revision: appreciate the true value of life Why it matters: Appreciate the true value conveys understanding more naturally than assume the actual value.
Suggested Rewrites
- principle principal
- idea of occupation purpose of working
- get the salary earn a salary
- facilities benefits
- almost vivid to all clear to almost everyone
- time times
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear qualified position and gives relevant reasons for both the financial and non-financial value of work. Its main limitation is that frequent awkward word choices and grammatical errors make several explanations imprecise, especially the metaphorical discussion of a meaningful life; the priority is to express each main idea in direct, accurate language and support it with a clearer, more concrete example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question with a consistent partial-agreement position and relevant main ideas, though development is sometimes general or unclear.
Explain the non-financial value of work through one concrete, directly relevant example rather than an extended abstract metaphor.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and an understandable overall progression, but some linking is mechanical or logically strained.
Use simpler transitions that state the relationship between ideas directly and avoid comma-heavy chains.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Prioritise common accurate expressions such as main purpose, earn a salary, and sense of purpose over forced or metaphorical wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, tense, and punctuation weaken control.
Edit each complex sentence for one clear main clause and correct subject-verb agreement before adding subordinate clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
The main reason people go to work is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.