Write about the following topic Today food travels from thousands of miles from the farm to the consumer. Some people say that it would be better for the economy & environment if people ate food produced from local farmers. Would the advantages of this idea outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Nowadays, food travels long distances before reaching consumers, and it is therefore believed that consuming locally grown food would bring about a number of economic and environmental benefits. Despite some advantages, I believe that the disadvantages of this idea would be more significant.
Consuming locally grown food is advantageous in several ways. First, when produce is purchased and consumed locally, the local economy greatly benefits. More income will be generated for those involved in the food’s production, including farmers and growers, which will, in turn, enhance their standards of living. Eating locally grown food can also play a role in helping to protect the environment. The transportation of food around the world greatly contributes to global warming due to the large amount of carbon emissions produced during the process. Eating locally grown produce will help to reduce the distance that food travels, helping to reduce the negative effects of carbon emissions which are released from vehicles during transport.
In spite of the aforementioned benefits, I personally feel that the drawbacks need to be considered more carefully. For example, if non-locally grown foods are purchased less often on the market, local people will therefore have fewer opportunities to experience specialties and healthy products from other regions. Furthermore, if local foods become the more dominant products, price manipulation by local merchants can occur. Several food sellers will make use of this opportunity to increase prices to control the market in the long term. It will be difficult for people, especially lower income households, to buy essential foods for themselves, causing adverse impacts on their health.
In conclusion, I hold the belief that local food consumption, despite having economic and environmental merits, does more harm than good to people’s culinary experiences and local markets.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Strengthen reference Original: Despite some advantages Suggested revision: Despite these potential advantages Why it matters: These potential advantages links the concession more clearly to the preceding claim.
- 2. Keep conditional framing Original: will Suggested revision: would Why it matters: Would matches the hypothetical policy scenario established in the task and introduction.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: enhance their standards of living Suggested revision: improve their standard of living Why it matters: Improve a standard of living is the more natural collocation here.
- 4. Use precise quantity Original: the large amount of carbon emissions Suggested revision: the high level of carbon emissions Why it matters: A high level is a more natural way to quantify emissions in this context.
- 5. Avoid repeated wording Original: helping to reduce the negative effects Suggested revision: thereby reducing the negative effects Why it matters: Thereby expresses the result clearly without repeating help to reduce.
- 6. Use concise phrasing Original: which are released from vehicles Suggested revision: released by vehicles Why it matters: The reduced passive form is clearer and avoids the awkward release from construction.
- 7. Remove redundant phrase Original: on the market Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Purchased already conveys the market context, so this phrase is unnecessary.
- 8. Remove redundant linker Original: local people will therefore have Suggested revision: local people will have Why it matters: The if-clause already establishes the causal relationship, making therefore unnecessary.
- 9. Use natural verb Original: experience specialties Suggested revision: try specialities Why it matters: People try regional foods rather than experience them.
- 10. Use specific noun Original: products Suggested revision: foods Why it matters: Foods is more precise than products in a discussion of diet.
- 11. Fix comparison form Original: the more dominant products Suggested revision: the dominant products Why it matters: More is unnecessary because no explicit comparison follows this superlative-like construction.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Several food sellers will make use of this opportunity to increase prices to control the market in the long term. Suggested revision: Some food sellers may exploit this opportunity by increasing prices and gaining long-term control of the market. Why it matters: The rewrite clarifies the relationship between raising prices and controlling the market.
Suggested Rewrites
- Despite some advantages Despite these potential advantages
- will would
- enhance their standards of living improve their standard of living
- the large amount of carbon emissions the high level of carbon emissions
- helping to reduce the negative effects thereby reducing the negative effects
- which are released from vehicles released by vehicles
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear comparative judgement and develops both the economic and environmental benefits and the proposed disadvantages in a coherent, controlled structure. The weaker point is that the claim about local merchants manipulating prices is plausible but somewhat speculative and could be justified more carefully. A more explicit comparison of the scale and likelihood of the competing effects would strengthen the conclusion that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses both sides directly, maintains a clear position, and supports its main ideas with relevant explanation.
Compare the relative scale and probability of the benefits and drawbacks more explicitly to substantiate the outweigh judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced into focused paragraphs, and cohesion is clear throughout.
Reduce slightly mechanical transitions such as the aforementioned benefits and let the logical relationship between sentences carry more of the progression.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and well suited to the topic, with only minor awkwardness in a few combinations.
Use more natural phrasing for market availability and dominance, such as become less available and dominate the local market.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used with strong control and only rare minor slips.
Polish small details such as compound modifiers and avoid unnecessary repetition within complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Write about the following topic Today food travels from thousands of miles from the farm to the consumer. Some people say that it would be better for the economy & environment if people ate food produced from local farmers. Would the advantages of this idea outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.