Some feel that it is impossible for a country to be economically progressive and environmentally friendly at the same time. Others disagree with this view. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The debate surrounding whether a country can be economically progressive and environmentally friendly simultaneously is a topic of great significance in today's world. While some argue that these two goals are mutually exclusive, others contend that they can coexist harmoniously. This essay will discuss both viewpoints and present my opinion that a country can achieve both objectives simultaneously.
Those who believe that economic progress and environmental friendliness are incompatible argue that economic growth often comes at the expense of the environment. Industrialization and rapid economic development can result in increased pollution, deforestation, and depletion of natural resources. For instance, the rapid growth of manufacturing industries in some countries has led to high levels of air and water pollution, negatively impacting ecosystems and human health.
On the other hand, proponents of the opposing view argue that economic progress and environmental sustainability can go hand in hand through the adoption of sustainable development practices and green technologies. They emphasize that investing in renewable energy sources, improving resource efficiency, and promoting eco-friendly industries can drive economic growth while minimizing harm to the environment. For example, countries like Denmark and Costa Rica have successfully integrated wind and solar energy into their energy grids, reducing carbon emissions while experiencing economic growth.
In my opinion, the relationship between economic progress and environmental friendliness could be complex, but it is possible for a country to pursue sustainable development models that prioritize both economic and environmental aspects. Long-term economic prosperity depends on the preservation of natural resources and the mitigation of climate change. This is why it is very much possible for a country to achieve economic prosperity while also being eco-friendly.
In conclusion, while some argue that economic progress and environmental friendliness are mutually exclusive, I believe that it is possible for a country to achieve both objectives simultaneously. While there may be challenges and trade-offs along the way, the integration of sustainable practices, green technologies, and a shift in societal values can create a synergy between economic growth and environmental preservation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: coexist harmoniously Suggested revision: coexist Why it matters: Coexist already conveys living or operating together, so harmoniously is unnecessary here.
- 2. Use direct stance verb Original: present my opinion that Suggested revision: argue that Why it matters: A direct reporting verb makes the thesis more concise and assertive.
- 3. Use concise causation Original: result in increased pollution Suggested revision: increase pollution Why it matters: The direct verb expresses the causal relationship more concisely.
- 4. Simplify the reference Original: proponents of the opposing view Suggested revision: proponents of this view Why it matters: After On the other hand, this provides a clearer and less repetitive reference to the second position.
- 5. Use formal example marker Original: countries like Denmark and Costa Rica Suggested revision: countries such as Denmark and Costa Rica Why it matters: Such as is slightly more precise for introducing examples in formal writing.
- 6. State the claim directly Original: could be complex Suggested revision: is complex Why it matters: The present tense expresses the writer's stated view more directly than the tentative modal.
- 7. Choose precise noun Original: aspects Suggested revision: goals Why it matters: Goals refers more precisely to the two objectives being prioritized.
- 8. Remove excess emphasis Original: very much possible Suggested revision: possible Why it matters: Very much adds conversational emphasis without strengthening the meaning.
- 9. Use formal wording Original: being eco-friendly Suggested revision: being environmentally sustainable Why it matters: The replacement is more precise and formal in an academic essay.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: The debate surrounding whether a country can be economically progressive and environmentally friendly simultaneously is a topic of great significance in today's world. Suggested revision: Whether a country can progress economically while protecting the environment is an important contemporary issue. Why it matters: The rewrite removes a wordy opening frame while preserving the original proposition.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: While there may be challenges and trade-offs along the way, the integration of sustainable practices, green technologies, and a shift in societal values can create a synergy between economic growth and environmental preservation. Suggested revision: Although challenges and trade-offs may arise, integrating sustainable practices, green technologies, and changing societal values can align economic growth with environmental preservation. Why it matters: The rewrite reduces abstract nominalizations and gives the concluding relationship a clearer structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- coexist harmoniously coexist
- present my opinion that argue that
- result in increased pollution increase pollution
- proponents of the opposing view proponents of this view
- countries like Denmark and Costa Rica countries such as Denmark and Costa Rica
- could be complex is complex
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay directly addresses both viewpoints, maintains a clear opinion, and develops its case with relevant explanations and concrete examples. Its main limitation is some repetition of the central claim, particularly across the opinion and conclusion paragraphs, which slightly reduces the force of the argument. Prioritize deeper analysis of the trade-offs and make each concluding point add a distinct insight.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly discussed, the writer's position is clear throughout, and the supporting explanations and examples are relevant and well developed.
Deepen the evaluation by explaining a specific trade-off or condition under which green growth may be harder to achieve.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly with only minor repetition.
Reduce repeated restatement of the thesis by giving the opinion paragraph and conclusion more distinct functions.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and appropriately academic, with strong control of environmental and economic language and only occasional awkward phrasing.
Refine isolated phrases such as very much possible and vary repeated expressions such as simultaneously and economic progress.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures accurately, with consistently clear and well-controlled sentences.
For further polish, vary sentence openings and tighten the few clauses that repeat an idea already expressed.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some feel that it is impossible for a country to be economically progressive and environmentally friendly at the same time. Others disagree with this view. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.