Most countries want to improve standard of living through economic development, however, others think social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Economic development is one of the crucial measurements to evaluate the degree of social wellbeing in a society. In the race for achieving economic benefits man has to pay the price of loss of social values. Nonetheless, the pros of economic advancement outweigh its cons.
It is irrefutable that by the development of economy people can improve their quality of life. For example, in USA even the poorest of the poor has the basic amenities of life such as food, clothing and shelter. All the citizens enjoy high level of social welfare and they enjoy free medical care and free education. Even in countries like India and China, because International Companies have created many jobs and as a result, economic development has accelerated even further.
On the other hand, as every rose is accompanied by thorns, similarly in the quest for economic growth, social values have taken a back seat. People have become greedy and selfish and have no time for each other. Young generation has started following global culture and therefore they have forgotten moral values and do not respect their elders. People have become workaholics and so find it difficult to strike a balance between work and family life.
What is more, people resort to unethical means to enjoy their economic prosperity. In other words, economic growth causes people to seek other undesirable excuses to obtain satisfaction. Even in the business world, colleagues are not co-operative as in earlier times. As a result, the relationship of the people in the society is much worse than that in the past. Money-oriented society is not a very pleasant society to live in. No wonder, in the developed countries many people are downshifting and refusing promotions to give time to their family and society.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, economic development is a good thing and the people enjoy a better standard of living but there is some loss of social values. The onus is on the individuals to strike a balance between work and leisure to get all the advantages of economic development without the loss of social values.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the right noun Original: measurements Suggested revision: measures Why it matters: A “measure” is an indicator, while “measurement” usually refers to the act or result of measuring.
- 2. Improve noun structure Original: to evaluate the degree Suggested revision: of the degree Why it matters: The measure describes the degree of wellbeing rather than performing the evaluation itself.
- 3. Correct verb pattern Original: race for achieving Suggested revision: race to achieve Why it matters: The noun “race” takes a to-infinitive when expressing a goal.
- 4. Add comma and plural Original: economic benefits man Suggested revision: economic benefits, people Why it matters: The introductory phrase needs a comma, and “people” avoids using singular “man” for society generally.
- 5. Fix the expression Original: the price of loss of social values Suggested revision: the price of losing social values Why it matters: The standard construction is “pay the price of” followed by a gerund.
- 6. Use natural structure Original: by the development of economy Suggested revision: through economic development Why it matters: The replacement uses the standard uncountable expression and an appropriate preposition.
- 7. Add definite article Original: in USA Suggested revision: in the USA Why it matters: The abbreviation “USA” normally takes the definite article.
- 8. Fix subject agreement Original: has Suggested revision: have Why it matters: The phrase refers to a group of people and therefore takes a plural verb.
- 9. Add an article Original: enjoy high level Suggested revision: enjoy a high level Why it matters: The singular countable noun phrase “level” requires an article.
- 10. Use normal capitalization Original: International Companies Suggested revision: international companies Why it matters: This common noun phrase should not be capitalized.
- 11. Remove redundant comparison Original: as every rose is accompanied by thorns, similarly Suggested revision: just as every rose has thorns, Why it matters: Using both “as” and “similarly” duplicates the comparison and makes the transition cumbersome.
- 12. Add article Original: Young generation Suggested revision: The younger generation Why it matters: This group noun needs an article, and the comparative adjective is the idiomatic form.
Suggested Rewrites
- measurements measures
- to evaluate the degree of the degree
- race for achieving race to achieve
- economic benefits man economic benefits, people
- the price of loss of social values the price of losing social values
- by the development of economy through economic development
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is clearly organized and offers a relevant range of social costs alongside a stated preference for economic development. Its main limitation is that the comparative judgment is asserted more strongly than it is demonstrated, since disadvantages receive much fuller development and some claims remain broad. The highest priority is to explain directly why the benefits carry greater weight, supported by balanced and credible evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both sides and states that advantages outweigh disadvantages, but the decisive comparison is insufficiently developed and the disadvantages dominate the discussion.
Develop the benefits to equal depth and explicitly weigh their importance against the identified loss of social values.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and the discussion progresses logically from benefits to social disadvantages and a concluding position, despite some formulaic transitions.
Use more precise logical links to show comparison and evaluation rather than relying on stock phrases such as on the other hand and what is more.
Lexical Resource
The response has a good topical range, but frequent awkward collocations and memorized-sounding expressions reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace phrases such as crucial measurements and pen down saying with direct, idiomatic academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures conveys meaning clearly, though article, preposition, agreement, capitalization, and punctuation errors recur.
Edit systematically for articles and noun phrases, particularly forms such as the development of the economy and a high level of welfare.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Most countries want to improve standard of living through economic development, however, others think social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.