Some people say that it is possible for a country to be both economically successful and have a clean environment. Others disagree. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The strength of any nation does not come without costs, one of which is upon the local environment whose resources fuel each and every sector of the economy. And yet many people believe that a strong economy and a clean environment can co-exist. I do not entirely deny this belief; however, I find myself more convinced of the fact that we cannot have them both.
For years, scientists have developed ways to replace traditional sources of exploitation in many fields, like electricity and fuel. The use of alternative renewable energy from sunlight, wind and geothermal heat, have been applied in many areas, which helps to keep the environment away from harm. In addition, many environmental activists say that it is certainly within our reach to minimize the damage caused by industrial activities and protect Mother Earth. Many have even succeeded in convincing governments to take action in such regard.
Nevertheless, we should not forget that there are things that make it impossible to relieve our dependency on natural resources. For example, the automobile, mining and steel industry, are without doubt taking a heavy toll on the environment on account of carbon emissions and chemical waste. But those prove to be indispensable and irreplaceable to the progress of many economies. Furthermore, tremendous damage has already been done, and many people fear that the environment’s state of cleanliness cannot be restored. Take Beijing as an example. Air quality there is the worst in the world, with thick layers of smog covering the atmosphere.
In conclusion, my firm conviction is that no matter how hard we try to preserve the environment, while we continue to exploit its natural resources for the sake of the economy, we will never have both of them at the same time.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard spelling Original: co-exist Suggested revision: coexist Why it matters: Coexist is conventionally written as one word.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: traditional sources of exploitation Suggested revision: traditional forms of resource exploitation Why it matters: Sources of exploitation does not clearly describe the practices being replaced.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: such Suggested revision: this Why it matters: In this regard is the standard expression for referring to the preceding issue.
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: relieve our dependency Suggested revision: reduce our dependence Why it matters: Reduce our dependence is the natural collocation for becoming less reliant on resources.
- 5. Fix number agreement Original: the automobile, mining and steel industry, are Suggested revision: the automobile, mining, and steel industries are Why it matters: The coordinated list requires a plural noun and verb without a separating comma.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: But those prove Suggested revision: However, these industries prove Why it matters: These industries provides a clear antecedent for the reference.
- 7. Remove redundancy Original: indispensable and irreplaceable to the progress Suggested revision: indispensable to the progress Why it matters: Indispensable already conveys that the industries cannot readily be replaced.
- 8. Use concise wording Original: the environment’s state of cleanliness Suggested revision: the environment’s condition Why it matters: Condition expresses the idea more naturally and concisely.
- 9. Improve the image Original: covering the atmosphere Suggested revision: blanketing the city Why it matters: Smog can blanket a city, whereas covering the atmosphere is imprecise.
- 10. Clarify the cost Original: one of which is upon the local environment Suggested revision: one of which is damage to the local environment Why it matters: The revision identifies the environmental cost with a natural and precise construction.
- 11. Remove redundancy Original: each and every sector Suggested revision: every sector Why it matters: Every already includes the meaning conveyed by each and.
- 12. Use concise phrasing Original: more convinced of the fact that Suggested revision: more convinced that Why it matters: Removing of the fact makes the position more direct without changing its meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- co-exist coexist
- traditional sources of exploitation traditional forms of resource exploitation
- such this
- relieve our dependency reduce our dependence
- the automobile, mining and steel industry, are the automobile, mining, and steel industries are
- But those prove However, these industries prove
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear opinion, discusses both perspectives, and supports its reasoning with relevant examples in a well-controlled structure. Its main weakness is that several claims and expressions are imprecise or overstated, which reduces the force of otherwise strong arguments. The highest priority is to sharpen the explanation of how economic growth can coexist with environmental protection and replace awkward collocations with more natural, exact wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed directly, the opinion remains clear, and the main ideas are relevant and substantially developed.
Develop the coexistence argument more precisely by showing how specific policies could sustain both growth and environmental quality.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through purposeful paragraphs, and cohesive devices make the contrast between the two positions easy to follow.
Strengthen internal progression further by making each example's connection to the paragraph claim more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide range of topic vocabulary, though several awkward collocations and imprecise choices reduce naturalness.
Replace phrases such as vague references to exploitation or cleanliness with exact, idiomatic environmental and economic terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are used with generally good control, but agreement and punctuation errors recur in a few prominent clauses.
Check subject-verb agreement and avoid unnecessary commas separating subjects from their verbs.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that it is possible for a country to be both economically successful and have a clean environment. Others disagree. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.